Dale Carnegie: How To Win Friends and Influence People

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I hate "rah rah" people like Anthony Robbins.

Talk is cheap.

It is easy to say "I am an extroverted, high energy Alpha personality with a high IQ.
You can be just like me"

It isn't true.

I largely agree - some of their ideas are useful, but a self-styled guru-author is almost certainly a con artist who is just talking up a collection of half-truths into a blueprint for transforming the reader's life. And even knowing that, I find it very difficult to read their stuff and extract the thin sprinkling of goodies therein, because of the smarmy style they nearly always use, which makes me want to slap the author.

my youngest brother read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" from cover to cover and came to the conclusion that it is a HORRIBLE book with horrible advice. He calls it "How to lose friends and be a passive-aggessive jerk"

I'm not sure, but I think my bro is a touch on the spectrum...

I read the book before I went to uni, I was very scared of meeting new people at uni so I memorised the points. As is the case with others on this thread, it did not help me, It came off as dull and un-natural and a friend even commented to me with irritation that she noticed i pretended to care about people and ask them insincere questions when I first met them. In the end I just made friends with the like-minded people and ignored the people I didnt click with, same as before. It certaintly didnt help me when I was frozen for something to say. Maybe it only works with NTs who can fake interest but just never learned they should. And the book is obviously aimed at business more than real social life.

Anyway...every time I've started a new job or a new course, I do all the right Carnigie things, ask people about themselves, use their names, etc. And people think I'm ok and are pleasant. But, then when the NTs make friends, they do things like repeat private jokes, sing funny songs to make each other laugh, etc. They just get into this "groove" of making each other laugh that I can't follow. For instance one of them will shout "have it!" and then it becomes a private joke when he says it the rest of them all shout it back to him.
Or theyll all be singing the same song in a silly voice or something.

the Leil Lowndes social skills books are a lot better, she even says in the intro that she takes on the subtle in-depth things that Carnigie missed out.

My parents bought this for me when I was 13.......

HHmmm hopes for social animal.......or PR extoadinare.

I wish they never had......lived my life as a lie. Got me through some yukky stuff that I still don't understand but man, am I skilled.

All sociality is skill like anything else. And like with some skills, I wish I had been given the choice.

In saying this, it has some decent fundamentals......and is good in social situations.

But please don't force it down your throat....as it was down mine.

Mics

I personally found Robbin's books great for helping me "go and and get things", have confidence and not defeat myself. He never turned me alpha, im still shy and low energy, but it did help me with my thoughts and to not put myself down. To be fair, he never clamed to help with social skills or to be as loud and big as he is. I dont think he is perfect though as his vitamin and health items businesses went down the drain and his marriage broke up so i dont want to sound like a cultist.

I've listened to the audio book it was great. Kinda repetitive at times though

I read the book first when I was 18 and have read it over and over again since then.

I followed the instructions at the start of the book, to read each chapter and then go back through it and to make notes and underline the bits that I thought were useful.

I did find it a big help, and I still do. For instance the importance of remembering people's names, and tips like write the name down as soon as you get a chance. When I am falling down on something, like at the moment I have got less good at names, I will think about what is stopping me, and I will work on that.

A lot of the tips, like talking in terms of the other person's interests, you have to try different approaches. When their interests are something you know nothing about, finding the right words to use is hard. I couldn't figure what to say to my SIL who loves horses for instance. Then I realised, I just have to ask how her horse is, where it is, and remember the answer from last time. It's about asking questions that are appropriate for your own level of knowledge.

Some things I had a problem with, like smiles. That was so funny-awful. When I try to smile it apparently comes out looking scary. "I thought you were going to hit me" being the worst response I've got to a smile. I still can't figure that out and it drives me nuts.

I looked up the courses but they are all aimed at businesses. Carnegie's original courses were for individuals and he does talk a lot about families and friends, not just about sales at all. I think if anyone thinks his book is just about sales, they haven't actually read it.

I looked for any other kind of similar course, or anything on body lanuguage, and I couldn't find anything at all. I thought about setting up my own course, where people could give each other feedback and video each other having conversations and so on so we could see what is going on. Interested to know if anyone else thinks that would be useful.

Sorry for long post.

I've read most of it, and I think there's some truth in the idea that he seems to turn the subject - friendship - into some kind of salesmanship job. It's not simply a salesmanship book that's had its title changed to "friendship," but I got the impression that he was essentially an ad-man trying to apply his skills in an inappropriate area. Sure, he talks about friends, but I think he approaches the subject from a rather narrow business-and-enterprise perspective. There are useful ideas in there, but I think his view is very blinkered.

"I think if anyone thinks his book is just about sales, they haven't actually read it. "

I thought the book was aimed at salesmen, and as I said in my post, not only did I read it, I memorised it. I listed my problems with the book in my post.