I. Miscellaneous warnings
1001. Anything you say may be intentionally or "accidentally" turned into some kind of sexual reference, especially when the social setting involves the consumption of alcohol. If you think little kids are cute and adorable, just keep your mouth shut.
1002. Kids are not cute or adorable in the first place. They're brats. Spare yourself any possible misunderstandings.
1003. Do not talk to children unless it's your job to do so or they're part of your family.
1004. Do not talk about children on the internet. Big Brother IS watching you.
1005. Do not go looking for paedophile websites in an attempt to take them down yourself.
1006. Avoid being alone with a child unless they're in your family.
1007. Don't try to understand terrorists or paedophiles or people will think you are actively engaging in those activities.
This is what the police are hired for. "I was helping catch the criminals" will not save you in court.
1008. Do not take the law into your own hands. i.e. Do not take action against someone you believe is a suspected [insert illegal activity here]. If they happen to be innocent or there's not enough evidence of their guilt, you will be in trouble for an unprovoked attack on them.
1009. No matter how much you'd like to believe it, you are not Japanese and you never will be. In Japan, you will be discriminated against purely because you are white.
1010. Do not set fires to things, collect illegal articles (e.g. weapons), misuse computers (e.g. hacking) even if you're not intending any harm. The judge doesn't care about your intentions. He will convict you if your behaviour was listed as unlawful in the law books. Gary Mackinnon, anyone?
II. Rightful thinking
1011. If you are infatuated or fascinated/obsessed with someone you know, you are treading on thin ice. The more you think about them, make any reference to them, or incorporate them into aspects of your daily life, the closer you get to doing something that creeps them out or makes you look like an idiot. The first time you fixated on them, you already crossed the line.
1012. If you fancy someone, do not make it obvious or tell anyone unless you can trust them to keep it confidential. The last thing you want is your friends to spread rumours and the person in question finding out.
1013. Do not show excessive kindness or fondness towards your neighbour's wife/girlfriend. He will think you're trying to chat her up.
1014. Do not make a scene of the fact (a) you don't like someone or (b) someone has done something to offend you. If you don't like someone, learn to live with them or ignore them.
1015. Remember that not everyone else live in a world revolving around your special interests or you. They are not part of your 'own little world'. They do not understand it. They are no more interested in your special interests than you are in the life story of Cheryl Cole or the history of English tea.
1016. Anything you think a lot about will eventually manifest as words or actions, regardless of how much you think you can supress it.
1017. No matter how high the grasshopper leaps or falls, he is still just a grasshopper. In other words, no matter how big a situation is in your life, something that matters a lot to you doesn't necessarly mean the same to everyone else.
1018. If it looks like a co-incidence, it probably is a co-incidence.
1019. Avoid getting fixated on a cause to the extent where you're ignoring all other social boundaries. Some things are just not worth fighting over.
1020. There are some things, often relating to politiccal or religious beliefs, that you will never convince someone to believe. Even if you know that you're right and they're wrong, they probably think the same about you. There are some things people will never agree on. Live with it.
1021. Just because you like someone doesn't mean they like you, even if they appear to like you.
1022. If a friend is feeling unhappy or worried about something, the last thing they want to hear is about video games you have just bought or what you think of the latest version of Firefox.
1023. Sometimes you will have to do as you're told even if you know it's not the right or best way to go about it. This will often be the case at work. If the boss tells you to do something one way, you do what they say or you will soon get the boot.
1024. Aspies, including me, tend to overreact to unfamilliar or unpredictable situations. If you find yourself in such a setting, remember that you can still fall foul to social mistakes. Avoid getting over-excited about something because you will be less careful.
1025. If you consistenty state the obvious, people will think you're ret*d. If you can't say anything that actually matters to other people, it might be better not to say anything at all.
1026. Like with #1025, just because you've learned some NT rule, avoid giving advice to NTs as if they didn't already know. They'll realise you only just learned some social rule they've known instinctively and they will think of you as an idiot.
1027. Avoid the urge to correct or put everything right. If someone says something inaccurate, uses poor English, or makes any other mistake that's unlikely to hurt you or them, there's no point in correcting them. They probably did it by accident and are more interested in socialising than being accurate or correct.
1028. If someone asks a question, sometimes all they need is a short and simple answer. If they want more information, they will ask. They won't want to ask for your advice again if they feel like they are being preached at or lectured every time.
1029. You might be quick to shout out your praise towards the public smoking ban (Brit thing) or how much you hate a certain race of people but you never know if you're in the presence of a smoker or whatever it is you make that offensive joke about. i.e. Don't shout out bin laden jokes in public because it may be heard by people with close asian friends.
III. Social conduct
1030. You may not like or agree with the police but that won't stop you going to jail if you swear at, spit at, or otherwise get on the wrong side of a cop.
1031. Never answer back when given an order by someone in authority.
1032. No point making excuses for yourself. If you've done wrong, just admit it and apologise to whoever you have offended if doing so won't offend them further.
