One NT psychologist conceptualizes how we see people -- ?

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Yeah in most of my real life interactions (ok they're not really interactions; more like along-side-actions) I'm like frogger. In select (very select) real life interactions I notice that wall, because I notice that people are, you know, people. Outside looking in, and all that. And it carries over to forums for me, as well. This is the only forum I go on, and maybe I don't post enough or something, but I don't manage to connect with anyone, I don't think. I see other people holding conversations and seeming to get along and give others solace and so on, but I don't understand how they do it. I don't know what the rules and guidelines are for this internet game. Is it the same as for real life conversations? (not that I understand the rules for real life conversations particularly well) Or are there special rules for this medium? I try to be honest and share my experiences, but that doesn't seem to cut it. And it takes so much energy to post stuff and figure out what I think and feel about things that I don't have the stamina to keep up with a thread.
Anyway, the point is I notice this wall keenly when talking online just as much as in real life. It's just that when I'm writing to people, every so often there will be a pinprick-sized hole in the wall and suddenly there will be this tiny connection, and it leaves me so elated/confused/raw/jittery that I have to go away for a while, go on a solitary walk or something, just to process it. It's overwhelming. But occasionally, it's worth it.

Jamine, excellent.

The question should now be, where does the psychologist fit into the metaphor? Only the psychologist could answer that. It would tell you what this psychologist feels is his role in the whole process which would be very important if you were ever thinking of using his services.

Wow, I feel exactly the same way. My issues with connecting with others doesn't stop at the internet. Other forums are almost as difficult, if not just as difficult for me to navigate as is real life social interaction. I also find that I have such a hard time putting how I feel, and what I'm thinking in words. It can take me sometimes a good 30 minutes to type out a small post. That's why I don't post as often as I'd like, because I'd be here all day typing, and I'd be exhausted from all of the effort it takes to communicate. I find WP much easier than other non-AS forums, but it's still somewhat difficult to form my thoughts, and opinions into words.

I used to have that longing to fit in with others, but as I get older it just doesn't seem to matter as much anymore. I do what I do, and they'll do what they do. As long as it's not affecting me, I don't care. However, I'm always keenly aware of the wall that's between me, and others, I just got used to it, I guess.

While growing up I was very extroverted and social. I didn't start out this way. I became this way as a result of interactions with others. They haven't been that positive. A lot of the time I can't understand other people and why they seem to thrive on excessive levels of bs and that really is what it is - BS! They thrive on it and it drives me crazy so I elect to avoid them and stay out of their game.

I view most people as illogical, irrational, beings that constantly contradict themselves in both speech and behavior.

I actually laughed out loud when I read that comparison! If this psychologist knows anything about human nature he must realize human beings are nothing like bowling pins. You are going to be treated a lot better by a bowling pin than you are some people! The comparison is surreal at best.

Another strange irony in that comparison is, if people actually were bowling pins, autistics probably wouldn't feel the need to avoid them, then. They might even be drawn in!

In all fairness, I don't think "I'm avoiding people". Instead, I think I am avoiding all the excess bs that goes along with people. That is the crux of it.

Throw a watermelon at Spiky pins?

I totally agree with you. I think Aspie introversion can be a learned behavior which is why i never really understood the Myers Briggs measuring personality traits as opposed to states. My nephew is 9, and he is still fairly extroverted, but I can see the makings of an introverted adult beginning to form. He still tries so hard to make friends, but now he assumes nobody likes him without giving them much a chance. Actually, we were at an Applebees recently and his mom grabbed the child menu they gave his one year old sister, and it was different than the one they gave him, and more fun in fact. Anyway, when he saw it, he started to repeat in excitement, "mom give that to me, give that to me, give it here, give that to me...." My sister got frustrated and before she could really yell at him or her version of correcting him, I stepped in and said that all he had to do was ask his mom if he could have that when she was done with it. So he did, and then she said he could. Then I said, while she was looking at it, that now he just has to quietly, and patiently wait, so this is when you either look at the tv or think about the girl that you like at school. Then he said he didn't like any girls at school because they all hate him. I explained to him that girls are very secretive about the boys they like, and most likely, the girl who is most shy around him, or the one that is most mean to him are the ones who do like him the most. Of course he doesn't believe me, but I can't help but to see his confusion on this type of behavior beginning to change his views on what he wants by default.

