Not 'moving with the group'

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A lot of interesting things in your post, irishwhistle!

One thing that I can say for sure, though, is that I constantly talk 'to myself' in my husband's group of friends. There is one friend that often hears me and laughs at my jokes but for the most part, what I say just swirls off into oblivion and not even my husband listens. *shrug* at least I think I'm funny!!

"what I say just swirls off into oblivion"

that happens to me too - all the time!

Story of my life.

and me too!

either i say things that are impossible to reply to (how do you do learn to do that??) or they don't hear me.

or, i will give up entirely and just smile at their jokes, laugh when they laugh, and the rest of the time do my own thing (in the context of a grad room, where you can do things like study or read as well as socialise).

when this feels too awkward, i'll just ignore them entirely and exclude myself. it's "bad" i know, but after a while it just feels pointless!

with a physically moving group, i'll usually find one person to talk to rather than get involved with the group talk. that said, i don't know when i have really been involved in talking in a group of more than 3 or 4 that were just standing around/walking. the only time i get into a group talk is if i happen to be in a small room with other people, and that means i will be included in the group by virtue of my presence. otherwise i just don't really remember having group discussions... (aside from those that are part of class)

that said, group situations are not really the times when i have greatest attention or motivation to remember them!

This is weird because there are some of my family members who seem to be almost "half and half". They use more basic social cues than most people, but are still more social than me. I've learned much about social interaction from these people. I also notice that they have a quite a broad behavioural tolerance of me. They basically let me do what I like and don't mind. Other people aren't as understanding. They can also muck around on their own, are laid back, but still be social. So I have kind of been trained a little. I'm not completely asocial, just a bit slower sometimes.

The other side of the family has basically issued instructions to each other and had very rigid systems of organisation (the dinner bell, formal sit down games etc). It's only now I realised that they hardly used any non verbal cues at all and all of the social interactions were very ritualised. The advice they gave me was to hang back socially and watch everyone else from a distance.

I've also met other people like this, but they weren't labeled in the same way that I was. Probably because they were successful and didn't cause anyone any trouble.

I can totally identify with that ^. I made a thread about it several months ago. It just amazes me that people in a family unit can move fluidly in public. My family isn't like that at all. It really irritates my husband, because my sons, and I aren't "paying attention". My daughter says we're "embarrassing". We're always in someone else's way, or running into stuff.

This happens to me a lot too....(depends on who I´m with). I wonder if that was why I started talking loudly and repetitively?

About the circle thing...I´m trying to remember the last time I actually talked with a group of people in a circle... ( I´m usually sitting down with people). If I go to a social group gathering, I do notice groups of people tend to congregate in circles and I often find it hard to get into a circle in the first place. But I guess part of the problem is that I stand there indecisively, not sure when to talk or even which circle to join I tend to hover around, making decisions which I don´t really act out on.

and nobody in the group even looks at you like you are not even there?

And you have a whole conversation with a person who is too absorbed in what they are doing to have heard a word that you said.

wow -some of this sounds like my very big and weird family which is riddled with autistic traits and apsergers undiagnosed. If it wasn;t that, there sure was something in the water! I also grew up with a big "school" dinner bell that was rung by my very eccentric mother.

Wow. Has anyone noticed how many books and movies have been made about, delightful, eccentric, fascinating people, sometimes whole families of them, and how much NTs seem to relish watching these films? And then have you noticed have irked and frustrated and downright grumpy they get when they have to deal with real families who act the same way? Yeah, we're fascinating and funny and a joy to watch as long as someone has found a way to portray us in a good light.

I suppose it could all be chalked down to human nature, but that doesn't make me happier about their amusement at our expense. We don't follow circles and mobs, but those who do think it's funny as heck to watch us wandering around.

Lol my husband is sick today and he was feeling very blah but we went out to get some food and he was apologizing to me for stepping infront of me and bumping into me because he was clumsy today. I was like "Oh... I didn't even notice."

I think most people may find people like us interesting, but as soon as they meet us they realise how awkward it really is to be around people like us.

Well, yeah, they do kind of act like I´m not really there, or if they notice me at all, they don´t care. This kind of thing happens repeatedly when I´m in some kind of group gathering where I don´t really know the people, or barely know them..(nowadays, I avoid those kinds of things as much as possible by the way). What´s funny is when I am with people I know and who share my special interest- (mostly people from work)- those people don´t reject me, and actually do make an attempt to include me and talk TO ME. I wonder if that has something to do with the "pecking order" that people talk about so much? It seems that now, finally, I have found some sort of social "niche" with some people (i.e., other dance and theater people- took long enough though)- but when I am with other people, who know nothing about my accomplishments, I feel totally ignored. I have often felt as if all the effort comes from me, and it gets too tiring. I have mentioned several times on WP that I feel like 2 different people in social situations, depending on which kind of situation I´m in. Sometimes I feel quite "normal", and at other times I feel like an extreme Aspie. People treat me very differently, based on how well they know me and whether they respect what I do for a living. It´s kind of strange...does anyone else have that kind of experience???

Yes, now you mention it. Do you mean that it depends on exactly the company your with? I've noticed that even one person can upset the balance. e.g. I can be chatting with a few people as normal as is possible, at least it feels comfortable enough to me, then the 'wrong' person joins us, all of the other people turn to that person and withing minutes I'm feeling excluded. There are people I dread meeting because this always happens in their presence.

Some people just seem relaxed, tolerant, easy going, secure enough in themselves that I feel I don't have to continually censor what I say. Others....it's as if they're just waiting for you to give something away that they can use to publicly retain their sense of superiority over you.

This whole social thing, incuding 'flying in formation' appears to be some kind of game that varies hugely in importance between people. The company of those who pay little attention to it seems fine. The company of those that elevate it from a game to their whole purpose for living, is best avoided!

Lee Iacocca once said "Either lead, follow, or get out of the way". Well, I'm no follower so I have no desire to join the crowd. Let the crowd follow me.