So in what ways can you, not relate to people?

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Zyborg
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24 Mar 2009, 10:08 am

Hovis wrote:

Zyborg wrote:

I dislike neurotypical females more than neurotypical males.

I agree with you, and I'm female.

Difficulties I have with people:

I don't understand how they can spend hours talking and still, at the end of it all, have not really said anything - i.e., have not exchanged any information that's especially new or could be of any real interest to anyone with a grain of intelligence. There was an excellent topic here recently ('NTs do things with conversation') which enlightened me a little to the fact that it's apparently just the social interaction that's important to them, not what's being said... but is it not possible to 'socialize' and still combine it with discussing interesting ideas?

I have trouble reading nonverbal cues and responding appropriately. I often feel as if I understand interaction in theory, and if I watch people, I can usually get a sense of whether they're doing it 'wrong' or 'right', but when I come to interact, I can't seem to process the information fast enough to apply it to my own behavior.

I don't understand why people do things that they sometimes don't even particularly enjoy, just because it's the normal/expected thing to do. I don't understand what I call 'ritual' behavior, where you do something just because 'that's what people do' on that date/in that situation, etc., in general, and why people can really get very angry if you don't wish to join in and do it.

I don't understand why people who you meet, on a very brief, casual level or for professional purposes, want to know unnecessary personal information about you. Why would they possibly care? Similarly, why would they think you would care about the information they offer about themselves or other people? Being expected to be interested in others who you don't know puzzles me, period.

I don't understand why most people are unable to accept that anyone could see things differently than them. The mantra of 'everybody's different', to them, only describes surface preferences, such as liking Pepsi rather than Coke. The idea that someone could actually have a fundamentally different way of thinking is utterly beyond their comprehension.

I don't understand why being 'fashionable' to one degree or another is so important. Or how people can be brainwashed by fashion and actually begin to believe that they like to wear or do something they hated two years ago, just because it's now 'fashionable'.

I don't understand why they have such a high concern with how others, who may be basically irrelevant in their life or even total strangers, see them, and why they're always desperate to project the 'right' image.

Because they are pack animals.

We are more like squids.

Hovis
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24 Mar 2009, 2:39 pm

Zyborg wrote:

Because they are pack animals.

We are more like squids.

I like squid.

As animals, not to eat.

Icheb
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24 Mar 2009, 3:01 pm

pavel_filonov wrote:

Zyborg wrote:

pavel_filonov wrote:

Zyborg wrote:

pavel_filonov wrote:

Zyborg wrote:

pavel_filonov wrote:

the whole bullying mentality - intimidating other people to get what you want. "He who shouts the loudest wins". I don't get it.

I get it. It is central part of neurotypical civilisation. Hierarchy, power and control.

http://aspergia.moroccoforum.net/neurot ... ion-t9.htm

Whatever.
It still involves being unpleasant to people like you, making them stressed out and unhappy, so you can make some kind of dubious personal gain, (that you might have been able to make without being a dick anyway).

Why moralise over them?

It is like moralising over why spiders catch flies, or why lions kill cubs of their rivals. Total waste of energy.

Spiders need to catch flies to survive. Humans don't need to bully others in order to survive.

Neurotypicals need to do that. That is basis of neurotypical civilisation.

I think we'll have to agree to disagree. We're obviously coming at this from very different places *shrugs*

One person's last stand is another person's bullying. I'm often considered a difficult, aggressive person, even though from my point of view, I display the patience of an angel and only react sharply when somebody else screws me over, uses me as a doormat, and shamelessly exploits me. Then everybody calls me "uncooperative" and pretends to be "afraid" of me because I refuse to be treated like a slave.

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Zyborg
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24 Mar 2009, 4:22 pm

Icheb wrote:

pavel_filonov wrote:

Zyborg wrote:

pavel_filonov wrote:

Zyborg wrote:

pavel_filonov wrote:

Zyborg wrote:

pavel_filonov wrote:

the whole bullying mentality - intimidating other people to get what you want. "He who shouts the loudest wins". I don't get it.

I get it. It is central part of neurotypical civilisation. Hierarchy, power and control.

http://aspergia.moroccoforum.net/neurot ... ion-t9.htm

Why moralise over them?

It is like moralising over why spiders catch flies, or why lions kill cubs of their rivals. Total waste of energy.

Spiders need to catch flies to survive. Humans don't need to bully others in order to survive.

Neurotypicals need to do that. That is basis of neurotypical civilisation.

I think we'll have to agree to disagree. We're obviously coming at this from very different places *shrugs*

That is typical power-technique in spineless cultures. I think it is very usual in Germany and Scandinavia that if person gets angry, something is wrong with person.

JeffJ
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24 Mar 2009, 8:22 pm

I cannot understand how people can live so haphazardly on the edge of control.
I cannot understand how people seem to converse for hours on a phone several times a day or many times a week.
I cannot understand how people choose a career so easily when I keep jumping from major to major.
I cannot understand how people can tell how another person is feeling or htinking, without them saying anything.
I cannot understand how NT's deal with relationships, and how it seems so natural for them to simply approach someone and bond.
I cannot understand why people so connected to society intuitively dont have more interest in the world around them.
I cannot understand why I can be high functioning but still considered a failure.

