Can someone have great social skills and still have AS?

Post Reply New Topic

Jenk, you wouldn't mind explaining that one for me would you?? I'm usually quite good at understanding quotes like that but can't seem to fathom this one . Apologies.

"Only when our true identity is hidden can we be totally honest. This statement is true, as is Eliot's. Everyone has a face that he or she, in the words of Paul McCartney, "keeps in a jar by the door."

We converse freely on the internet. I will always be masked in public if attempting to successfully socialise. I will be most honest publically, when I feel secure in my presentation as a considered contributor to the conversation. My true self is surpressed, the little child desperately stating the obvious.
As noted before, all people are to some degree self-concious in social situations, some adapt, others do not, we are all masquarading, some masks are more elaborate than others, because the painters naturally talented, I am just copying another work.
Well something like this just came to mind when I read a couple of the posts and saw the word mask. Dam my spontaneous quoting of random rubbish.

Last edited by Jenk on 07 Oct 2008, 7:03 am, edited 1 time in total.

Ahhh, I understand now!! It wasn't random rubbish at all Jenk, was well placed, just me being a bit slow .

I've occasionally met autistic people who have very good social skills for interacting with non-autistic people. I don't mean that they were mimicking standard social behavior. I mean that somehow they were able to consistently bridge the communication gap between autistic and non-autistic people in a highly skilled manner, even if they appeared extremely autistic in the process. Hard to describe.

I think you can have great social skills, but it takes alot of hard work and putting yourself out there.

However, you will always have a part of you that comes off as "different", and unfortuetly, that will affect how people see you. Don't be hard on yourself as society hasn't come to terms with being around others not like themselves (look at the riots in France for example)

A person with AS can't learn perfect social skills, just like a person with dyslexia can't learn to read and write perfectly. On the other hand, people with Asperger's can improve their social skills to an adequate level. Eye-contact, hand gestures etc. isn't that hard to learn.

I've always been hearing these wonderous stories about aspies learning everything about the social world and end up having functional lives like everyone else, but it always takes like 40 years of tedious struggle.
And by then your whole life passed you by and you have barely any time to enjoy your new capabilities.

Think I kind of do that . I can use monologues and complex metaphors around my friends and get a laugh every time, I'm quite the comedian . Mind you, I think that's extremely reliant upon thier sense of humour. The handful of them that I've known for years know and love my sense of humour, whereas others find me very hard to read. I've been asked whether I'm on drugs several times when I havn't been on anything at all .

Don't know whether that's the kind of thing you were referring to anbuend? Because to be fair, if any other aspie were to observe me with my friends, it'd be extremely obvious to them.

I don't see why someone with AS or classic autism couldn't eventually learn how to socialize in an appropriate way. It is a matter of figuring out rules, and applying them within different environments. If someone relates in a different way, if they lack empathy or theory of mind, they still may be able to socialize effectively by working around their blind spots, although differences may be obvious. It does take motivation...and faith in oneself.

Also, true to my idealistic nature, I refuse to believe that something as necessary as acquisition of social skills just isn't possible. I believe social success is a matter of learning some principles of reciprocity and then seeking an environment where people respect differences in communication styles and then try to meet you halfway. This is where political activism comes into play. Apparently, autistic people and those who love them will have to fight to make this type of environment more common. We already have posts on here from those who have sought out foreign culture, or counterculture, as a survival strategy. Posts from those who are starting schools which cater to the needs of autistic children.

Things will surely be better in 10 years, as diligent people work to smash stereotypes and build awareness.

Agree with this.

That's similar to how I'd describe how I socially interact and so far, it's the only way that works for me - which works great too, if I may say so.

Not trying to learn and apply the social skills of others, but changing interaction into something that is always a meeting half-way for all parties involved. People say it's refreshing, different and mutual, so I'd say them and I do a good job together. There are people that are wary about someone who seems to get along with pretty much everyone, but it's not like other people are always honestly liked either and I can play that game too especially since I do not mind or have to consider sympathy.

I personally totally failed at trying to mirror other peoples' social skills in the past/the standard way of socialising. So I won't try that again. I know the theory, but I cannot apply it, can't just 'do' it.

I know I must constantly sound like a party crasher here but why do we have to put our kids through this, why not just let functional people make babies and try to live out the rest of our lives with as much happiness as possible and die out instead of passing the torch of unecessary suffering to the next generation. AS is genetic, there is no true way to escape it, until we make the decision to finally stop it.

Remember, the keyword: SUPPORT.

This attitude is not a supportive one and this is what makes all our lives harsher than they need be.

It's a bit like someone who is left handed learning to write with their right hand.

If you work hard at it and the level of your AS in that trait is such, then you can learn social skils and even excel with them. Some Aspies actually have higher social skills than NT's simply because they have made understanding such things a science.

Of course, I still believe that we have social skils, but they are our social skills, not NT's social skills. I can communicate with other Aspies just fine 90% of the time, like we all speak the same language. Maybe if the NT's tried to learn our social skills, they'd have just as hard a time as we do learning theirs.

Each person has different numbers on the dials, so one Aspie might have a very hard time learning NT Social, but may be fine in other areas usually associated with AS. I suppose for that person, it might be like trying to learn to sing when you're tone deaf.

Sorry.. I'm not exactly familliar with this strange word....
Will it ever happen though? Do you think it's logical to think so in todays world or tomorrows?>

Well, for one, you're assuming that all people with AS "suffer unnecessarily". You're also assuming that only NT people are "functional" enough to succeed in life. You're ignoring the fact that most people who have ever had AS have lived at least average, and sometimes, great lives. And this was BEFORE "early intervention" (which leads me to question whether or not "early intervention" for AS is all that great of an idea in the first place, but that's another rant.)

Sure, you could set a benchmark saying "All people with IQs under 70 should not breed", then it will be "All people with a disability, mental, or physical, should not breed".

How long is it before we say "Those with strong medical histories of cancer, heart disease, Alzheimers, diabetes, autism, etc... should not breed"? It would get to the point where only a select few who's families typically live until their 100's who would be allowed to breed, in order to minimize "unnecessary suffering" of disabilities and diseases.

My social skills are I think very good for a person suspecting herself of an autism spectrum disorder - I mean, even if in practice I don't deal with social situations well, I have really very extensive theoretical knowledge how people should behave in this or that situation, what they should do to cause a desired effect. I wrote about it in this topic: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt59183.html

Anyway, devouring tons of books and watching TV gave me good education in this respect.