First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

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I've encountered this a couple of times, this getting readings/nonverbal queues seemingly from inner sources and it making the person nervous. Maybe I am just weird. When I experience these feelings, I welcome them. They make me feel connected to others, not so cut off. They give me insight into the person I am getting them from, which can give me opportunity to show kindness and understanding.

It's the negative stuff I want to cut off because I always feel like I'm the cause. When a family member is in a bad mood I know it instantly and I immediately go into a hyper-alert mode where I'm ready to be accused of something. It's a dysfunctional reaction, I know, but it's been so conditioned that it's hard to undo it. I find it hard to empathize with someone when they act like I'm the cause of their distress. That's the way it is with my family. I'm the "difficult" one that causes them stress and then knowing the fact that I'm causing them stress causes me so much stress that I can't function.

Oh. That makes sense. Different context. Your response may be different in another situation. I have learned that in most situations, when someone is responding negatively in my presence, their reason for responding this way is usually not about me, but you are still around your family, and you no doubt have been told, or people have implied to you, that in fact you are often the source of their stress. That is totally different.

Well sometimes it isn't about me, at least not initially, but I get uneasy anyways just because I'm so high strung. It's one of those things where due to past experience I'm always anticipating that it's going to be about me then somehow it becomes about me. Instead of wanting to empathize I want to put up my defenses against getting dumped on. Then I act rather negatively and things escalate into an argument. It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy. I guess I don't want to get into a discussion on my relationship with my parents in this thread because it's way off topic.

I used to be that way. It was my response to the feeling that made it about me, and learning to be empathize and strive to look at the situation through the others eyes is what helped me change that behavior.

Going to make me go into the stuff I'm rather not admit, eh? That I am capable of being defensive or superficial?

Well, some examples.

First, on the "found strange."

Easiest to explain is staying clear of someone standing on a street corner shouting obscure messages to the masses. That is considered strange behavior. You don't trust that person to act reasonably; you avoid them. Of course, few situations are that obvious. There are the people that you just are uncomfortable near, or instinctively pull away from, and, yes, the instinct comes from something different you sense about them. It may or may not be obvious, and it may or may not be valid. Some things that cause me to move away may be personal choices; for a pretty low end example, I'll note that I've found recently I have trouble with the ear hole (not a piercing, a giant gap) trend; I don't get it, it draws my eyes endlessly, I'm embarassed that my eyes want to stare, and I can't imagine why someone makes that choice, so rather than find myself embarassed staring at that person's overly large ear ornament I'll just engage with someone else.

Second, on the "unable to help my social status."

What came to mind when I was writing was a situation with a woman who is now a dear friend of mine. I first met her through mutual friends, way back when we were single. She is, well, a little "much" for most people, and I felt the same back then (she is definitely NOT AS, btw, its just her personality). I could see she turned people off at the same time I could also see that she had a pretty big heart. She ended up kind of boxed in my life; one time she wanted a group of us women to go out on the bar scene, and I went along. But I felt that no guys were looking in my direction because of the strong signals this woman sends out. She was, in effect, harming the social goal I had in going out with the girls, which was, to meet a guy. I declined future invitations for such evenings, and didn't include her in mine, but was happy to see her if, for example, the outing was a quiet lunch with just our mutual friends. I knew who "approved" of her and who didn't, and boxed the friendship only into the world where there would be no contact with those who thought little of her. I was networking at work, trying to advance a career, and also hoping to find a man to marry; she was a drag in both of those worlds - professionally, because of her own career choices, and socially, because of her strong personality. Eventually, those goals left my life, her and I married within a few years of each other, had children within a few years of each other, and found ourselves living close by. I made a conscious choice that it was time to stand by someone I had known for years and whose heart and intentions could never be in doubt, no matter how many people found her overbearing or odd. And I do find myself having to defend her, and other friends of ours, because the world does have invisible social classes and circles, and she technically doesn't "fit" into mine, despite all that has changed. There is only so much of that I have energy for, still, to be honest.

Thank you very much for going into detail, DW! Indeed, what you describe is what a lifetime of observation taught me about NTs but I wasn't sure. Now you've confirmed it. This is invaluable feedback for me, and I'm sure for others reading too.

I believe that indeed, people don't trust me to act reasonably, because I'm unconventional. I don't trust anyone weird to act reasonably either, so I can understand them. I do get a feeling that this fear of me being unpredictable is what keeps many people away from me.

