Tired of NTs telling me I need to change my personality

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Excellent post! I've given up on traditional psychotherapy because for years--before it was known exactly what was "wrong" with me (a teacher once suggested an autism evaluation, but my parents were deeply offended and needless to say did not take the suggestion)--well-meaning counselors and such would tell me to "get over my fear" (I come off quite stiff and spastic [or "like a rabbit afraid of its own shadow," someone once said), to "get out of my shell," etc.

Well, interestingly enough, at one point (as a college undergraduate) I *tried* these counselors' advice and (in one example) "started conversations with three people a day." The conversations were very short and my feelings were hurt. Looking back with the increased social wisdom I have these days, it's clear that what I said to the three people was completely inappropriate for the contexts we were in. (In a psychology class, for example, I started talking to a girl about C.G. Jung's interest in Tarot cards, in which I was also quite interested at the time.) Grr.

Another thing which has recently irritated me is that one of my "flaws," according to others, is the various negative emotions I seem to be feeling perpetually--fear, unhappiness, etc. For one thing, in most cases I'm not feeling the way inside that they assume I'm feeling based on their perceptions of me. Secondly, how ironic is it to be told that your *flaw* is feeling a particular negative emotion, and you need to stop at once or you will remain deeply flawed! "Way to make someone feel better"/feel more positive emotions, eh?

emotion-wise, I recently experienced a profound shock to the system when realising it is perfectly acceptable to say things like " I am angry" out loud. (as long as you don't shout it) What was shocking is that I found that just saying "I am angry" or even "I am very cross with XY for doing/saying Blah Blah" has a calming effect on me in so much as it seems to release some pent up emotion.
I just never had an opportunity to learn before that this is OK because any time I was around angry people in the past, they were either shouting or throwing things or behaving in other non nice ways.
Also, people say things like *I am not happy about...* and make it sound like the worst insult in the world. However, when I try and say that in the same way, it doesn't seem like anyone takes it seriously. This is probably because I don't take it seriously either. *sigh*

nirrti_rachelle,
Bless your heart! I too have gone throught the "if only you'd change life would be better..."
I haven't obtained that offical dx of AS yet, but I have, over the years, had each componant diagnosed seperatly. (No one put the puzzle together until my cuz meantioned it couple years back....) I have spent hours wondering why I couldnt change, no matter how hard I tried. I suspect that the NT's can tell, as others have posted, when I am a "fake" NT. After becoming aware of all of this, I suddenly no longer want to "fake NT" anymore. I feel I can be who I was made to be without further attempt to hide the fact that Im AS. I wont be singing it from the rooftops because of my work, but I wont be working so despratly to "fit in" where I clearly do not.
It was kinda librating really....
Here are some of the "lovely" things have said to me;

"if you keep acting that way you'll never get married"
"you are craizer than a S**t house rat"
"cant the Dr just 'fix you' " (im not a cat....)
"why cant you act like a normal young lady for once?!" (dad, god bless him)
"you act like my autistic patients" (My late sister said that one years ago before Aspergers was diagnosed in any frequency)
"You have to know that no one here likes you because you act so strange"
"You're weird."
"you get on my nerves with that [insert topic im talking about here] obsession, there is more to life than [insert topic again]!"
"you need to get out and mingle with people more"
and one of my favorites.....
"Its not that people dont like you because you're so smart, its because act the way that you do."



Oh and at work "you are NOT allowed to have an alamanic here anymore... oh wait, you are a WALKING alamanic.." (I kinda liked that one )

My mum still says that sort of vile crap and accuses me of taking everything the 'wrong way' and s**t like that actually she's been like that to me since 1977. Others telling me to be myself and act so called 'normal' anyway like lying bar stewards. The thing is when you be yourself as the allistic advice (always out of date) goes they really get on your case and change goalposts and that is just my family. No wonder when a family member dies I don't show or experience grief because of issues like this.

Also allistic people do go around thinking Aspergia owes them a living and we don't. I'm afraid that allistic people have to earn my respect and this involves not getting pissed off when we be ourselves and stop trying to impose their kind of thinking on to us. I agree that Aspergians should be Aspergians and if allistic people don't like it then it is tough we can't all be perfect. There is a vast difference between normal and allistic but not if normalcy is defined as neuroprivilege. So if relationships not just the romantic ones I mean friends and family as well in relationships are all one way and we are always in the wrong then what do you call that? Allistic people telling you need to change your personality is more than just a subtle hint of aspiphobia or some other kind of prejudice or bigotry and its apologists.

"You need to find a better way of interacting with people."

.

I hate it when people put "need" in their sentences when they're telling me things. I don't need to do a single fscking thing you say.

"You are a waste of resources, a parasite."
"What's with these ret*d reactions?"
"You're dubious."
"Your presence annoys me."
"When are you going to kill yourself? I don't like waiting."
"Kill yourself."
"If I were like you, I would kill myself."
"Nobody likes you. Stop begging for attention."
"Your existence is null."
"You don't have the right to say that."
"Your speech accent annoys me."
"You can be normal."
"Be normal!"
"Stop being an idiot!"
"If you weren't autistic, you would be an OK person."
"You can recover from this disorder. I've been through worse things, trust me."
"The way you act annoys me. I don't care if you can't keep yourself from doing it. What if I couldn't keep myself from punching you?"
"What a loser. Shut the hell up! You've made people hate you more than ever!"
"Are you aware that being beaten hurts?"
"Stop being a drama whore."
"You deserve to die."
"Stop acting as if you were God!"(I don't believe in God, and I wasn't trying to manipulate anyone)
"Stop harassing people!"(I wasn't harassing anyone)
"Why are you staring at me?"(I wasn't even looking in her direction)
"Why are you following me?"(I wasn't following her)
"Unlike you, that guy with Down's is civilized. You, on the other hand, are a stupid animal."
"At your age you should be interested in this and that, not in video games."
"You're a child, you don't think."

I get this a lot.
"Why are you so quiet?"
"Maybe people would like you more if you talked more."
"You're weird."

It gets annoying after a while, but I guess we just need to hang around the few people who don't say these things.