Having Babies

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...uh... who said anything about blame? Simple statement was made here. The assumption is that the services system is messed up and services are not enough for existing people. You and I agree on this I thik. GIVEN that assumption IF a person is already requiring services it makes sense for them to NOT breed and add to an already taxed system. This goes for NTs as well as ASD. All people in the US.

I am ASD and if I was to have another child today there would be celbration and joy from the masses. People do not care that I have a disability. They care that I am financially caring for myself and contributing in a financial way back to society.

Not saying it is right or wrong... just saying it is and that this discussion is not about disability. It is abotu money.

And so the rather sorry and pathetic state of capitalist mentality is summed up: you are worthless if you make nothing of worth, you are not enough to warrant respect

But thankfully most people don't feel that way, most people believe you should be generous and loving and understanding and that we sohlud be less greedy, only most people don't rule the nations, and most people don't control the wealth.

I've never noticed this where I live personally. I had excellent care when I was pregnant, extra counselling, anything I needed.

We're talking about rights and responsibilities, not respect. You may or may not deserve respect based on things you do. As a human being and a citizen, you have rights, but you also have responsibilities. You're responsible for whatever you make. Sometimes people make babies they can't take care of. In a perfect world it wouldn't happen, but it happens in this world, and someone has to take care of them. We can't just euthanize them like animals. That doesn't mean irresponsibility should be encouraged, nor that it shouldn't be discouraged.


I'm sure the doctor just wanted to make sure you'd be able to make an educated decision. Your sons were apparently the "easy" kind, but many aspies are very tough to raise and some parents can't handle one, let alone two.


We have a saying "No use crying when the crap is already in your pants." Wikiquote says the English equivalent is "No use crying over spilt milk."

I remember when I had my baby, I was asked about if I'd feel comfortable with someone coming over and seeing how things are going? I was okay with it. But what I didn't know was they called social services because they were concerned like I might not be able to read my baby's cues. So one of them showed up in March finally. But she didn't see any signs of abuse and everything looked good so they closed it.

Then this past Sunday I was at my autism group and I hear about OHSU that how discriminative they are against autistic people and someone there reported this one mother just because she wouldn't enroll her autistic child in something. I didn't understand the whole story but it sounded bad and I thought no wonder someone from there called CPS on me. Go figure.

We do agree on the money and services. i had taken this statement more negatively than you intended it, i believe;

That is the rub here from what I can tell. If you are on the dole and/or otherwise cannot support yourself, then it seems pretty ungrateful and selfish to bring a child into that mix to some people.

Apologies if I read the tone of this incorrectly.

okay am completely confused. Bare with me as I work this out. How can this statement be confused as insulting even if I was the one to say it as opposed to hearing it from others?

How is it anything but ungrateful or selfish to bring a child into this world if you cannot already even care for yourself?

This is a controversial topic here Kfisherx because it brings out strong feelings and people feel attacked when they express the same opinion you have because it speaks against them simply because they are poor and need assistance to support their kids so they feel you are saying they shouldn't have had kids at all. or even if they did have kids when they didn't need assistance then but then lost their jobs and then needed assistance, they still feel attacked with your opinion.


Everyone wants to have kids and the argument about it is "Should poor people have to suffer by not having kids because they are too poor to have them?" Then that leads to government assistance like food stamps or WIC or welfare and that is also a controversial topic too. People think those are there for people who need them but not for people who need them for life or so people can have kids and then get on it. They also believe everyone should go to school and get a high education so they can get off the programs. But the argument about it is what about people with disabilities who aren't bright enough to go to college or people who have too much of a learning issue to go? Should they not have kids either? That is the argument and why it's so controversial.

If I could afford it I would have kids. But if I met someone now that I am busted ass broke I would do what I could to avoid having kids.

I watch Maury Povich and Steve Wilcos I can not believe how many NT males are running around getting women pregnate then running away without providing support. You should see how many NT women on these shows have these variety pack families like three kids by three different fathers and not one penny goes to their kids. That money is better spent on expensive clothes, bling, and other expensive status symbols their kids go without a crib but their dad sure looks fly. Maybe if someone is producing more than three children without providing for them then they should be the one steralized not an autistic person. You do not see child protective services want to check up on the trash that constantly produce unwanted children yet they harrass some autistic parent to see if they are worthy to keep a child WTF it makes me want to blow something up.

It's less ungrateful and selfish than having an abortion. Accidents happen. I agree with you though, I wouldn't bring a child into the world unless I had the economic resources to deal with it.

Sorry China, I'm really not sure what that means. I'm not trying to be rude or anything.

Maybe I mis-understood the thread when I replied last time.

Last edited by mb1984 on 11 May 2011, 6:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Who pays for all these children that people are having who cannot afford to pay for their own selves to eat? That is my only question. The systems are already failing and poorly managed and yet a person who is on the dole assumes that they should add another? I don't get the logic.

Again this is not an ASD issue. NTs are doing the same thing and that too is frowned upon. Nobody would frown upon me if I decided to have another.

Not everyone approaches the creation of a family from a logical, rational, cost/benefit analysis point of view. Not everyone on the spectrum is living on government money and, from what I've seen, many people on the spectrum with an inability to work, without a family support structure and the inability to adequately care for themselves do not often choose to start a family.

I read an assumption in your statement; that people living on assistance are ungrateful and selfish, therefore intentionally choosing to leech off of society. I have met people like this, but none of them have been on the spectrum. I'm sure there may be some on the spectrum that do this as well. I haven't encountered anyone here that is proud to be on assistance. I have encountered many people here that have resorted to public assistance and SSA after many years of failure and seem to bear a fair amount of guilt about it. There are some of the younger generation that have a skewed version, as discussed in the previous post, but I think that is a seperate issue - one that we agree on.

My disagreement was based on what I perceived as a blanket statement about all people on assistance. There are numerous reasons why a family might find themselves in a desperate situation. I felt it unfair to blanket everyone with the 'selfish' and 'ungrateful' characterization. I take it now that you did not intend it as a blanket statement but, rather, were referring to that segment of society that is intentionally leeching off of the system.

Taxes. Our taxes goes into Social Security, medicare and other programs and with the poor economy, less people are working so they aren't getting as much money so therefore, the system is failing. Plus if people keep abusing it by having more and more kids for the sake of it, they will run out or not have enough to give to all those people who actually need it. My sister in law got her tubes tied after two kids because she did not want to have anymore since she can't afford any. Her two kids were unplanned so she didn't want it to happen again.

Why wouldn't anyone frown upon you if you decided to have another?

I read it as people who have kids who are already getting assistance or people who cannot afford to have kids have them anyway and then go on assistance.