So I posted in the infamous AS partners forum for NT's...

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Sounds good

This is exactly why I've decided to seek a diagnosis. The fact that I feel I need it in order for others (e.g. my family) to accept and understand me is deeply troubling.

Using your definition of abuse, I think normal people spend their lives trying to abuse each other, pretty much everyone is trying to exert some form of control over everyone they meet, they constantly compete for social dominance without ever being aware that they're doing it.

Edit: Well, its one of the reasons...

I pretty much fully concur with this post. On a ton of autism blogs I often read about someone saying that a particular individual has a tendency to be vicious, malevolent and even intentionally violent because of having autism or Asperger's. And this is outrageous to me. I am most likely on the spectrum and I have had to go through a major baptism by fire, like most posters here, when it comes to learning how to function in our world. I get as enraged as anyone else when the outside world wants us to stay shut out and refuses to try and see things from our point of view. But presuming that being hostile and nasty is an uncontrollable part of autism just makes things worse. I don't like to have to single out specific blogs willy nilly, but I feel this one is a great example of the issue: http://www.confessionsofanaspergersmom. ... 0:00-08:00
in this case, a mother is at the very least giving the impression that her son being a complete jerk is a natural result of Asperger's and that is just not true.

And as for those who say they have autism, often they are self diagnosed autistics. And self diagnosed autistics are often the absolute worst of the worst, the kind who insist that saying truly hurtful things and treating others like absolute garbage is an immutable part of who they are.

Regarding the pain of someone crying, if I see someone crying, perhaps I know what events or factors caused them to cry if it is obvious from situation or someone told me, but in most cases, I don't get their crying on a feeling level of feeling with them even if I know all the details of why they are crying. I am not withdrawing from anything to protect myself, as I don't feel particular negative feelings to withdraw from.

As a lot of self-diagnosed go on to be formally diagnosed, (most), your last paragraph is very bizarre. Immutable meaning unchangeable...

If I see someone crying, I think they're sad. That is what crying means.

Disagree.

Maybe in the minority. But unfortunately the negative stands out more.

I would say that abuse usually involves the intent to harm. It doesn't really make a difference what the underlying purpose is. It could be domination or it could be something else. But negligence or neglect can also be abusive, and it doesn't necessarily involve any specific intent to harm.

I agree people do things to dominate and control each other all the time. But that doesn't mean they are actually trying to harm each other. Cutting in front of someone in line is a way of exerting dominance, but it probably doesn't do any actual harm to the person.

I believe abuse can be unintentional. People don't even always know they are being abusive. How many times have I see parents in the media abusing their children and not even realizing it? By your definition of abuse, what they did wasn't abuse and it doesn't matter how the kid felt. Or how many times have I heard on the Dr. Phil show by an abuser saying they have no memory of such events and they blank out when they get abusive. What about kids who explode and get aggressive or adults and they really can't control their impulse? Wouldn't this be unintentonal but yet it would still be called abuse. What about a parent out there who gets so frustrated they beat their child and then feel bad about it afterwards because they lost control of themselves? They get charged with child abuse if they get caught. I do see people say how stupid some parents are because of their choices they make as parents because they didn't realize it was abusive. if abuse is unintentional, it would mean they didn't do child abuse because it was unintentional or saying that about a partner who hit his wife because he lost control from getting so angry at her. I was also saying my ex wasn't abusing me because he had trust issues so it's not like he was choosing to act controlling and there were other things he did too that are considered abuse by what I have read about relationship abuse. But everyone kept telling me it was abuse abuse abuse and then I read an article in the seventeen magazine about relationship abuse and my ex ticked three of the boxes and my first thought was "oh that was different. He has trust issues, he had AS, he had PTSD." Then i realized after a while abuse is abuse. It doesn't need to be intentional or else people wouldn't be calling the behavior abuse and parents wouldn't be getting charged with child abuse or neglect because they didn't know or because they lost control because they got so frustrated or angry.

lel.
Some of us are sane enough not to lose our s**t just because our name got mentioned on the internet.

How does she even have time for a job with all the whining on the internet and hating of WP that she does?

Are you addressing my post? This doesn't make any sense in response to what I wrote.

Let me throw this hypothetical situation into the mix:

I buy my husband a bouquet of flowers. Unbeknownst to me, the type of flower I've chosen was a favorite of one of his beloved deceased relatives - the sight of them causes him immense emotional pain. He bursts into tears and runs out of the room.

If we argue that abuse occurs whenever one person causes pain to another, without regard for intent, then this scenario would make me an abusive spouse. And I think that idea is ridiculous.

Obviously, in that case, you weren't abusive.

I believe abuse is ONLY when there is intent to abuse.

I agree. People can make mistakes, can hurt people by accident, and that's unfortunate. But every bad thing that happens is not abuse. If you and I are walking through a hallway and I accidently bump into you, that's not abuse even if you fall down and break your arm.