1033. Do not touch a stranger unless there's an absolutely good reason to do so.
1034. If you often lose control or offend people when drunk, cut down on how much you drink.
1035. If you are regularly getting drunk or drink is the first and last thing on your mind every day, do not make excuses for yourself. If you have a problem with drink, it will only get worse until you are prepared to accept and confess that drink has become a problem.
1036. Just because a woman hugs you doesn't mean she fancies you or wants you to molest her. Women from some countries like France kiss as a form of greeting. Not to be mistaken for romance.
1037. Do not talk about the following things with women you do not know very well: Anything related to their body or anything of a sexual nature, do not ask or comment on their age or weight, do not make blunt remarks about their family/friends/boyfriend/sexuality, and avoid assuming things about them based on women you've encountered before.
1038. If a woman you don't know very well tells you how much of a moron and control freak her boyfriend is, tread cautiously. She may be setting you up for a fight with him. I usually walk away from situations like this as they're nothing but trouble.
1039. If you do not keep yourself clean and tidy when you go out, any attempt at meeting people will be in vain. One of the worst things are scruffy beards or dressing like a tramp. If you look like a homeless person, you will be treated like one.
1040. Some things people do to offend you may be completely by accident. e.g. If someone bumps into you and your drink spills or if someone makes a joke you find offensive. Doesn't give you the right to try to get even. Just say "excuse me" or something and if they didn't mean it, they will apologise (hopefully).
1041. If some girl dares you to do something, even if it seems harmless, she could well be setting you up to be made fun of. i.e. If girls ask you to do some weird dance, they're probably making fun of you because you come across as naive.
1042. Someone does or says something and it works for them. Doesn't mean it will work for you if you mimic it. Chances are, it'll backfire horrily. Someone might do something to trick you into thinking it's OK for you to do it. Just use your common sense.
1043. Little things like holding doors for people, allowing others in front of you in the queue, treating people with respect even if they don't deserve it, and offering someone else your seat in a busy bar will go a long way.
IV. Reality thinking
1044. Avoid daydreaming or drifting off into your fantasy world in bars, on the streets, or anywhere else where someone may interact with you. When you're in your own world, you look like you're staring into space and the pickpocketer will more than happily snatch your phone or wallet while you're M.I.A.
1045. For those who often find themselves thinking deeply, even while drinking in a bar, remember that others don't concentrate or think as deep as you. Many people are more feelers than thinkers and are constantly in touch with the talk and social aspects of things.
1046. Not everyone is as nice as you. If someone approaches you in the street, do not assume they're too nice to rob or attack you.
1047. Whenever you give money to a homeless person, remember that many of them are homeless because they spend your money on drink and drugs. As a rule, I only pay those who earn - by playing a musical instrument or doing something that I enjoyed watching.
1048. Avoid debt as much as you can. The more you think you can buy now and pay later, the more trouble you will be in when later catches up with you.
1049. Just because someone goes to you for help or to borrow money doesn't mean they're your friend. Real friends will help you even when you need help, even it's inconvenient for them to do so. Real friends will not make fun of you or gossip about you behind your back.
1050. When you're drinking in a pub/club/etc. watch your drink all the time so that you know it hasn't been spiked. If you go to the toilet, take your drink with you. If ever you walk away from your drink for more than a few seconds, it may not be safe to finish drinking. Better to lose it than be drugged and attacked, robbed, murdered, whatever.
1051. If you make it obvious that you are lost while out in the street or city, you become an easy target for thieves.
1052. Always lock your doors and windows even if you go out for five minutes and don't have valuables in the line of sight for an outsider to see. Many burgulars go looking for open windows, put their hand through, and steal people's stuff.
V. Social wisdom
1053. Always try to come across as happy. Being miserable and depressive gives bad vibes and drags others down, thus they won't like you for that. Coming across as cheerful makes all the difference, trust me.
1054. Avoid asking too many questions. You don't want to look like a fool and people don't like being pestered with one stupid question after another.
1055. Don't ask people things you can easily find out later unless you really need to know it there and then.
1056. Saying you have AS won't solve all your problems. People might give you a bit of scope but they won't spoon feed you like a baby. They expect you to learn from your mistakes.
1057. If someone is ignoring your messages on Facebook/email/MSN/etc, they're probably not interested in you.
1058. If your Facebook status updates appear to be getting ignored, posting more of them aren't going to make matters better.
1059. Trying to spend as much time with specific people as possible isn't the most efficient way to get to know them. Chances are, you're pestering them and need to give them a bit of space to 'breathe'. Less is often more.
1060. If you have something to offer (art, singing, storywriting, helping out, etc) don't give it out too freely or people will just take advantage of you. Hold your assets back and give them out sparingly and have people wanting more. Don't hold back too much either or they will give up on you. Getting the balance right takes practice.
That's all for now :)
_________________
These are the things we've missed out on
Closeness illusionary, intimacy lost
I stand alone now, this is all that I've got
This is all there ever was all along...
When the fog clears and the clouds disappear
We will see with clarity, this is what remains here
You are all that I have now, you are all that I miss
Since when did we need more to life than this?
03 Apr 2011, 2:35 pm
