Truly unable to connect

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I see what you mean there. I never seem to get why people get so wound up about sports. I remember in the 2002 world cup we watched a match at school and our country (egland) lost and people were crying! and I was like what the hell are they doing?

Last night I did some filming for someone's party, and guess what happened ... they formed conga lines .

They also formed a large group circle for dancing that ended in a single group hug. I jumped out of my seat to capture it on camera. I could not join in at all, but found it fascinating. Some observations:

- Most of those involved were female (of all age ranges)
- The person initiating and leading the first conga was a girl (about age 12) whom I know has ADHD
- No one seemed particularly drunk (they were well-coordinated)
- There was constant singing and yelling; they seemed very happy
- Only the very elderly, one guy in his thirties, and me did not seem to fit into the general atmosphere (and those who don't would tend to stay at home)

I guess my neurotransmitters don't allow for bonding on that level; it still doesn't make sense to me.

I must search for "Conga line" on Google (I am not English speaking) and ... there is nothing on the world which should force me to connect into it! I am unable to connect into similar activities, it hasn't any sense for me.

If a Conga line is done right, it's boy-girl-boy-girl. Which means you get to put your hands on a strange woman's hips, and shake your bottom at the woman behind you. Empathy actually doesn't have to play a big part in something like that. All you need is a willingness to look ludicrous and a desire for inappropriate touching. Also, it doesn't hurt if you're drunk and in an episode of "The Love Boat".

I like conga lines usually, last party I went to one was started and I felt to shy to join in at first but it's fun once I get into it. There were two and I only joined one, the second one I wasn't as confident with.
It's not the connecting with people that gets me, I'm fine with that, it's just having the confidence to put my hands on the person in front.

Last edited by MONKEY on 22 Feb 2009, 9:17 am, edited 1 time in total.

Wow - I could have written that same story! The common emotional connection that NTs seem to share at such events has always escaped me.

I prefer to sit and watch from afar. I like hearing the stories of the older people at social gatherings, and add to it/ask questions when I can... But never ever ever will I take part in something overly social, I would rather be absorbed in my own world. And when people insist on me being social, they don't think that I don't want to. I do want to, just not how they want me to.

Yes, but I saw this not really as a problem, more than a gift - I like to explain why:

Such mass suggestion, when al connect are commonly used for propaganda: Commercial, political and otherwise. People are so overwhelmed by the dynamics of the mass that they loose their clear thinking. Watch old films of Hitler's rallies, how people get brainless in religious meetings or even just during a sales show.

I remember very well, when I was a student and I was looking for a job and got an invitation to a "recruitment show" in a hotel. After a while my suspicion raised and I suspected more-and-more that this was just a pyramid scam. Interesting I was the only one: My critical questions how this worked, where finally the money shall come from. exact figures and what-if etc. were meet by all others in the audience with mere hatred. Some were already filling out cheques!

This is now more than 20 years ago. I did not know that I am an Aspie, I even didn't hear about this, but it showed me that I am a bit different than the others. At least in this situation it saved me money.

The story of my earlier life. In the last 30 years or so, I have learned to become more sociable. But I still hang back a bit.

ruveyn

In an alternating gender Conga Line you get to see a female booty waving hither and yon. That is not a bad inducement.

ruveyn

I do that, and I'm almost 51

SO MUCH more relaxing than trying to be part of conversations or, worse, relate to anyone at all...as a result, loads of people remember me and seem to forget they have never even had a conversation with me.

...and yes, I have space as a dancefloor, and a dance pole, in my house...and I use them.

But "group fun" of any kind is just embarassing and my cue to remember an important appointment on the far side of town...

M

I often wonder if, one day, I may even get myself lynched for doing that sort of stuff?

I have begun to realise that *the NT* place this huge priority on "inclusion", automatically assume everybody else does too, and try to interpret everything you do and say, at least partly, in terms of that assumption.

M.

The phenomenon is called "emotional contagion".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_contagion

This happens pretty much every time I leave my house, or someone that doesn't belong in my house comes in. I get a very disconnected feeling, like I'm watching a movie. I don't really have a desire to join in because usually it doesn't seem appealing, or its confusing to me. For instance, I don't understand women. Yes I am one, but I don't know anything about why they do the things they do. Why they fight about what they fight about. Their vengeful nature, cattiness, cliquishness. The whole thing leaves me perplexed. So anything that has to do with women is automatically in the confusion box.

It's true, and a bit frightening. There've been studies on this.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asch_conformity_experiments

I actually mean a step beyond that Marshall, in that, as far as I can tell, people, at least, semi-consciously, prioritize group validation and inclusion over ever other consideration.

They do not seem to just choose validation and inclusion, they seem to actively pursue it, and further still, they will usually interpret any approach you make, of any kind, as a bid for validation and inclusion.

M