Do you tell other people you have AS (or an ASD)?

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RohrbachDS
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11 Oct 2008, 6:38 pm

Generally I don't tell people for no reason. If someone were to ask me, I'm not going to lie to them and say "No, I don't have it." I generally just assume they really don't care about it.


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11 Oct 2008, 6:41 pm

mostly everybody knows with me, even if i dont tell them, but if not i sometimes do try to let them know for my sake and so they stop staring haha


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11 Oct 2008, 6:52 pm

My fear if I tell people too early is that they'll reach certain misleading conclusions about me based on the AS label. If I tell people after I get to know them, I imagine that it'd be a small detail compared with my personality in general, which is exactly how I want it.



theotherle
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11 Oct 2008, 11:13 pm

I don't know if I have this, but when it comes to my boyfriend, I'm of the opinion that he's better off keeping it to himself. I'm hugely proud of him, and while in an ideal world, people should be understanding and accommodating, that's simply not reality. I can imagine people discrediting him, as noted earlier in this thread. I do wish, however, that he'd said something more at the start of our relationship, because "I take things literally" was nowhere near sufficient, and caused a lot of unnecessary hurt and confusion for us both. Telling partners early on is a definite must.

Somewhat amusingly, his mother is one of those people who I believe would try even harder to convince him that he might enjoy something that he's always avoided if he just tried it. Though I wonder whether she would say the same to her partner, who is very shy, and spends the majority of his time in solitude working on an interest that has led him to become quite well-respected for his vast knowledge in an extremely narrow, specific field... I don't know whether she's pieced it all together, but I find it interesting that the person pushing for normality has the most ties to AS (it's very obviously from her side of the family).

Still, I think its wise to be careful who you tell. People aren't going to understand unless they want to, and the majority simply can't be bothered.



ajpmom
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12 Oct 2008, 12:58 am

As a parent of two Autistic children, one HFA, I can tell you I have mixed emotions about telling someone.

Some days it is quite obvious when my son is having a meltdown in the middle of a store. Other days they can "blend in" and people think you are just making excuses for them. I even have family that says I just want my children to be sick (even though both were diagnosed at the MIND Institute) and won't talk to me anymore.

Some days I want to wear a shirt that says "Autistic moment in progress, BACK OFF" or "My children have Autism, have patience and understanding, and please do not STARE at them."They are people too.

I have even had "two supervisors" at Disneyland stop us after one of my sons had a meltdown in a line. The ride broke and we got stuck in the line. Let's just say Disneyland is not the happiest place on earth for two ASD children.

I guess it just depends on the situation.



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12 Oct 2008, 1:27 am

What if you know someone who displays Aspie traits? There's this guy I know and I seem to be drawn to him and have had a long term obsession with him. But now he's finally talking to me some after 4 years of working with him. It was just so awkward and weird between us for so long. It's like we couldn't talk.

But now that we are, it's almost comical. I did ask him not too long ago if he had ever heard of Asperger's Syndrome and he said no. Of course, I think what he heard is Assburgers Syndrome and I think he thought I was calling him an assburger, oh well. I forgot to pronounce it differently when I said it. Then another time, about a week and a half ago I guess he got weirded out that I was tying to talk to him and he asked me why I don't hang out with my friends and my first response was "What friends?" He got all hypered up and real fast said "I don't know. I don't know your friends, you don't know my friends". I was like "What are you talking about?" And he repeated himself so I was like "Whatever." and left.

We work together and he's walked by me several times, like he's wanting me to say something but I'm too afraid to and I'm not sure, but I think he might be too but I can't tell. If I was better about reading body language and expressions maybe I could but oh well.
He almost kind of reminds me of the guy on "Mozart and the Whale". When it comes to women he acts like him but other times he doesn't. He's just incredibly quiet and sometimes withdrawn. He's 49 and has always lived with his parents and never been married.

So I'm thinking about writing him and letting him know I'm sorry and mention the Asperger's Syndrome and just tell him now he's heard of it but if he wants to know what it is, he'll have to find out himself. But I'm so afraid of even just doing that and really afraid he'll just blow me off as weird and I'll never hear from him again. I wouldn't be directly saying I have it exactly, but indirectly I would be. Anybody have an opinion on this?



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12 Oct 2008, 1:30 am

I only tell people who I'm really close with. I don't feel most people need to know, nor do I feel it matters. My boyfriend knows. So do a couple close friends.



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12 Oct 2008, 1:39 am

ajpmom wrote:
I have even had "two supervisors" at Disneyland stop us after one of my sons had a meltdown in a line. The ride broke and we got stuck in the line. Let's just say Disneyland is not the happiest place on earth for two ASD children.


That's strange you mention that, because I very rarely have meltdowns in public, but Disney World was one of the few public places I actually did have a meltdown at. Must be all the overstimulation.



Eggman
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12 Oct 2008, 4:34 am

No. I also dont tell them my age, IQ, sexuality, how much I make, where I live...nothing they dont need to know



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12 Oct 2008, 4:59 am

My family knows, and I've told my two friends. And my Asperger's penfriend knows, obviously. And one other person. I feel like the people at my workplace suspect it. Or maybe I'm just paranoid.



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12 Oct 2008, 5:56 am

I told the dentist, and I guess I'd tell doctors or nurses etc. I wouldn't tell people socially, they get it all wrong.



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12 Oct 2008, 5:56 am

I told the dentist, and I guess I'd tell doctors or nurses etc. I wouldn't tell people socially, they get it all wrong.



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12 Oct 2008, 9:08 am

I do tell. I feel like the only way that we can change the way that people look at us in relationship to the spectrum is to have interaction with us and realise what the "face of autism" is. I know that's cliche. I am my own advocate, I guess. I feel like the people in the world who think the entire spectrum of autism is rocking and drooling need to have interaction with people like me to know that's not an accurate idea.

I like to let people get to know me a little and understand how I operate not in their idea of what autistic means and then spring it on them. I love the reaction of "but you don't rock and drool" LOL.


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12 Oct 2008, 9:23 am

OK, I've maybe told a couple of people, but a very very select few.

And even then I wish I hadn't. At church, for example, a lot of people know. And they are disparaging about it. Not to my face, but I know they have been disparaging about my AS to a friend of mine (whose son has autism).

I certainly didn't tell the amount of people who know.

I also had to tell my boss when I started my job. I was specifically asked. It was a harrowing experience having to do that.

Some people know I have AS because I run the local Asperger society and it kinda leaks out I have AS. Some people are more understanding than others.



Dragonfly_Dreams
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12 Oct 2008, 9:59 am

I was never shy about telling others that my daughter was autistic. Until now :(



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12 Oct 2008, 11:31 am

i never tell anyone, i told a couple of people at primary school and i havent spoken to them since.
but its not too bad, because i apparently dont act much different from a normal person