Funny thing is, I'm much more reasonable than anyone I know. The top idols of reasonable behavior I've known along my life have gone from millionaires to bankrupt due to ridiculous decisions and almost starved their kids due to irresponsibility, been cheated and abandoned by those who were even more wonderful and "reasonable" than them, committed horrendous crimes against humanity, and so on and so forth. And I'm talking about the top of the top of reasonable people who always claimed that I was the unreasonable one. (Sorry to add this irrelevant paragraph to the thread, but I sooo needed to get it off my chest.)

Ah, but it is relevent. Are the indicators we use accurate? Can or should we trust our senses or instincts? How does anyone - and that includes NTs - really know when to act on impression, and when to suppress it? That's the thing I've learned more about over time than anything; it is easy to be deceived, and easy to judge wrongly.

Good question. There is a saying in Biblical Hebrew that says "You know the man by his glass, his pocketand his anger" (in Hebrew, the 3 words sound almost the same - kosoh, kisoh, kasoh). Ever since I heard this saying, I've adopted it, I think it's wonderful. How a person spends their money, what angers them and how they act when drunk tell me all I need to know about a person. Before I know these 3 about someone, I never say that I know him/her.

Lol! Just for fun, try and judge me on those...I'd like to see what you think...

Money: I mostly spend my money on Red Bull, clothes, jewellery, stuff for my hair and other cosmetic s**t. But I'm currently being a bit more focused and saving it up cos I want to get me a hardtail mountain bike.

Anger: I'm VERY easily angered. The main thing that angers me is when unjust or discriminatory behaviour is accepted as part of life and tolerated instead of challenged. I also rapidly go from 'normal Mechie' to 'angry rabid foaming at the mouth wolverine' if I'm having an argument and someone keeps casting aspersions on me instead of proving me wrong and won't answer my points.

Oh, and I hate men who harass females. There's a moronic drunk guy in my town who thinks it's funny to make crude sexual gestures to a woman even if she's telling him to f**k off. I'm dying for an excuse to beat him unconscious...

"Glass": I don't drink, so you won't be getting a read on me from that one...

One for the NTs and the Aspies:
HERE, PLEASE

Me Aspie: as far as #1 goes: I hardly get (understand) any verbal cues.
#2: see irises??? Ya gotta be kidding me Aspies don't notice irises or pupil contractions!! !! We don't look that long to compare any differences and as far as me personally I can't tell unless it's a before/after picture that someone's pupils have dilated/constricted, I just don't pick up on it at all - I'd make a lousy cop if I was checking pupils for drug use I'd just see nothing unusual at all as I don't know instinctively what they're supposed to look like when sober/not-stoned.

In fact I'd say sometimes I can't even see pupils at all, it's all just a blob and I have good vision.

That must sound strange to NTs, but it's my reality.

Since when are Aspies noted to have multiple friends to share ANYTHING with let alone proof a resume? You of all people should know this.

OK my take on this (I am Aspie) I feel ESP a lot and can finish people's sentences correctly about 95% of the time (I don't do it any more they think I'm conceited or it's a trick or some few will deliberately make up nonsense to "prove" I'm off-base) and I sense this ESP must be due to the the magnetic field of their brain that is revealing their true state to me in some electrical fashion, but non-verbal body language does not get into my brain unless I REALLY concentrate and shut everything else down.

Good point, but I didn't have an AS son yet in the days I was doing those interviews, and someone who doesn't know you isn't going to make allowances for your AS, so you may as understand it as a fact that this is something employers expect. If it isn't a friend, use multiple cold looks over a period of several days to catch all the errors. I've had people with limited English skills come in with absolutely perfect resumes. Knowing how to fill in for your own weaknesses is a very key job skill.

What do I do if someone is flirting with my boyfriend? Was she flirting with him?


One time This clerk at a store, a little older than me started looking my boyfriend up and down, with an odd look on her face. she then said "You have beautiful eyes" and gave him this weird wink thing.

He didn't know how to respond and it made me very jealous. I think she was flirting with him. am i right?

I wanted to hit her. I was very unsure how to respond so I turned to him and said "I tell you that all the time."


How should I respond next time someone does this? how do I get them to know he is taken? We look alike, and most people assume we are siblings.

thank you.