Being Lectured to About Your Behavior By A Family Member

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Collecting wine labels...? Way cool! Oh no, I hope this isn't going to develop into a new one for me!

TheDoctor, I'm female and yes, also old I just realized the title of the thread is about family. Please take into account that what I do is not to people who love me and want the best for me, but to those who are out to destroy my self-esteem and anything they can destroy about me. Unfortunately, I have a lot of those in my family. Use sparingly!

Greentea, Will you pass more of your wisdom on how to shut these types of people up? I say by what I have learned from you so far you can reverse it and make it seem like they're selfish. In fact, it's the ultimate way to indirectly blame someone and play the blame game without knowing you're blaming. Greentea, I concluded this by the things you said. Check this out on what I've written. http://cubedemon.blogspot.com/2009/04/v ... alues.html.

I do have a question. If I do some of these things, am I acting like a sociopath? I don't want to be a sociopath. I don't want to use anyone. I just want to have a job, I just want to do it, and I just want to be left alone.

Mainly, I would rather just be around either my family or other aspies like yourself. I'm one of the more introverted types. You and millie are probably more extraverted types. Usually, I just be quiet and say nothing but I'm 30 years old and I am sick of this s**t. I have so much anger that I've kept inside that it is boiling over.

Greentea I have questions.

1. Why is it considered rude to call people upon their BS and their bluff?
2. Why is it considered rude to ask for more detailed instructions from anyone if you don't know what they're saying?
3. Why am I considered a ret*d or gay if I hold my hand in a certain area of 3 dimensional space?
4 If I'm doing something wrong, why won't NTs tell me how to correct my behavior?
5. If a person is truly and absolutely entitled to nothing and owed nothing does this mean I'm not owed the detailed instructions on how to take responsibility in their eyes?
6. If I can prove something is a person's fault then why can I not blame them?

Cube, this is only my opinion, of course. The answer to all your questions above is the pecking order. You can do any of those things to those below you in the pecking order, you can do none of them to those above you. Society claims (nonverbally, of course) that you should be pleasant to those you need more than they need you and that you can take it out on those that need you more than you need them. The top dog is supposed to exert direct domination, while the underdog is supposed to get their needs met in indirect, manipulative ways. I don't want to expand, though, because this is off the topic of this thread and it wouldn't be considerate. But to know more of my opinions, it's best to just read my posts (omg, there are 3,000 of those! But I probably repeat myself a lot, anyway ), even if it sounds a bit arrogant for me to suggest. And why not start your own threads, each one with a specific questioning you have? This is how I became this """""wise"""".

Quite often my dad would lecture me like a little kid about stuff, even after I was an adult. It was during those lectures that my eye contact has always been at it's worst and he'd get mad at me for that.

I sick of my mum lecturing me, it's always "you better sort your attitude out and your baviour you're affecting the family." and all that stuff and she keeps telling me this morning, "you're 16 now you're a young adult not a stroppy 12 yeard old!" but the trouble is I am a "stroppy 12 year old" well that's how I feel anyway, I only look 16.

My mother criticized me for:
Being self-centered
Noticing things instead of people (now I always notice attractive women )
Being obsessed with details
Not losing my virginity at 13 like her father
How I talked to women, after I had changed my behavior
Growing up

Late in adolescence, she would try to motivate me by using real-life stories to draw on my nonexistent empathy. The one I remember is Rocky Bleier (sp?), the football player, who took some shrapnel in his foot in Vietnam. This didn't exactly work. After all, I had no shrapnel in MY foot.

This was all wise advice from a mentally ill person. She has Borderline Personality Disorder. I didn't notice anything wrong because her unpredictability was no different than any other NT's unpredictability. Moreover, it was pointless to talk to her about anything. Once a conversation about sex started with mentioning how some of us at school laughed at an incorrect claim. She didn't get the point and made a feckless lecture about something we already knew.

My grandmother was the one who provided stability, for all of her numerous faults. At least, she was too stupid and dizzy to notice anything to criticize.

I was criticized by others, too, but always vaguely. That's not exactly helpful.

I had a very socially intelligent girlfriend whose sheer bluntness broke through my shell. She'd get upset about something rude I did, then tell me EXACTLY what I did, so I could correct it. She was very attractive and horny, so I had a powerful incentive to listen.