suicide

Post Reply New Topic

Thank you very much, i am in tears right now. I feel a little bit better after i had a lil bit of sleep but the thought still kinda grinds in your mind, you know?

*watches http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZRib_aAQFQ in a loop*

I've been in this sort of state of mind for years now. I think it first started in my teens. I've been on at least 12 different medications of things ranging from antidepressants and benzo's to anti-psychotics and anti-seizure drugs. I usually get by with caffeine and nicotine today, but it's just been too much with this new job and all the stupid things people are doing these days in the world.

I have an appointment in October with a psychiatrist, which is the earliest anyone who takes my insurance could see me. I made it last month, and these days, I often wonder if I can make it that long. It seems like normal folks often ignore the prospect that life always ultimately ends with death and that they have no idea what they're doing or why they're wasting their lives with arbitrary, divisive labels and the sort of banal tripe in popular culture today. Am I insane for actually staring death in the face, in the eyes, without blinking?

Hey Tempy.
I found this site, maybe it is helpful for you. It is at least worth to have a look at it. Can you let us know when you had a look at the site and tell us what you think about it?

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

I read the website, and sent an email to the samaritans im a bit more calm now.

Tempy,

I have thought about suicide MANY times! My problem is that I am like a guy that is down to his last $10,000 and could risk $10,000 to become rich and secure! On the one hand, you think WOW, this will solve ALL my problems. On the other, you figure IF I FAIL I will end up ON THE STREET!

Likewise, I would LOVE to die. This WORLD could have been heaven for everyone, but they squandered it, and it is now basically HELL!

On the other hand, I DON'T want to be crippled, etc..., and couldn't figure a safe way to die.

When I spoke to a doctor about that, he diagnosed me as Bipolar, DUH! He also didn't understand AT ALL about the concept of suicide. UNREAL! I find it hard to believe that some don't understand, but they claim that is the case.

NOW, since I found out about AS, it reminded me of how I WAS! It seems like, if I keep to my interests and/or preferences, etc... life seems better. I don't expect the future has much for me. Death still seems like a good option, but I have stayed here for decades(I first thought about suicide as a little kid), and I guess I am staying.

BTW as for your seeming stupid about so many things? JOIN THE CLUB! I have spoken here about how I have been called Genius, etc... SERIOUSLY! Sometimes EVERYONE praises me a LOT! WHY!?!?!? Because they see more of my strengths, and I usually AVOID things I am bad at. Maybe YOU are the same! Work on your STRENGTHS, and try to build your weaknesses.

As for "suicide is painless"? It is one song that I can CLEARLY relate to. I just HATE the bells in that video. They are about the frequency that is PAINFUL to me, even at a low volume!

*reads on*

Talking about it does help alittle.

Life has it's ups and downs. It may feel bad now, but in a year or less, things change. You can ride out the bad and then the good comes along. And the good feels even better because of what you've been through.

Everyone on this forum is here for you. Talk to us and we will try and help. We may not always have the answer, but I promise you, we will listen.

I just wanted you to know. You aren't alone, you have over 20,000 friends and we're all here for you.

Glad to see you're still here Tempy.

Such feelings don't go away quickly, but do subside. So keep doing whatever you can to pass the time and keep talking.

Tempy, Tempy, Tempy,

Somebody cares what happens to you.

Somebody wants to see what you can become.

I don't believe in anything, really, but I also don't understand the logic behind the concepts of faith and sin since my reasoning is typically based on evidence-based thinking, well, unless I'm in some sort of psychotic state, which happens occasionally

My thoughts on this universe range from hopeful in terms of Namaste or a gloomy, sort of Richard Dawkins' "there is nothing" contemplation. I choose to believe neither, really. I find it more helpful to discuss these sort of things openly than to use thought-terminating cliches or religious statements.

I've a good bit of experience in talking [IRC, etc] to suicidal folks over the years, and I've noticed that religious or cliche arguments for life tend to fail far more frequently than appeals to logic and dissection of the thoughts of the suffering. In these states of mind, turning your attention to thinking about the emotion and misery often yields wisdom if you are strong enough to maintain the focus. There are still plenty of times when I fail to maintain this focus.

Hey Tempy,

Sorry got back to forum a bit later than I wanted. Good to read that the site was a bit helpful. And really brave you emailed the Samaritans. It needs quite a bit of courage and effort to take that step. The Samaritans are friendly, good listeners and understanding. They do understand you and do not critisize you or your thoughts at all. They can be a really good help. If you want and need to you can phone them (24 hours per day) and talk about what's going on in your mind too. Every little bit helps, even posting on the forum helps a bit I hope. Keep on posting eh!

And for other posters
Maybe items like this officially belongs in the Haven, but if you ask me, I really don't care and it doesn't matter at the moment too. It is important that Tempy had enough courage to honestly and openly post about whats going on.