The autism social rule book.

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If someone says keeps saying "I see," it's code for "You're boring me- let's change the topic"

Oo! Let me try!

Rule #Idontevenknow: You are not always to blame in situations of social awkwardness. Never forget that other people can be downright disrespectful sometimes, and you're not obligated to take it lying down. If you are trying to tell someone something important and you see a lot of eye-rolling and other impatient gestures, just say, "nevermind. Go away. I'll get someone else." Downright jerks aren't even worth cussing.

After asking a question, pause for at least 10 seconds in order to allow the other person to answer you before you start talking again.

Hey, I found this thread today and I like it. I wanted to say that the only two problems I saw were the occasional "screw you" attitude that crops up, which someone commented on one of the comments talking about forgiveness so that's good, and the other problem is lying.

The "I see" comments usually feel like the other person is bored, so I relate to that comment from having someone say that to me.

I wanted to comment on the "How are you?" thing, too, because I noticed something with this. Some people are put off by, "Fine, how are you?", or at least how I say it. I tried to figure this out a while back, and I think some people just want to hear "Hi" and not even "I'm ok" or "Good, how are you?" etc. I think I'll keep saying, "Fine, how are you?" if possible, just because the other seems rude, but it is something I've noticed that I sometimes get a reaction from people when I say the whole thing.

Last edited by whydoilookaround on 30 Apr 2011, 7:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

YES!! ! Remember that sometimes the other person IS wrong. It isn't always our fault.

Don't argue to prove a point unless you know the person well enough. You'll come across as "narrow minded" or "stubborn" rather than the intelligent debater you want to look like

Last edited by AllieKat on 01 May 2011, 5:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Well, I've found some e-book which fits your description.
It's a survival guide written by Marc Segar and has been published free.
And it has more to do with the more subtitle things which has been mentioned here in this topic.
To find it just hit Google and type: Marc Segar: A Survival Guide For People With Asperger Syndrome

I also recommend to read some body language books, to all of us actually.

OH! You could write a whole chapter on how eye contact gives information to the speaker!

Rule idontevenknow2: the eyes.

a) When they tell you, "make eye contact," that means that you do so in the same sense that you nod your head. It's a brief gesture that entails the statement, "I am paying attention to you."


b) Think, when is the proper time to assure someone that you are paying attention? Usually, a stressed statement or a topic change is appropriate for making eye contact.

c) If you are accused of "staring," it might be that you were trying to make your eye contact during an academic or inconsequential part of what the other person was saying. This makes people nervous and gives them a sense of "stage fright."

d) For academic material, where you want to remember a lot of information for future reference, you look slightly up and slightly to the left of the speaker's gaze, flicking your gaze to the person's eyes when you hear a stressed statement. This is usually where people nod ocassionally.

e) When you want to say that you are thinking actively and might have something to say soon, you cock your head to the right and squint a little as if trying to get water to drain out of your ear, and you stare at the space just above the speaker's crown as if you see something there besides the speaker. In a moment, the speaker will stop and give you an opportunity to say what is on your mind.

f) When you look down, especially if it's a little off to the right, it might suggest to the speaker that you are trying to remember something. This can be accentuated by touching your left temple with your left forefinger.

g) You usually shouldn't look the speaker too strongly in the eye when talking, and you should allow your gaze to drift randomly while making eye contact whenever you want to emphasize key points. Maintaining eye contact while saying something is a command to the speaker to pay especially close attention to it. Doing this when what you are saying is not really all that important can cause people to think you are silly and take yourself too seriously, but failing to do it when you are supposed to can make them think you don't take anything seriously at all.

h) Practice! Practice! Practice!

#0x0F01 (hexadecimal)

Love to be loved. When you find someone you relate to - let yourself be loved. I am not sure if this is helpful - but there are NT's out there that look out for others.

# ????: Learn the correct situations in which to say "please," "thank you," and other niceties. Then say those things in the correct situations, even if they sound phony to you. Most people don't care if they sound phony, only that they get said.

# ???? + 1: If a relative of yours dies, and someone says, "I'm sorry," the proper response is "Thank you." I apologize if this seems elementary, but *I* had to be told. Otherwise I would have generated the response, "That's OK," which is usually the pat answer to "I'm sorry," but in case of death, it just doesn't sound right!

Depends on the context. If it's anyone you need/want to impose power over, you have to realize that imposing your view (through disagreement) is a way of projecting that power. But, out of social 'niceness', people usually seek agreement.

Well, true, if you're the parent, or the boss, or the cop, what you say goes. Although even then, a game of "get in the last word" can get really old, really fast. In that case maybe a "the conversation is over" is in order, and then ignore what they say after that.

But if, say, it's some unimportant point of fact among peers, it's best to let it drop even when you're right. If they keep saying you're wrong, even if you then prove yourself right, you will not find yourself well-liked. They will only brand you a know-it-all. In such situations I have had people respond with a disgusted, "Oh, you always have to be right, don't you?" Or a philosophical, "Would you rather be right, or happy?" This is very annoying, but it seems to be what society wants.

Example from real life : A bunch of my peers at an adult day treatment center, where I was a client, were knocking their heads together over who sang "The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia" before Reba McEntire did. I said it was Vicki Lawrence. Oh, no, they all argued. I had to be wrong. Vicki Lawrence is an actress, not a singer. Well, I happen to have her original version of that song on CD, so I brought it in the next day, and got exactly those disapproving "you think you know everything" responses.

Lol, well yeah, those are common sense type of situations and 'normal groups' and people in 'normal social situations' do tend to prefer the happiest outcomes over the most correct outcomes (And this is where humor is often used to defuse the disagreement, for those skilled in it.). Choose your battles wisely, as they say.

That includes joking about a spelling error they made.

Lol. That makes me think this was a recently encountered issue on WP.

Semi-Exception: You are allowed to joke about the target of their upset or venting, as long as it's used to ridicule the thing that they are upset or venting about or otherwise used to agree with their view. Be wary of topics/subjects that the person may have feelings or respect for, though, like boyfriends or friends -- it's best to simply be understanding in those situations.

I remember reading that when I was ten at my mother's workplace back in the late 1990s!

Marc Segar died a couple of years after penning that guide, I believe.