What to do???

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I live on the same planet you do and no one can force me to get drunk. I don't see getting drunk as a life skill. Does anyone else???

He's not talking about getting drunk as being the problem, in fact, he's more than happy to get drunk, he's just worried about doing it in a social setting. It's also to celebrate his birthday, and is a family father son tradition.

We can't live our lives saying "That scares me, so I'll avoid it". If you want to go down that route, then fine, lock yourself away, miss every significant event in your family's life, and stick a label on your forehead that says "do not approach".

I'm trying to share with the guy my own experiences on how to cope and deal with stressful situations, stuff that might just help him in life, and all you can do is tell him "refuse to go, let them drag you if you have to". You're just not helping him.

Irvy, are you and I reading the same letter??? In any case, it's not always good to "go along to get along." That is just as damaging to a person's self confidence as hiding away is. The OP really sounded distressed about having to ingest toxins against his will. No one should have to put up with that. Of course, there are other situations where one should suck it up and put in an appearance---this just isnt' one of them, imho.

Last edited by ngonz on 23 Feb 2009, 4:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Let me clarify this. The drunkeness I will get will be beyond what is acceptable to me. I don not mind the idea of being drunk as much as being absolutly plastered, in fact, if left to my own devices, I would get myself a 40 of vodka and find out what my tolerence is on my own, keeping track on paper to find the point at which I know I don't want to be any drunker, and I already know what state I will be in when I hit that point. I would prefer to do that alone as it doesn't make sense to do that in front of other people that would think "WT?" The bar is just taking a bad thing and making it worse. It might not be as bad if I surrounded by food, and ONLY people I know well, but if I am right on the rest of their plans, there is more I am really not looking forward to.

Yea, if he was only talking about going to the bar to have a few beers I could see Irving's point. I interpreted "getting plastered" as something above and beyond that. Nobody should ever be coerced into poisoning themselves. Alcohol poisoning isn't a joking matter. It can be dangerous and the after effects are not fun at all.

It's part of the lovely macho world of male socialization (you women luck out by not having to deal with this sh*t). A man is defined as someone who stands for his own values and makes his own decisions, which he then proves by caving in to the wills' of others by voluntarily defiling himself. See? it makes perfect sense.


I'm not sure what to tell the OP: my father is old and probably won't be alive another 5 years. We did a lot together when I was growing up but in many ways never really connected. I have some regrets for things I opted out of, but then again things I forced myself to do didn't tend turn out so well, either. (Though, sometimes they did.)

So, you'll have decide whether to take on a bit of stress and discomfort for his sake to make him happy, or decide if it's beyond your acceptable limits of your selfhoood and not do it... Or work out some compromise like go, but stand your ground about not getting totally plastered.

Good luck.