How Are Your Relationships With Your Peers?

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MONKEY
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28 Mar 2009, 3:33 pm

I get on better with younger people. I don't have the best relationship with my peers.


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elderwanda
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28 Mar 2009, 7:10 pm

ReGiFroFoLa wrote:
Do You get on well with Your peers? I, personally, can't find anything in common with my peers... I prefer the company of people older than me or little children... Anyone else experiance it?


When I was your age, I felt like my peers were a different species than me. Well, I'm not sure if I would have put it that way at the time, because I hadn't really even given it much thought in the way I would now. There was no "AS". I just knew that I didn't enjoy being around my peers. I didn't relate to the things that they seemed to get excited by, and they didn't seem to understand my need for quiet reflection. Sometimes I would just start to feel comfortable with some peers, and then one of them would get a look on their face like, "what...the...hell...is...wrong...with...you???" and I'd go back to feeling like a different species! At the time I thought I was just surrounded by mean people.


Now that I'm older, I suppose I still prefer older people, but it's hard to say. I suppose my "peers" are the other moms of kids who go to my kids' school. I see them everyday, but they are just part of the scenery. It rarely occurs to me to interact with them, and if it does occur, it's not much. Other than my husband, children, and my parents (who I see several times a year), I don't really have anyone that I interact with at all. So, I don't know.



Emor
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28 Mar 2009, 7:23 pm

If by peers you mean people my age, I usually don't get along with them that well.
Right now, I'm constantly patronized by people my age. Even people I use to consider friends patronize me. Even people who are on the f'ing spectrum them self patronize me!
I'm different. They don't really know why, so they make the assumption I'm stupid, if they're not in my class. Even the people who've listened to my presentations and know I'm clearly not stupid patronize me.
So now, I'm left thinking the moment someone says something to me, it's them patronizing me, and it's just a constant loop.
I'm determined to not let something happen, which has already happened(people think I'm mentally ret*d and inferior to them[I'm anti-social, not an idiot]).
I can't really make any friends right now, I'm too paranoid about them patronizing me.
I get along quite well with the people I talk to on Skype who are my age though. However, they're probably on the spectrum anyway and share my interest in computers anyway... And also don't get along with most people their age.
I don't relate very well with adults though too. It's too awkward. I feel adults patronize me too, LOL.
EMZ=]



djinnNtonic
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29 Mar 2009, 1:28 pm

When I was a kid I had a handful of friends, not many. That's been true my whole life. I did go thru a horrible time in my 20s where I was very depressed, self medicating (whole other thread topic) and being about as anti-social as one can be (not speaking to anyone for days at a time, avoiding all human contact, going into full hermit mode). If I hadn't pulled myself out of that rut I would no doubt be dead or homeless by now.

These days it largely depends on the person. I can get along OK with most people on a superficial level (i.e "acquaintances") but beyond that, people either get along with me or they don't, there doesn't seem to be any middle ground. Also, I know I can weird people out sometimes, going from being really quiet to "can't shut me up" mode. Again, depends on the person and the setting/situation.

I do have one really close friend who I've know for a very long time, she's like the big sister I never had and has stuck by me no matter what, although sometimes she nags the hell out of me. She's understanding but I know I frustrate her a lot. And sometimes we do argue like siblings, but she's always been more supportive than most of my real relatives.

But peers, meaning those my age...no, its really hard at my age because by the time you're in your 30s you're supposed to be married, settled down, have a house, a career, kids, etc. Just trying to get thru another week can be enough of a challenge for me at times.


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Adam-Anti-Um
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13 Apr 2009, 9:45 am

My relationship with my peers is stressful to say the least. it always has been, and I speculate it always will be.

Some of my curremnt acquaintances have decided to hate me, because they perceive that I am being too judgemental of their lifestyle. I may have joked that they are sheep, but I think the whole situation has been nblown out of proportion. I doubt they are even aware that I have AS. It would surely go towards explaining that they feel the way about me that they do.

Even if they are aware, as Derik Jarman once said "Better to be hated for what you are, rather than be loved for what you are not".

Credit for telling me that quote goes to Kathleen. Cheers Kath!


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ProfessorX
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13 Apr 2009, 2:43 pm

ReGiFroFoLa, Personally, I've never really did well amongst people my age, as often I tended to enjoy things that tended to be more abstract or juvenile in terms of such.Well, despite all of this, I do try to get along as best as I can even if at times I feel I'm a stranger in a strange land..


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luchog
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13 Apr 2009, 6:01 pm

glider18 wrote:
It is quite common for those of us with Asperger's to not feel comfortable around our peers. We often do prefer older friends. When I was in school I had a best friend my age, but I noticed the majority of my friends were older than me---I mean I was even great friends with my band director---and still am.


I've never gotten on well with my peers. This has much less to do with my AS, than it does with the fact that I'm Gen-X, and most of my peers are unmotivated, apathetic slackers. Buncha losers, the lot of 'em.



kaitlyn_loves_music
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13 Apr 2009, 6:26 pm

well its good.
my family yes its not that great im difficult.



NomadicAssassin
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13 Apr 2009, 7:23 pm

Well, i used to only feel ok with adults now, now im isolated, and can't break the ice to surface. Which really sucks, because right now what i need are freinds or better yet any body who actually likes me, but for some reason i keep F***ing things up some how and, now i really don't feel so confident my own family likes me, yeah if any one here has ever listen to the song "The Unforgiven - Metallica", thats pretty much me. :( I'm not trying to play the "pitty me" card, i was just trying to give an example.


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ignisfatuus
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14 Apr 2009, 5:27 am

I haven't been on a similar trajectory as my "peers" since high school. The point of no return has either passed or is very, very near.


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Danielismyname
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14 Apr 2009, 5:49 am

Don't have any.



sunshower
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14 Apr 2009, 6:43 am

I don't really fit in with my peers because they mostly bore me to tears (though of course they don't know this, I know how to play the happy, friendly, socialite NT well enough). All I *really* want to do in my social time is talk about diverse, interesting, intellectual type topics but it seems this is anaemia to 95% of the population.

Fortunately I have a few friends in that other 5%, but unfortunately they live a long way away from me or are not easily accessible.


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whilily
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18 Apr 2009, 8:46 pm

djinnNtonic wrote:

These days it largely depends on the person. I can get along OK with most people on a superficial level (i.e "acquaintances") but beyond that, people either get along with me or they don't, there doesn't seem to be any middle ground. Also, I know I can weird people out sometimes, going from being really quiet to "can't shut me up" mode. Again, depends on the person and the setting/situation.



Just like with me .
Sometimes people thinks I'm weird from a hermit type to cant shut up type.

All depends on situation