How is your eye contact?
eye contact for more then a couple seconds is extremely uncomfortable for me. I usually look slightly to the side or at the person's mouth.
Here's some input from your friendly, neighborhood troll.
My kid used to have no eye contact at all. Zero. Zilch. However, that doesn't mean he wasn't comprehending what people were saying to him. Even with a lack of eye contact teachers were would say that sometimes he was making an effort to follow instructions even though he gave the "appearance" that he was out to lunch. But, there were still problems. His lack of focus we felt was attributed to the lack of eye contact, but we were not 100% sure until we took him on some consultations.
A Pediatric Opthamologist examined him and saw many problems. He thought our kid would need prism glasses, but wanted us to see the Developmental Optometrist first. The Developmental Optometrist said he wanted to do some training on his eyes before the prism glasses, so he put together a program for him, which was subsequently incorporated into his intervention program. We had the ABA Supervisor go with my wife to an appointment and they trained her on the exercises that he was given to do. In a nutshell, the right eye was doing one thing while the left eye was off on an excursion. And, whenever he was asked to look at something straight on, his eyes were just jumping all over the place. Plus, he was relying 90% on his peripheral vision which totally blew us away.
Now, because teachers felt the lack of eye contact was effecting his performance, we brought it to the district's attention at his IEP and they actually wrote it as a goal into his IEP and were open to incorporating the exercises which can easily be done anywhere. My wife went to the school to train his EI teacher which took like 16 minutes. And, his since the Supervisor of his ABA team was involved from the get go, came to an appt., they were really on the ball with helping with the exercises. All of this training wasn't so much forced as it was giving him vision tools to help his eyes work together because they weren't. Other parents of Autistics were telling us it's just the way Autie kids are and that it was Neurological. And, we had read so much in books that said it was because Autie kids can't focus on more than one thing at a time. But, in our case, all of that was wrong. The problem was definately with the eyes and had we not gone the extra to step to found out, he'd still be having the same problems.
Here's what we've noticed. Now that he's had help with this, not only does he have good eye contact, but his school performace has greatly improved. Getting through his homework is so much easier. It used to take us all night to do it, now he does it effeciently and effectively in a reasonable amount of time. Also, he comprehends so much better and you don't have to repeat things to him a million times. Plus, he engages with others so much better. And, he doesn't wonder and daydream so much. We think because his eyes didn't know what to do, they just lead him to look wherever, whenever. So, that's our story.
Well if I have something really important to say I can easily make eye contact. I'm also pretty good at making eye contact with most of my friends.
However I tend to look down and away during one-sided conversations when I'm not the one talking.
So bottom line is that my eye contact is decent, especially considering I have AS.
Chibi_Neko
Veteran
![User avatar](./download/file.php?avatar=14562.jpg)
Joined: 23 Oct 2007
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,485
Location: Newfoundland, Canada
My kid used to have no eye contact at all. Zero. Zilch. However, that doesn't mean he wasn't comprehending what people were saying to him. Even with a lack of eye contact teachers were would say that sometimes he was making an effort to follow instructions even though he gave the "appearance" that he was out to lunch. But, there were still problems. His lack of focus we felt was attributed to the lack of eye contact, but we were not 100% sure until we took him on some consultations.
A Pediatric Opthamologist examined him and saw many problems. He thought our kid would need prism glasses, but wanted us to see the Developmental Optometrist first. The Developmental Optometrist said he wanted to do some training on his eyes before the prism glasses, so he put together a program for him, which was subsequently incorporated into his intervention program. We had the ABA Supervisor go with my wife to an appointment and they trained her on the exercises that he was given to do. In a nutshell, the right eye was doing one thing while the left eye was off on an excursion. And, whenever he was asked to look at something straight on, his eyes were just jumping all over the place. Plus, he was relying 90% on his peripheral vision which totally blew us away.
