So I posted in the infamous AS partners forum for NT's...

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By the way, what happened to elkclan? It's kind of strange that the last post she made was in this thread and she hasn't posted anything since.

I hope she wasn't banned. I would hate for this to turn into another I2 scheme thing where instead its anyone getting banned who joins here who is also a member at AssPartners.

I'm a pure butter man myself.

I want to propose an interesting TOM thought experiment for you to analyze and determine how much sense it makes, - in regards to the situations written about by the ASpartners.

Now imagine in this scenario that YOU are a Narcissist

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissist ... y_disorder

You are strongly on the Narcissistic spectrum, but not so extreme as to often display behaviors that the other NTs around you would find strongly unacceptable.
And, you are married to an Aspie.

Your Aspie spouse IS very sensitive to your narcissistic behaviors, but since they are already used to a relatively high level of these types of behaviors from other NTs around them, they take it in stride and continue to love you and be loyal to you anyway, avoiding excessive conflict over these matters that could lead to the destruction of the relationship.
Still, your Aspie spouse does have a hard time with many of your behaviors that may seem pressuring, manipulative, controlling, aggressive, identity-centric, based on hierarchy, based on general group-think, materialistic, shallow, illogical, etc...
Your Aspie partner may often resist pressure from you or often question your logic.
You may often perceive their resistance for aggression and their questions for accusation.
As a narcissist these behaviors would trigger a more extreme response in you, where instead of accepting your partner's difference, you instead feel a need to impose your will/control over them, or feel extreme offense that you have been accused. Overall, your self-esteem, position in hierarchy, or identity may feel extremely threatened, even though your Aspie spouse intended nothing of the sort to come from their responses to you.

Now, would it even be possible for YOU to perceive an alternate view of this situation where your identity and/or feelings were not being attacked or challenged, but instead your Aspie spouse was only trying to communicate relevant information or ask relevant questions so that they could have a more accurate understanding?

Or, would you simply expect them to follow through with your manipulations, fuel your identity, read your mind to get your wishes, and always assume the best in regards to you?

In the above situation, who would you predict to be the first to voice concerns over these conflicts in terms of being a "deal-breaker" in the relationship? Who would be the first to use very harsh criticisms and put-downs to describe their spouse? Who would be the first to seek out others for validation of their feelings and identities? Who would be the one to speak of these dynamics in terms of absolute emotions instead of logic?



Which one of the spouses was most likely in the relationship for just the love, acceptance, and companionship?
Which one was most likely in for materialistic reasons, return on investment, and control by expected reciprocation?
Which one would be most likely to leave their spouse because they are unable to control them, or because their spouse does not make them feel good enough about themselves?
Which spouse is most likely to use the term "abusive" when describing the problems in their relationship?

I know a lot of this has to make good sense logically. There are more aspects to the situation that also make sense to me, though I'm not listing them all.
There just seems to be so many parallels to this scenario that I must consider it to have at least some validity in a great many cases. What do you think?

I think there is a great deal of validity in what you say. The narcissist's over-riding need is for power and control, and it goes with an overbearing belief in their entitlement for others to service their needs, their ideas, their inflated sense of self-worth. For some (unknown) reason, I have noticed that people with Aspergers - particularly females - are attracted to relationships with narcissists (not knowingly) - and this has given me much pause for thought. My theory as to why this occurs so often is based on the idea that growing up on the spectrum deeply wounds one's sense of self - because of constant invalidations. And somehow, narcissists, who are always looking for prey on which to feed their inflated egos - see this woundedness as very convenient for them to manipulate for their own needs. Aspergers partners are prey to them, and typically (because that's what they do) the narcissists portray themselves as the victims - they love to gaslight their victims, to further destroy the victim's credibility and sense of self-worth.

It is an evil process, and narcissists are morally bankrupt, they rarely care about the damage they do, which is consistent with sociopathic personalities. I find nothing amusing about it; it is alarming.

A narcissist likes to see themselves mirrored in the other person they are with. They are turned off by people who have strong personalities and strong body language. They are drawn to people who are less expressive, and have passive or reserved personalities. Plus many autists are great at mirroring the behavior of other people, which the narcissist finds very flattering.