funny NT overinterpreting stories

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Actually what I meant was, you "pulled rank" on her based on your merit, rather than defering to her status. NT's don't like that.

Lol, well, it is funny, and people who don't have kids do these sorts of things all the time, because they really do think of their pets like children, but to a parent ... well ... it's not the same at all.

Recommended response: "oh, no, of course not! I guess I just wasn't thinking. You see, my dog is my baby, I know it's not the same thing, but ...:





Oh, these are good, lol! To you, the "consumption depends on weight" was probably just an interesting fact to throw in, no connection to your friend directly. To her, you wouldn't have said it unless you meant to suggest she didn't have to cut back, ie that she could drink more than average, ie that she is overweight.

I can definitely lack tact even though I don't consider myself Aspie, really (my son is; I just have a few Aspie traits). I've learned to cover up really fast with some "oh no, that's not what I meant, I'm sorry, it was just a random thought that came into my head," all the way acting light, air-heady, and maybe giggly. That sort of comment. OR, serious apology and concern, if they seem REALLY upset again explaining that I never meant to make a connection.

Last edited by DW_a_mom on 12 Sep 2008, 5:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Perhaps she didn't know what you were dispensing?

Maybe respond, "really, you do know I am dispensing XXXX, don't you?" Or, "I thought XXX wasn't approved for humans?" Leave the door open for them to see their own mistake, instead of pointing it out to them.

Last edited by DW_a_mom on 12 Sep 2008, 5:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't know how he made the connection either. Maybe he is more literal than you. I can see that he might think you are comparing parental responsibility to owning a dog, but really there are similarities. Most parents I met are light hearted about stuff like that. Besides some animals, like a parrot, it really is like having a four year old child except they will probably outlive you and they still be like a four year old child.

Perhaps when you share details they didn't ask for, it comes across as if you think they don't know that information.

Probably one of those "pragmatic language" things.

There is no reason to correct people about information that is wrong but has no effect on anything. If a concert is in the past, for example, it doesn't really matter if the details are wrong. If the concert is coming up, however, it does. I always approach those with a question: "I thought that concert was at XXXXX?"

Now that is sad. There most definitely ARE times one needs to assert themselves, even if there is a risk to it. Just do it as tactfully as possible.

I think what you missed here was only that bringing up pets, employees, anything in response to a comment about a child is kind of a sore spot with parents. People without kids don't "get" what our lives are like, and they constantly act as if they do, and THAT is probably what really set him on edge. The idea that if you could bring your dog, he could bring his daughter - why else would you mention it? I've gotten used to it over the years and I would have kept my mouth shut, not saying what he did, but if he's still in those exhausting toddler years ... well, the poor guy is so sleep deprived he wouldn't know a slight from a joke if you told him.

My disclaimer:

I really hope that you all understand I am NOT trying to be a know it all by making suggestions as to how some of things appeared to the NT's. It's just that I see the situations differently than many other posters, and I thought it would be useful to the discussion to share why, to show you what I see.

So if you hate my responses and suggestions, fine, say so, I can take it. I don't mind. It's that fine line I walk at home as well: when to say what I see, when to keep it to myself. The more I can understand EVERYONE, the better off I figure I am in life.

Personally, I don't see how anyone could take offense to that? How did the female friend deduce she was fat by you saying "the consumption of alcohol depends on your weight?". It's a scientific fact like water boils at 212 degrees fahrenheit(100 degrees celsius), and that a mile is 5,280 feet. I don't see how anyone could take offense to that?

We are not implying that you are fat, why do you make a judgment before knowing the context? Soooooo NT, make judgments based on speculative and unsubstantied data and then can't support them, despite being told to do so in "school" when you are supposed to "learn". If I didn't know something about say, Comoros, I would look it up. That's how I know the capital is Moroni and that's a former French colony about 200 miles from Mozambique in the channel of the same name. Now if you asked a NT about Comoros, they say wtf? NT logic and implications make just as much sense as an elephant in New York.

NT's generally are not interested in facts for the pure joy of it being a fact. The other woman wouldn't have been able to see why the fact was brought up in that context unless it was to suggest she didn't have a drinking problem, and the only way to get to THAT is to assume she weighs more than average. The information isn't relevant to the decision she was sharing.

I don't jump to conclusions like that myself, because I do enjoy interesting facts, but that really isn't how most of the world thinks. You only need to know what is relevant.

But I think the whole thing is funny, because it's classic "you say banana (pronounced X way) and I say banana (pronounced Z way)." Two completely different ways of looking at the same situation, and both relevant, IMHO. Just the sort of thing comedy is based on. I think the OP sees that, one of the reasons for starting this thread, the opportunity for some great stories?

Now if I've REALLY put my foot in my mouth, please be kind and don't get TOO mad at me.

The original post was funny.
People who have a mindset of what they think we are think they should do better. Announcing some information on a high level would indicate that the person has been knocked down and a challenge has been set. It's mainly a fight for survival really. "I am superior" etc (NT)

Why should we learn to sugar coat almost everything when it is more efficient to say it out right. It's what makes us damned good at what we do with efficiency. I do like to know if there are any problems the person has that I talk to so I can be more patient. I swear I am being more patient with other people in case they misunderstand me

I am thinking that people are left without the power to make that choice unless both sides are understood.

I hope you know that I was posting my observations for the point of understanding, not to say who needs to conform to whom. Once you understand where the other side is coming from, that choice is yours and yours alone, as to who bends to whom.

People, NT or no, make these kinds of misinterpretations all the time. It is funny after the fact. People have sensitive areas that can't be predicted. I'm not responsible for stepping on toes that I have no way of predicting are there. I try to smooth it over when possible, but it's not always possible because there are folks who just plain like being offended. I gave up feeling guilty about it a long time ago.

Well, it's effectively, the nurse teaching the doctor.

However right the nurse may be, it just looks bad because the doctor's supposed to know more than the nurse.

Appearances are paramount in such situations.
Better to can it, than undermine the vet's authority.

It's known as suppressing your intellect/knowledge/experience.

These sorts of things throw a bit of a spanner in the socio-functional functioning of a practice.

The more qualified the bod, the more fragile and demanding of careful handling the ego becomes.

Aspergicals HAVE to practice using as much tact as they can.
It's a matter of social/professional survival.

Oops. I didn't think to specify that I meant an upcoming concert.