nupkin wrote:
When I was at school I did not fit in but I believed, rather haughtily, that this was because of my superior intelligence. When I went to university I assumed I would have no trouble fitting in because everyone else was in the same intellectual boat as I.
I identify to some extent.
Quote:
However, not only did I not fit in, with my inappropriate bluntness, naivete and coarse loud voice, but in fact I developed an inferiority complex. When I wasn't invited to parties, and I could only make friends with a few select people but not fit in to a social group as a whole, I thought people shunned me because I was unrefined and downright embarrassing to be around.
I identify to some extent.
Quote:
This occurred everywhere I went subsequently, where I would befriend people who had the time and patience for me, but their friends found me immature or even simply vile. This happened with the people who I studied my subject with at uni, the choirs I joined, the folks I lived with on my gap year, and my colleagues at the current work place.
I respect you for having the courage to join a choir in spite of the way people treated you. I chose to stay away from all forms of extracurricular activities that required direct interaction with human beings.
Quote:
Several times my workmates have all gone to lunch together and not invited me, and indeed recently there was a wedding where practically everyone in my year group was invited except me. It's not as if I don't try; I go out of my way to say hello and chat to people when I see them around, but in the grand scheme of things, I am never going to be able to latch on to their group "banter".
I identify. But then again, even if there was a wedding, and I was invited, I still wouldn't go. It would be a nice gesture if I was invited, though.
Quote:
I think it's a vicious cycle. The more I feel people have an averison to my eccentric and inappropriate habits, the more I alienate myself from them, hurt and sometimes even bitter that I can't just be like them. But I seem to be a square peg in a round hole everywhere I go and I'm worried that eventually I'm going to tar all the "normal" people with the same brush, even though my very best friends are neurotypicals, and some of them very straight-laced.
Does anyone else ever feel a heated resentment to the world as a whole, or am I just insecure and hard-done-by?
I gave up trying to fit in a long time ago. As long as people don't laugh at me or treat me disrespectfully, I am in good terms with them.
