Jono wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
YippySkippy wrote:
Quote:
A bad relationship is rarely the result of behaviours of one partner alone, whether one of them has a neurological condition or not. If you're going to say that AS type behaviours could lead to the NT partner being abused then you also have to explore what kinds of behaviours that the NT does in that situation that cause the AS partner feeling abused and potentially making the situation worse.
I agree that ASD does not make people more likely to be abusive.
That said,
a bad relationship and an abusive relationship are two very different things. An abusive relationship IS the result of the behaviors of one partner alone. "See what you made me do" is a typical abuser's excuse that must never be validated.
I do believe the ASD can contribute to the abuse even though it's not a symptom. Eckln's posts are an example because she keeps posting about her aspie husband and his traits causing him to act abusive. I need to stop lying to myself and denying that being aspie can't make someone an abuser. That is like saying my ex wasn't one and the reason why he was one was because he had issues. He had trust issues, worried too much what people would think of him and he cared too much what people thought, he had low self esteem and issues with jealousy so he put others down and me and my parents to make himself feel better.
There is still no excuse for the aspies mistreating their partners rather and their abuse could be un AS related because it could be due to low self esteem, trust issues, etc. and some are just mean and it has nothing to do with their mental illness or neurological disorder.
Nobody says that aspies can't be abusive, only that the AS doesn't cause. NT's can also have factors like low self-esteem and trust issues leading them to become abusive, that kind of thing isn't limited to aspies.
I didn't word that right. I didn't mean my ex had low self esteem or trust issues because she was aspie, I say she acted that way due to those things and I think things can contribute to the abuse. Back when my husband and I were planning to get married, the planning it was very stressful and that is stressful for lot of women so that is why we have wedding planners. My mom did most of it but I had to do some of it too. The stress was giving me anxiety so I was starting to lash out at my husband and him telling me to calm down is what made me end up throwing the phone and hitting him in the face with it. It was the stress and anxiety of the wedding is what contributed to that abuse.
I believe people are abusive because they have issues. It could be due to anxiety, PTSD, autism, anger issues, explosive disorder, trust issues, low self esteem, bipolar, past childhood abuse, alcoholism, stupidity, poor impulse control, etc.
Also I believe part of the reason was because she was transgender and I just found out she had transitioned into a woman and now claims to be bi mostly lesbian when back then she was telling me you are still a man if you get a sex change and being a homophobic calling them fags and saying she doesn't like their lifestyle and that it's a choice and telling me if I had sex with another woman before, we wouldn't have been together and we would have just been friends. My husband thinks she was compensating (whatever the word is) and she took it overboard. I think that was part of the problem when we were together and she took it out on me and others. Hopefully she is happier and it seems like she had changed.
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Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.
25 Feb 2015, 10:00 am
