How much have your efforts to fit in paid?

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Sorry, I can't help with that I fear. I'm from Germany and kids and youths have access to therapists that are only for ASDs. It's very individual.

Because I'm already a young adult, there's usually just a lot of talking. I learn by trying to understand my/the autistic perspective and the non-autistic perspective, that's all.

OMG this is so true.

I worked very hard at learning how to fit in, how not to annoy, how not to confuse, how to be pleasant, how to not be egocentric, etc. All my life. I was in therapies on and off for 30 years.

Nowadays at 47 I have no friends, no relations with family either immediate or extended, and only 1 acquaintance I talk to once a month, more or less, and meet about twice a year. I almost always eat alone at work, something very unheard of where I work. My boss hates my guts.

So obviously all the efforts I made didn't work for me at all. The only difference is I don't get in nasty conflicts with people anymore as I used to all the time - ever since I discovered the hierarchy and that one is supposed to treat people according to who needs who more. I consider this a huge advancement in my social relations. So I didn't vote "no difference", I voted "not enough to justify the efforts".

Making one more round with the microphone...

Well, my efforts to fit in paid off well externally--successful career, house, nice resume of things I no longer have any intention of ever doing again in my life, so help me G-d.

But then there was the twisting myself into pretzels thing. And the mimicking people thing so I'd be the right kind of person to be their friend thing. Those were exhausting.

And then, there was the habit of doing the things I loved for all the wrong reasons: to impress people, to get them to like me, to have a social group, to be normal. It didn't work, and it took all the joy out of the things I have a passion for.

At the end of my trying desperately to fit in stage, I was in a state of despair. I was so lonely. I couldn't figure out why I didn't have any friends, or even how people managed to make them in the first place.

Then I figured out that I have AS and that I can't fit it in. It's been a big relief, actually. I'm just myself. And now people seem to enjoy my presence. Strangers, even. It's kinda cool. I know that ultimately, I'm usually going to be the odd one out in any situation, but I'm kind of okay with that now. Even the loneliness is okay. I think that all human beings fear loneliness. It's just that NTs have more options for diverting themselves and not thinking about it. I'm really facing my loneliness, and it's getting easier. It's gone from being an emotional disaster to a spiritual path. I realize I'm not the only lonely person in the world. And all my special interests I have such a passion for? Now I do them for me, not for anyone else, and it's very satisfying.

Does that answer your question?

Being able to mimick people enough to have a career, a house...sounds like huge success to me. Success is the relation between what you set out to accomplish and what you achieve.

yeah, it's almost like a protein interfacingwith a cell; I have individual bits of knowledge, facts, etc., that I wind up using to deal with each person. One on one, I'm good for a little while. But a huge party, and I'm lost. In fact, I could have met someone with AS at the last party here. It's a shame I didn't but my wife told her (thanks, wife...

I've been going through the company training programs (there's 3,000 or so, so there's something for everyone. I found a bunch of 'how to deal with arrogant, negative, procrastinators, etc" classes. It's helping a little, knowing someone's actually passing out 'rules'. We'll see if it helps.

i agree with this.

I try to be capable and accurate and I usually succeed which is more than I can say about most people. It seems to me that most people should try to “fit in” with me rather than me trying to “fit in” with them.