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"Selling out" in order to fit in with NTs

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nofun13
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15 Apr 2008, 2:30 pm

i often got flamed a lot at school for not fitting on or not trying to be one of the pack. i even got put into isolation for 9 weeks for dying my hair hehe. i dislike the need that NTs often feel to fit in with everyone else, and i too am not afraid to show who i am as a person, even if that means being looked at as even more strange. people always have seen me as an outsider, and i expect it will always be that way. :lol:



NewportBeachDude
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15 Apr 2008, 4:17 pm

Dart wrote:
I feel like I've been guilty of compromising my integrity and trying to be something I'm not, just to please other people. I've tried to imitate NT behaviors I've noticed, sometimes some not-so-nice NT behaviors, in the hopes that I could seem to be just like everyone else. I've tried making fun of people who were even lower than me in the pecking order. I've tried pretending that I actually care about being a tough guy or a badass. None of it has ever worked though. NTs always somehow end up seeing me as different anyway and I fool no one. I've only cut off possibilities for friendship with other outsiders. I can't help but feel somewhat guilty about this.

Has anyone else done anything similar?



I'm NT, but I wanted to say something. I think many here understand where you're coming from. I totally get where you're coming from. Even us NTs sometimes (mostly when we're growing up) have to walk to the beat of someone else's drum. I think it's a survival thing. But, I also feel that you will reach a point in your life when all of that doesn't matter. You can be who you are without pressure.

Also, I just wanted to share that many LF's get picked on. When my son was lower on the spectrum before intervention, he got picked on a lot and it's painful to see others do that to your child. My wife and I almost broke someone's face over this issue because we're very protective. I'd just say, remember, you don't have to follow that path just because others do it. Always reserve some compassion for your fellow Autistics because they need it. You can make a different in their day.

Anyway, I relate to what you're saying and I do think someday, you can be yourself.

Peace.



Chimchar
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16 Apr 2008, 9:34 am

Did you notice if you try too hard to act normal, you tend to regress? I mean completely shut down?

(I had fantasies of streaking at the next Homecoming game. :D )



Aspie_Chav
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16 Apr 2008, 10:02 am

Dart wrote:
NTs always somehow end up seeing me as different anyway and I fool no one. I've only cut off possibilities for friendship with other outsiders. I can't help but feel somewhat guilty about this.

Has anyone else done anything similar?


My life is about becoming more NT. If I don't, I will end up falling apart like a Chinese motocycle.



cd1
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16 Apr 2008, 10:10 am

Interesting approach. My life is about being me. If NTs, or anyone at all, doesn't like who I am they can use the nearest exit at their convenience. I don't bother anyone and I don't stand for people bothering me. Life is too short for that.

You know what, though? Once I became at peace with that approach, people started gravitating towards me. People are attracted to what they want - everyone wants peace of mind. If you have it, people will try to figure out how, because they don't.