So I posted in the infamous AS partners forum for NT's...

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I'm sure a lot of them have issues. The post their moderator made here (and got banned for) surely shows that. Some of them might well be narcissistic, definitely they're not discussing their part in their failing relationships, which is usually down to pride or anger. I just think it's very common for people to have these scapegoating sessions. I was with a group of people who had ultimately rounded on one of their own. They guy's behaviour had been consistently awful, and the group had every right to rant about it, but it became like an addiction, an end in itself, and even the group were agreeing that it had become pointless and unhealthy. I've also seen it in the workplace. Reminds me of the kind of thing I'd expect a primitive tribe to do in preparation for a war, whacking up the hate and indignation so they'll feel less guilty when they go to slaughter them. But in the groups I've seen doing this thing, the slaughter never happens, the bitching just goes on and on.

Look at 10 of 14.

http://forums.delphiforums.com/aspartne ... sg=13499.1

If we be ourselves we're seen as inept, mean, ret*d, as*holes,etc

If we conform we're seen as deceitful.

Okay NTs, so we're damned if we do and damned if we don't. Basically the person of 10 of 14 admitted that society itself is diseased, delusional and dysfunctional. If no one wants to play the f*****g game, then why the f*****g play? When does someone stand up and no?

Oh hello,

Thanks for the kind words. Actually I was banned from ASPartners for posting in this thread.

Well, if nothing else it's interesting to read the perspective on female partners.
I understand that everyone can grow and adapt, but some of the things they discuss are the personalisation of clinical traits, areas where adaptive abilities can be limited.
The asp posters are at times describing diagnostic criteria and seem to forget/have no regard for the fact that observable ASD behaviour does not exist to hurt them as the partner.

There is little of value at asp for anyone trying learn and make progress in their partnership, but for those who have given up on their relationships it seems to provide affirmation and absolution of any wrong doing on their part, because the ASD partner is now the defective fall guy. 100% to blame... For everything.

I wonder if an equivalent site exists for partners of those with physical disabilities, you know where they can B*tch and moan about the partners physical abilities and how they are disabled on purpose just to harm their significant other? I can imagine it now: husband with Cerebral Palsey needs more assistance as he ages and might experience bouts of depression, wife vents online about his supportive needs like he is being this way on purpose just to cause her extra work, all other posters agree that all aging people with Cerebral Palsey are being this way just to hurt their significant others.
It is a best avoided site.

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Hi Elkclan, I guess your stuck with us WP posters now.

Last edited by Amity on 15 Feb 2015, 12:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

LOL, maybe they thought you were an asspie. I guess anyone who posts on here is banned from ASPartners. Paranoid munchkins.

I was always copying people as a kid and I didn't known right from wrong. I used other people as my guide how to act and what to do I situations so I would copy it. I thought it was that way so I would do it. That meant if I hung out with the wrong group, I would turn into a bad person because I would be copying their wrong behavior thinking it was the right behavior. For NTs they call this peer pressure, for kids with disabilities, they call it something else. I am not sure they call it. One of my online aspie friends calls it being a copycat. But even my Dad had students with intellectual disabilities who copied and would copy each other in class when he worked in special ed back in the 70's when he was in college. I don't think it's uncommon for children with disabilities to copycat so that is why parents of high functioning kids want them in mainstream than in special classes. Same reason why mine wanted me with normal kids than in a special program and also didn't want me in any special school.

Do people actually do that with their psychical disability partners or was it just a comparison you made to what those people are doing on Asspartners?


My husband once hurt his back and could barely do anything and the other aspies on I2 acted like he did that on purpose and is being purposely lazy to not help me out and one person called it child abuse, go figure. All of a sudden my husband was a bad father for his accident in the shower when he had a seizure and he wasn't getting any better because he had to watch our son while I went to work and we were bad parents for letting my parents come and take our son fr awhile so he could get better and I was so overwhelmed. Yeah people are this dumb so it shouldn't surprise me if your example is actually real and you had actually seen it. Someone even told me on that forum he was manipulating me. As if he was faking all this when he actually had a big ugly bruise on his back and he must have put some make up there to make it look so real and he had tricked me and his whole family and my parents oh my god lol. He must have also staged that it took him ten minutes to get to the bathroom and twenty minutes to the kitchen to make it look all so real how bad his back is. Now I can laugh about this situation on that forum because of their own ignorance and stupidity. but you do find out who your real friends are when you end up in a bad situation.

It's just a made up comparison with assp., between a visible difference and an invisible difference..
That is just nuts, a focus like that is very inward. Yes its irritating to have extra chores or whatever when the SO is in bad health, but ffs, what motivates people to personalise everything into 'something that everyone else does to them'! !!

Last edited by Amity on 15 Feb 2015, 12:54 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I agree...we have to go beyond the "scratch my back and I'll scratch yours" philosophy. It's akin to "an eye for an eye." Not much thought is put into it.

Associating with the enemy. Naughty.

I haven't read this whole thread, and I apologise if this is already covered. That said, to posters from the Delphi forums reading here - Please stop labelling your a-holes as Asperger's if they haven't been diagnosed. One cannot diagnose AS based on the internet or ideas at all. I thought my ex was AS years ago and spent some time on Delphi forums. Ends up he's an extreme narcissist with 'complex personality disorders' and 'complex post traumatic stress' (he was diagnosed long after I asked him to leave).

Fast forward 13 years my kid is diagnosed with AS and I am now diagnosed AS. I was misinterpreting the signs my ex was sending in part because of my AS, and you may well be too. Some of the folks in your forums are just nasty and bitter people and I hope they find some healing. I found healing in the autistic community.

To Destined - you did remarkably well there.

Unlucky (or lucky, depending on your perspective). I enjoyed our discussion here.
Maz

It is horrible that people frequently other-diagnose their spouses with autism, then blame autism for all problems, then link their spouses behaviors to autistic people in general.

BTW, I made a new song, it is called "Annoying".
All you have to do is sing the word annoying to the tune of silent night, the word annoying fits perfectly in eberry block of this music.

Not only was she banned, she was also accused of being on the autistic spectrum purely because she participated in this thread. The words Bstn3 used were along the lines of "A true NT would not spend their time there, most of us would not last more than a couple of minutes before we run a mile". Ironically, Elkclan's only transgression was to speak in defence of the ASPartners forum on this site. Bstn herself has done the same thing, the only difference being that she was a lot less polite about it, to say the least!

I must say Elkclan, I'm really sorry that happened I know that forum meant a lot to you, especially at this difficult time in your life. Although I disagree with a fair amount of what you have posted, you have also talked a lot of sense. I admire you for having the courage and decency to represent the other side of this very sensitive issue in a reasonable manner, and also to remain cool in spite of the fact that so many people were arguing with you at once!

Yeah. I mean speaking as someone whose response to Elkclan was not charitable at all, banning someone for posting here is ridiculous.

That's how extreme the "us vs. them" attitude is over there.