How did you feel when you found out you had AS?

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lol

I got an official diagnosis earlier this year. I had suspected this was the case for some time. To make a long story short. Most of the time I get along just fine. Just one of the huddled masses yearning to get by unnoticed. The problem is--I'm not as much like them as I'd like to be. When they made me, somebody botched the job. A couple wires got crossed, and some days that's how I feel--Like a botched job.

I started on this odyssey of self discovery a couple years ago, but nobody was willing or able to make the diagnosis until recently. Since then, I've been finding out about the condition, and doing what I can to try to change how people percieve me.

The diagnosis in and of it self was actually liberating in a way.. By the time it was official, I had come to drips with the possibility of having AS. In the last few months I had gone from being in denial, to "chasing the madness". The condition is not new. It's been around for probably as long as there have been people. Hans Asperger was the first to connect the dots, and unfortunately, his work wasn't translated until after his death.

I think people who are doagnosed today will have an easier time dealing with the condition, now that there is awareness & resources out there, but it is an ongoing process.

The 1% marriage figure comes from Tantam's research, who is the dude who made AS what it is in the US; it's higher in other countries, somewhere in the order of 30 or so percent.

Schizophrenia, is also of a later onset, so one usually has achieved many milestones by the time of an attack; such as social, academic, and vocational pursuits, where the individual with AS will most likely be below-average in one to all of these (often in a severe and marked way). Once the acute phase is over with from Schizophrenia, there's usually a period of improvement between the next attack, and after five or so years, it tends to even out and the prognosis stays the same as it is from that fifth year.

10% are severe, and need constant care, but upwards of 80% of those with Autism are in a similar situation. Most with AS need some form of help, whether living with parents, working in the family business, etcetera. Whereas those with Schizophrenia who can work after their attack, usually go back to the job they were at, which was of a higher level than someone with AS in most cases (not to mention the higher percentage).

So in conclusion, it wasn't that ridiculous to prefer having Schizophrenia at the time of diagnosis, as I knew that there was treatment for such, and that there's a good chance that one would improve. Whereas with Autism, this is as good as it gets.

Oddly enough, I learned about Asperger's at a time, thought, "Wow, that fits me," and then forgot about it for a couple of years until I found it again and started to take it more seriously.

It's been helpful to finally have an explanation for all the strange things that have happened in my life. I know that it will be very hard to internalize that an explanation is not a justification. But now I don't hate myself. I am at peace with myself because I know how much I can ask of myself. Now I know I don't have to be angry when I fail, for example.

I felt relieved. It didn't change my life, though.

I felt relief. I finally understood why I am the way I am, why I've always been so different, why I have some of the problems I have and why I struggle with some things, no matter how hard I try. I always had the feeling something was wrong with me, but I couldn't make sense of what it could be.

I also felt less alone. I felt like I had finally found a group I belong in and can relate to. I've always been a social outcast, misunderstood and confused. Knowing there are many people out there with a similarly wired mind and getting the chance to talk to them for once in my life is great.

Finding out about AS was a good thing for me.

The sad part is that no one will hire you if you have poor social skills (as if social skills would matter if you're applying for a job with little human contact). Allthough many aspies don't marry, a lot of them are in stable relationships, have children etc.

Disbelief for a few years, then acceptance.

An article in the UK Guardian newspaper abt ten years ago was a revelation to me, a shaft of light. It allowed me to value my reactions and feelings instead of dismiss them or deride them. I'm only self diagnosed, can pass for normalish and since that revelation life has been easier.

i dont really remember but im shure i didnt care. i just got older by one more day the next day

I have never been diagnosed...

But when it finally hit me and came together in my mind, my first thought, "Oh $%#@, this makes sense."

All the freaky and strange things I did as a child made sense. Wearing the same clothes for a year, head banging, biting my arms, difficulty looking in people's eyes, obsessions, always being the smartest kid in class in elementary school, never fitting in anywhere. My endless "bad days" going on for years made sense.

Even looking at my family, things started to fall into place. How a normally kind, highly intelligent 60 year old man (my dad) could have meltdowns like a toddler, and then be remorseful and normal again.

I was so pissed off the first time I read this one that I couldn’t even respond to you. My mother would have done that. Come to think of it, she would have kept it from me even after I figured it out for myself.

Maybe he was an Aspie, too, and they made him so crazy that he fit the misdiagnosis?

People are crazy. When I tell people, they either don’t want to believe, act like I said someone just died, or they congratulate me for coming out of the closet. What are you talking about? This is good news. It’s not some huge, nameless horror any more, but a name-able, managable little quirk.

Of course I can blame them. They blamed me, and I didn’t even deserve it.

Same here.
The neurologist claims that the blood test ruled out Fragile-X. But I am undaunted. For one thing, there are plenty of other genes in the sea. For another, the mental model works so well, I’m keeping it no matter what. Even if someone could prove that I don’t have it (which is impossible, so I’m not worried) I would keep it anyway. If something works, you stick with it.

I did that. Along with a bunch of other stuff. Ten pages of it, and I dropped it off a week before my appointment with the neurologist. He was going to have to deal with a nut case, whether he took me seriously or or not.

No way. With Aspergers, I’m in charge, not a bunch of crazy people sharing my head.

It’s a huge spectrum, and to make such generalizations is irrational.
Don’t listen to them. They don’t know what they’re talking about. There are lies, there are damn lies and there are statistics. And those stats are so beyond stupid that I don’t know what to call them. The truth is that it is unknowable at this time because most of us are undiagnosed and uncountable. Undiagnosed and uncountable because they are functioning, married and employed.
That kind of crap is what’s causing the genocide, which already in progress.

I felt "right" for once. Everything "fit" into place. I knew who I was.

Now, I'm not so sure. Lots of people doubt self dx. Makes me down, and causes me doubt. Is it true?

Wish I could have seen a psych when I was 14-15, but now I think I've "normalized" enough. I'm just an idiot going nowhere, why bother...?

I'm sure. I don't care if I'm ever properly diagnosed or even if it's true.
I let other people define me for too long, and it left me a basket case. I'm defining myself now, and moving forward. Anyone who doesn't want to help can just get out of the way.

I think there was a sense of relief and some fear as well.

I was relieved because now I had a language to explain some of my actions.

Fearful, because it was still something unknown.

I basically feel the same, except about how sure I am. I'm really doing away with a lot of the baggage that's held me for so long. Even if it ain't true, even if I've only got traits, really I'm kind of relieved here. And exactamente about un-helpful types. Although, I do have to work on not antagonizing others... My problem there. Feels good to be here tho, this place is like a form of therapy.