The worst thing a bully has done to you

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I don't know how to define a bully because in my life, most of them have been intimate partners or domestic violence. I've written about a lot of that, particularly in the satire thread where people think I'm joking about just how sadistic some of those mofos have been. I was also bullied by some of my family members including my own mother who used to say I looked and acted ret*d, or that I was as useless as tits on a bull.

Scaling it back to my school days, there was my Uni housemate who called me a "cosmopolitan slut" when I was still a virgin, and I went home one day to find all my clothes and my freezer food out on the lawn as a sign that I was kicked out. Good thing it was the end of the semester, but I had to deal with all that anxiety and shame during finals.

As a teenager around 18 I was in charge of driving around to various summer camps to supervise and evaluate the staff. Two rich b***h girls who were younger than I was used to mock me and imitate me in front of the children. They said I looked drunk (gait issues) and stoned (no eye contact). One time they were roaring with laughter pretending to be me by staring at the wall.

When I was 14 I had a very bad incident of gossip and shaming at my school regarding something I didn't do (sexual, with an older boy), and I was completely ostracized from the only friends I had. I still haven't recovered from that.

There was also an older girl who would stand just off school property making a fist and threatening to kill me. I didn't know who she was or what I did, but I later found out it was because she thought I liked her boyfriend. I'm face blind and didn't even know her boyfriend or recognize him when finally shown a picture by my teacher.

In Primary it was mostly exclusion, and they called me names liked "stunned".

Oh, then there was my Kindergarten teacher who yanked me up off the floor by my ponytail and spanked me in front of everyone because I played with a train set which was blue. I was supposed to know it was only for boys so she shamed me until I cried, then sent me to play House with the girls.

It's completely understandable that you haven't forgotten your bullying experiences. Trauma can leave a lasting impact, and holding onto those memories doesn't mean you're not moving on. You're processing past experiences and gaining self-understanding, which is a crucial part of healing.

The quote by Marilyn Monroe is beautiful. It highlights how embracing what makes you unique, even the "unusual" parts, is a strength. While you can't change the past, you can focus on the present and build a future where you celebrate your individuality. There will likely be moments when those memories surface, but they won't define you.