Easier to be AS and ugly?

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^^^trust me, ugliness is no picnic, because the ugly get a lot of attention too--just not the positive kind.

Strive to look as plain as possible (unflattering haircut & clothes) and you'll become invisible to others (more or less).

If you're replying to me -- I know it's not, I've been ugly in some people's terms my whole life, as I noted. And in most people's terms most of my adult life.

My whole point, and mentioning the two types of unwanted attention and so forth, was that attractive people often think it's better to be ugly, and ugly people often think it's better to be attractive. And it is often a case of 'grass is always greener' -- having gotten both reactions I can't say one is unequivocally better.

But then I loathe the kind of attention attractiveness brings as much as I loathe being singled out as ugly, so I might be unlike someone who enjoys attention for attractiveness.

I do have lifelong problem with shame about my appearance because of how relentlessly I've been criticized for it. But if I'd been unequivocally attractive, rather than just seeming to polarize people between either thinking me extremely attractive or thinking me extremely ugly, then I might have other problems, and pressures, to deal with.

One of the reasons I started doing my videos (even though I was quite nervous about being seen in public) was because I wanted people to see people who look like me as something other than very ugly (or even in some people's view, utterly disgusting-looking). The reception I got from some people has certainly showed some people's prejudice loud and clear.

Quoted for truth.


Becoming ugly is easy tho , you guys can ask a plastic surgery to make you uglier ...it will be a piece of cake for them , making deformities is certainly easier than fixing them. Why don't you do it?

Hi Anbuend,

I was actually replying to the post above yours which effectively stated that her life would be so much easier (or at least less aggravating) if she were ugly. I know you were making the same point I was--that being on either side of the fence can be annoying.

For those of us with AS, extreme attractiveness or ugliness is a bad thing in social situations since we often do not know how to handle them.

I do understand being teased for who I am fundamentally rather than any superficial point. People still made fun of me even after I got corrective surgery for my eyes, changed my hairstyle, and lost weight...mostly because I'm still an unsociable loner changes notwithstanding.

Oh okay that makes sense then.

I am not a very attractive person but even I get attention that I don't have the social skills to handle, maybe because I'm tall.

On the one hand the idea of having to deal with more stressful attention (particularly from women) seems like something I wouldn't want to deal with as it tends to happen in situations where all I can handle is completing my task (such as grocery shopping) and getting the heck out. On the other hand if I were so good looking that they were all over me when ever I went some where then it would greatly improve my chances at meeting someone I could connect with because of the higher number of opportunities.

Maybe it is best to be average so there is nothing that stands out about you that either repulses or attracts people.

For the longest time, I was assumed to be and treated as nothing but ugly - by peers, parents and teachers alike. It hurt sometimes, but I learned how to deal with it. In fact, it's all I knew how to deal with. It matched up with my odd behavior and lack of social skills, which were just as ridiculed and disliked by the parties mentioned above. It didn't make things easier on me in real life, per se, but at least I had a role to play, and play uncompromisingly at that. If they wanted a "monster," I'd damn well give them one.

It was only towards the end of high school and a couple things in college where things got confusing... because people did actually "like" me. I didn't know what to do with it. I thought they were messing with me, and I kind of hoped they were, as that would've made more sense to me in the context of what I knew how to deal with. Some of them weren't, and with those people I got into the bad habit of running away, mentally or even physically. I've just started to get the fact that I might not be entirely horrible for everyone to look at, despite what people have said. Don't plan to act on it, but it might be useful at some point to know if it is true.

When I was a kid, I was pretty much living in my internal world, but everyone around me kept pushing me to have my picture taken or something like that. The minute there was any kind of camera around, they would point it at me. I was always chosen to represent my class or my swim team or whatever, and what I really wanted was to be left alone.
I had a very hard time getting used to the attention. For example, when I was 14 years old, I was chosen to be the frontboy in a religious parade celebrated by French people. I was terrified, but still they insisted on putting me at the very front of this huge parade, depicting a young Saint. The role was traditionally reserved for "the most beautiful boy they could find", and our local priest decided, without even asking me, that it would be me. He simply sent pictures of me to the Bishop and that was that. They dressed me up in a strange embroidered white dress and put me high up on an enormous red velvet and gold chair with a gigantic cross behind me and paraded me on a chariot for what seemed to be forever. People were yelling and screaming at me, it was so awful, I wanted to throw up.
I was shaking with fear for the entire duration of the parade.

