Earliest Memories

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I remember being in my crib (baby crib, not my house-haha) and my baby brother was in his in my parents' bedroom. It was in this big old house we moved from when I was about 5 or 6 years old, so I must have only been about 2, maybe 3 at the most. I remember what the bedroom looked like, the cutouts of exotic birds that were lined up along the picture rail. I even remember what I was thinking. We were supposed to be taking a nap. I remember I was jealous of my brother because my mom was giving him more attention. I heard a train blow its whistle off in the distance. I actually liked that sound (I still do) and was not afraid of it, but thought that if I cried, I would get mom's attention and get a hug. So I did. It woke up my brother and he started crying because I was. Mom came running and, of course, ran to his crib first. I was pretty ticked off.

That is my first memory.

My first memory?

Darkness, a slimey squishing pressure against my head, my nose being flatened hard into my head. I wanted to escape this situation! Someone telling me (non-verbal) "don't worry, you only have to do this once/you will never go through this again". And then bright light.

People tell me that I can't possibly remember being born, that this must be a dream based on my knowledge of what birth is like. But to me at least the memory has always seemed real.

I remember breastfeeding. I remember being in diapers laying in my crib. I remember my mother spoon feeding me before I could talk. I remember my father standing me up on his knees before I could walk. I have many early memories, most of them just snatches of events.

My mother also tells me that as an infant I used to have seizures, but those stopped by the time I was 18 months. I don't remember them, and I don't think I have them any more. But occasionally I have awakened in the middle of the night and it has seemed like the entire room is vibrating. So perhaps I still have them. I can never wake up enough to be able to quantify exactly what I am experiencing and such events are rare enough that I don't have much data to go on.

I remember it being Christmas and I was being pushed in a double-buggy,
I must have been about two?

I remember that I refused to drink milk from my mother because of her scent and the warmth of her body. when I asked her just a few weeks ago she told me that it is true. she tried for two weeks to feed me after I was born and then give it up. so I know for sure some things of my early days.

My earliest memory is from when I was about nine, I think.

Seems bizarre to me, when people say I can remember swimming around in my dad's testicles or similar.

I wondered what my earliest memory was, because of my depression I thought that I don't have a memory of my childhood. but I rememered these things which I have written above and I refuse(d) contact of my body from others as well.