Now, because teachers felt the lack of eye contact was effecting his performance, we brought it to the district's attention at his IEP and they actually wrote it as a goal into his IEP and were open to incorporating the exercises which can easily be done anywhere. My wife went to the school to train his EI teacher which took like 16 minutes. And, his since the Supervisor of his ABA team was involved from the get go, came to an appt., they were really on the ball with helping with the exercises. All of this training wasn't so much forced as it was giving him vision tools to help his eyes work together because they weren't. Other parents of Autistics were telling us it's just the way Autie kids are and that it was Neurological. And, we had read so much in books that said it was because Autie kids can't focus on more than one thing at a time. But, in our case, all of that was wrong. The problem was definately with the eyes and had we not gone the extra to step to found out, he'd still be having the same problems.
Here's what we've noticed. Now that he's had help with this, not only does he have good eye contact, but his school performace has greatly improved. Getting through his homework is so much easier. It used to take us all night to do it, now he does it effeciently and effectively in a reasonable amount of time. Also, he comprehends so much better and you don't have to repeat things to him a million times. Plus, he engages with others so much better. And, he doesn't wonder and daydream so much. We think because his eyes didn't know what to do, they just lead him to look wherever, whenever. So, that's our story.
Wow, I wish I had had doctors like that when I was little.
_________________
I will participate in purple shadows afterwards.
I tried and tried and now I have some eye-contact. At first I couldn't keep track of my own thoughts or continue speaking when trying eye-contact. I had to find a good strategy, find out what causes me trouble. I now look - but don't see. Or see but don't look? Something like that. Nobody notices.
By now I think it's quite good, for having no eye-contact before. Maybe slightly below-average? Everyone's reacting to it already, people are way more friendly. Actually listen to what I say. The reaction of others has changed immensely. Now I often find that I forget to look someone in the eyes. It still happens frequently that I go without eye-contact entirely because I can't remember to do it!
Still, eyes are very ugly. It's a nightmare to look into them. Most are ugly to me that is. I know... one person with the most amazing eyes and some more with tolerable, but not beautiful eyes. The majority of people, friendly and nice or rude and bullying just have ugly eyes. When I look into them, I finally identified that I feel absolutely disgusted. I can't choose whose eyes I find tolerable.
I like your other avatar better than what you chance. I guess my aspies kick in when someone change something. lol
Sedaka
Veteran
![User avatar](./download/file.php?avatar=5783.jpg)
Joined: 16 Jul 2006
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,597
Location: In the recesses of my mind
ive been told the best times i have eye contact with people is when i'm having an argument with them and am really mad at them.
generally, i think teaching has helped me at least bounce around with my eyes and at least look at them enough for them to know im paying attention... though i'm sure at times they still think i dont care.
_________________
Neuroscience PhD student
got free science papers?
www.pubmed.gov
www.sciencedirect.com
http://highwire.stanford.edu/lists/freeart.dtl
When I was a tiny baby apparently I stared, when I grew up though I didn't have very good eye contact but then when I was about 7 I realised that the reason I didn't get into the choir and I didn't get help at school was because other children looked at the teachers faces so I started looking at their noses and eventually between their eyes at the bridge of their nose, but I didn't know what the point of it was so I only did it when I remembered, wanted something, was meant to be listening etc and when I did I stared and it was really uncomfortable and when people moved their heads to look in my eyes I looked away.
Then about four years ago I was seeing this homeopathic doctor and he made the comment that my eye contact was un-natural so I stopped pretty much altogether which was easy as I always hated it anyway.
In conclusion I switch between staring and not looking at all.
I look slightly to the left or right of the persons face, and sometimes briefly in the eyes. I always use peripheral vision to keep at least one eye trained on the other persons though, to help me follow conversation better. I think this gives people the impression I have low self confidence, which isn't always true.
_________________
Hello.
poopylungstuffing
Veteran
![User avatar](./download/file.php?avatar=9829.jpg)
Joined: 8 Mar 2007
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,714
Location: Snapdragon Ridge
Deplorable...
I am so much more comfortable when I don't have to look people in the eye.
_________________
http://www.youtube.com/user/MsPuppetrina
http://www.youtube.com/poopylungstuffing
http://www.superhappyfunland.com
"Ifthefoolwouldpersistinhisfolly,hewouldbecomewise"