Homer_Bob
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24 Mar 2009, 9:12 pm

For me, I simply don't have the interests and desires they have. Most people have the need to impress others or they have the need to be liked by others. I don't share that. They want to fit in and they care about trends. I do not. Most people my age like to party, get drunk, have sex and do drugs. I want absolutely no part of that. The list can go on. I do what I want. Not what society thinks people should want to do.

i_wanna_blue
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25 Mar 2009, 9:08 am

pavel_filonov wrote:

the whole bullying mentality - intimidating other people to get what you want. "He who shouts the loudest wins". I don't get it.

Yes me to. My autistic cousin to subject to this mentality quite often. Do people get a kick out of this? Well I certainly dont see any benefit from behaving like a hooligan...

ruveyn
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25 Mar 2009, 10:14 am

i_wanna_blue wrote:

It is often said autistics find it difficult to relate to others. So I am just wondering, for you what are those particular ways?

Personally I cannot understand why people are willing to divulge their inner thoughts and feelings and expose them to others. Whats in my head, stays in my head unless its something I know a lot of information about (like a particular interest, etc.) Viewing others who seem to speak their mind and want to be actively involved in their environment makes me feel different when being amongst them. There are a few other reasons, but I'll leave it at that.

So what is it for you that seems to make you feel more alien when amongst people?

I have difficulty "reading between the lines". I do not pick up on what is hinted or implied. I also sometimes have trouble reading face and body language. And I tend to be literal minded so sometimes I do not catch on when someone is joking, even though I joke around myself.

ruveyn

Zyborg
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25 Mar 2009, 10:33 am

i_wanna_blue wrote:

pavel_filonov wrote:

the whole bullying mentality - intimidating other people to get what you want. "He who shouts the loudest wins". I don't get it.

Yes me to. My autistic cousin to subject to this mentality quite often. Do people get a kick out of this? Well I certainly dont see any benefit from behaving like a hooligan...

It is important for bonding within groups. If neurotypicals did not have this characteristic, we would not see nationalism, soccer hooliganism or wars.

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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25 Mar 2009, 10:37 am

Yes, that's a significant part of the human instinct: subgroups. Humans need to organize into them in order to function. People say autistics over-catagorize, but apparently, we aren't the only ones. I think there's deeper connections between autistics and NTs than we realize and most of our differences lie in socializing and competing with others, and sensory issues.

mmstick
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26 Mar 2009, 3:28 am

Icheb wrote:

I've never met anybody I could understand.

- I don't understand all this interest in small talk, or in going out in the evenings.
- I don't understand how anybody could want to have children.
- I don't understand the desire for a career (as opposed to interest in a professional activity).
- I don't understand how anybody can smoke or drink coffee. :eew:

- I don't understand shopaholics.
- I don't understand how anyone can be interested in sports, or identify with a team.

...I could go on all day...

Amen

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peterd
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26 Mar 2009, 4:33 am

I mean. what is this - how do I not relate? If I knew that, perhaps I could do something about it.

Hell, until the Asperger's thing snuck its nose into my life I thought I did relate. For fifty years....

AmberEyes
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26 Mar 2009, 6:31 am

peterd wrote:

I mean. what is this - how do I not relate? If I knew that, perhaps I could do something about it.

Hell, until the Asperger's thing snuck its nose into my life I thought I did relate.

I'm sure I relate to other people.

I must have done: how would I have made all those friends and acquaintances?

I just didn't do it in the traditional "cliquish" way.

Funny, some of my friends were upset because other people thought they were "cold". Nothing could have been further from the truth, they were the nicest and most caring people I knew.

What's going on?

There must be different ways of approaching relating to people. There must be different kinds of caring to account for all the variation I'm seeing. I've noticed that how people approach emotional situations varies with personality.

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26 Mar 2009, 12:50 pm

Also, it's one thing to be able to accurately analyse the behaviour of a group and the atmosphere (as a whole) from the corner of a room.

It's quite another to know how to effectively join in with those people without being ignored or making a fool of oneself.

It's like being able to relate to the behaviour of characters on TV, following the plot rigorously, but sadly not being able to interact with them because a glass screen is in the way.

Filip
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26 Mar 2009, 1:29 pm

I can act that I can relate to people and I'm quite good at it, I think. But there are some very strange things about NT, that are already mentioned in this topic:
- I don't get the whole going out-and party scene. Why are people always so eager to go to the pub on friday or saturday?
- I don't understand why people are always talking about their feelings and what's going on on their mind. I never tell stuff like that.
- To speak without telling something important, I find it very stupid, but all the NT's do it (not that they are really stupid, but they can act stupid)
- I don't understand the whole career moves. Why do they always want to be better then others and make more money or have more power over people? Strange
- I can sympathize with characters in a movie, television serie, book, ... but when I look at people in reality television programs :roll: Someone wrote here the fact of people crying when they have redecorated their house. That is something I don't understand either.
- I don't really miss people. At my work, some colleagues left and others miss them, but I... Even my best colleague with who I have a good contact, is in pregnancy vacation for four months, but I haven't missed her one day yet.

And so I could continue the list whole day.

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26 Mar 2009, 2:17 pm

AmberEyes wrote:

That is how I feel most days..... I really can understand and analyze accuratly, but I can't join in at all...

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