Basically, I'm just saying that I think a lot of times, we see games that really just aren't there. Yes, they are there at times, but I don't think they are there everytime an Aspie perceives it.

I've experienced the on the outside looking in thing many times in my life. It's very hard to feel like you really belong. There are times when I can fake fitting in, but in reality, I don't. I do start feeling like an outisder again. It's hard, but I do manage.

(39 year old male)

thanks Mom! Any more wisdom to share?

A lot of the times games do exist. I read in another thread it's inappropriate to boast about how good looking one is. Everytime I read about other's perceptions of inappropriate and appropriate I become more and more convinced it's got to be this part of the country. The culture where I live is based on rudeness and bad manners because the people around here would never consider it inappropriate to brag about how good looking they are, they do that all the time!

If I were surrounded by polite, rational, people I might want to socialize more. I think part of it might be my resignation to keep on trying, but it's not entirely my fault. Being around receptive people who are generally, easy to communicate with helps.

But, when people are yelling, calling you stupid and b***h, it doesn't help and yes, that is how their version of "socializing" is here, no lie, which is part of what makes dealing with them so unpleasant and something one wishes to avoid.

I am beginning to understand why some who post here have an intense desire to socialize. It's probably because they are surrounded by people who might be pleasant to socialize with. That really does make a difference in wanting to socialize, imo. Really, there's only so much you can do. Fifty percent of it is you, fifty percent them or else you are just having a conversation with yourself.
As for your nephew, Tantybi, I was a lot like that too. I was very impatient and when someone else was looking at something I wanted to see my first impulse was to grab it out of their hands so I could read it. It was difficult to distract myself because all I could think about was wanting to see whatever it was. Must be somewhat common with ASDs.

Right now the USA is a selfish hellhole. It built up since about 1980. The "Greed is good" became social.

I clearly encourage you to open your eyes. "family values" is a joke, how about we stop with the nonstop advertising, emotional manipulation, physical appearance focus and branding/marketing that is brainwashing our kids! CONSUME! OBEY! This BBC documentary may connect with an AS mind: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... 3825999151

I don't get it.

I really think it's instinct to want to socialize. You seem to be interested in socializing, but with the right kind of people. That's actually a good thing that you won't settle for less than what you want. But, just make sure you aren't passing the polite over by accident.

I totally understand where you are coming from. My sister is very irrational nine times out of ten. It's almost impossible to have a conversation with her because she either isn't listening or she picks for arguments, and she will put you on hold or tell you she has to go in order to pass a level on her video game or to watch American Idol. I don't think she means to be that way, but if you try to tell her that she does do things like that, she gets really upset and takes things beyond the level it needs to go. Then, I got friends who only want to talk about themselves and only care about what I have to say when I have a problem like an argument with my husband is much more important to them than a near death, eye opening, inspirational epiphany type moment. But I do have a friend that I often forget I even have because we just mainly talk on the phone once in a while anymore, and she's very different from most people in my life. We are getting ready to move closer to her, so I'm kinda excited to be hanging out with her more often.

Also it is inappropriate as I understand it to boast period, whether it's about your looks or how well you answered the phone at work yesterday. However, there are exceptions to every rule. Some people are obviously boasting to feed their own ego's yet they seem to be popular. Who knows, maybe it's just an appearance. But, I know I often boast about things, but I try to do it for humor. I make it kinda obvious that I'm just kidding, and a lot of people do like that. Some think it's fairly strange, but others have told me that's one of the things they liked about me at first impression. When someone goes on and on like, "I'm so sexy," it's really funny when fat bastard does it. Then also, instead of making up "your mamma's so fat" jokes, I kinda have my own versions of "I'm so hot..."

Haha. Well, I suggest you read the forums here on WP about dating and love. There are men here who their entire life haven't had explained to us what you just did here on this forum talking about your situaiton You have explained it in practical ways many do not. The unwritten rules... you wrote some of them, for some of the situations.

There, that the non-terse answer?