Also, being half Italian, I developed earlier than the other French boys, and I got a lot of unwanted attention from girls in particular. At swim competition, they would blow kisses and scream stuff at me, and it made me really self conscious, it was so embarrassing. One time, a girl sneaked into our locker room and took some pictures. She ran out giggling and yelled to her girlfriends "I got a picture of him naked!". I was mortified.

Oh.
My.
God !

That's gotta have sucked.

Of course there are upsides to being attractive - even if it's occasionally a bit embarrassing.

The main one is interest from pretty girls.

If I didn't look the way I do, I'm pretty sure I'd have never gotten into my first relationship at 17.
It was an awesome if occasionally cross-wired experience.

Fortunately, girls do most of the running in the pre-consummative period - and don't really seem to care much about social ineptitude too much.
It's more an animal thing that seems to transcend all higher interactions.

I guess from an evolutionary perspective, it's just as well - or there'd be no Aspies to make NT's feel superior.

Sexual attraction is almost like a separate language - a kind of machine code understood by all.

This is not fair at all. I hate it, but If i were ugly and socially ret*d that would stink too. I think its harder, because people expect you to be normal, and understand flirting. Both sexes flirt with me and I can't pick up on it. I usually attract stupid girls who are attractive, drug addicts, gay men, and creeps.

I was a pretty child, but being an introvert and growing overweight by jr. high school I was mercilessly teased at school. One girl even told me I was uglier than a pimple on an old man's butt (which is kind of funny now, but not then). I believed her.

But I grew up and out of my adolescent fat and have been called TDH, a handsome devil, and an Adonis at various times. Having been treated so badly, when some of the same girls who had actively teased me started being interested in me, I was disgusted. I was the same person, I just looked different . . . more conventionally attractive.

I've lost the bloom of youth but I still get quite a bit of attention. Feeling that I am emotionally an adolescent, an adult romantic relationship seems to be out of reach, and right now I'm avoiding relationships.

Mostly I hear from women how sad they are that I'm single. But I'd rather be single than to pretend that I'm capable of holding my emotions together, and being a disappointment when I can't. I think in some ways being attractive leads me to isolate myself -- to avoid attention. And believe me, when you are a guy and have a look that is currently thought of as being attractive, there is a lot of expectation that you will be a Casanova, and I've experienced a lot of confusion and anger sent my way when I'm not. Just last month I was chided because I wasn't getting it on with the ladies at an educational program I was attending.

The grass is greener on the other side. I've experienced both sides, and I can say what matters is that you accept yourself. I've found that being comfortable with oneself is very attractive, whether or not you look like you're ready for your closeup.

Z

Yes, it does seem as though outward appearances, more often than not, lend themselves to situations ultimately detrimental to us.

Yeah, it's just amazing what a strop a lot of girls go into when they realise the sentiments aren't mutual.
I think it's a wounded pride thing - like they're working on the assumption that most guys want to shag anything that moves and since they rarely put out, they're doing guykind a massive favour by offering themselves to you.
How dare I rebuff their overtures !
Like 'Get a f**king grip, b***h'.
And WE'RE supposed to be the ones with no emotional control !

Mind, I've backed out of entering relationships for a very long time now.
It's a MASSIVE shame, because two of the girls I really liked were jaw-droppingly spectacular (I mean, made Vogue cover girls look plain) and spent AGES waiting for me to make a move.
I still think about them EVERY day - but I was sooooh insecure back then.

Now I understand myself, I'm fine again.
I felt sorry for us both.

I am very plain looking, but I take care to dress well and project a professional image when I go to work. People tell me I look nice.

I'm relatively handsome and it really makes no difference to me. If girls pay attention to me, I'm not usually aware of it unless they are very direct (and none have been thus far). It doesn't bother me at all though. My mind is special, my face is just meat.

SOME told me I was handsome. And, for what it is worth, when they saw me in a way they could judge, they said I would make some woman very happy. Frankly, I consider myself about average looking and, from what I understand, I am rather modestly above average the other way. But who am I to judge, since I am straight and all.

Frankly, one wonders. One HERE joked, at least she CLAIMED to, that I "must be ugly or gay, since I am not married".

Frankly, I don't think anyone would wonder that much less if you were ugly.

And, for all the complaining I do about missed opportunities, etc... I wouldn't want to marry or have sex with just ANYONE. AND, if it were TOO easy, I wouldn't even consider it.