Do euphemisms get on your nerves?

Post Reply New Topic

I think we're just talking past each other. You didn't address any of my points but maybe I'm just not articulating myself well.

To be clear we're just talking about the "blaming the other first" strategy, not white lies and euphemisms. You say "blame the other first" makes sense, I say it doesn't make sense. It doesn't "soften the blow" of the rejection of the request for a ride. To tell them they are wrong for even asking is an even more cold and harsh sounding than giving some reason or excuse.

If the purpose of the "blame the other first" manipulation is merely to get the person to back off and leave you alone, then yes, it makes a lot of sense. "blame the other first" makes perfect sense to get rid of an annoying sales person that won't leave you alone. It doesn't make sense to use it on someone you want to date unless you really don't care what happens after and want to dump him anyways.

Yup. I like to call a spade a spade.

E.G.

"you need space" < "I'm tired of you"
"the ownership has become blurred" < "you stole it"
"help you back to work" < "make your benefits harder to get"

I think it's important to pull punches sometimes, though. The truth often hurts, and may have to wait until the listener is strong/mature enough to take it - which may be never.

That'd be my own analysis too, of course.

But our lack of ToM makes us ignorant of human emotional weaknesses. In this case, that people in general react more positively when they're guilt-tripped than when given logical explanations. This is why, among other things, you get a lot of guilt-tripping and insecurity-inducing advertising in the media rather than logical arguments, even when the product being advertised has a very logical advantage.

Most people are insecure enough that, if you sound confident enough in your guilt-tripping of them, and you're quick enough to do it before they guilt-trip you, they'll automatically feel THEY are the ones in the wrong, even if they aren't, rather than blame YOU.

Eg: "We haven't been to the beach in some time, and it's healthy to go to the beach, as my doctor said, so I consider we should make plans to go this weekend" is much less effective than: "You haven't taken me to the beach in a loooong time, sweetheart."(pouts)

ToughDiamond,

I reject that rationalization, because it's made society so hypocritical and people so spoilt, that nowadays you can't say practically anything without someone protesting that they're not ready to hear it and you should know better than mentioning it.

People have become so emotionally lazy and spoilt with all this "protecting them from their own feelings" done by everyone else around them, that the very growth in emotional resilience you mention is stunted from ever taking place in them.

Besides, let's face it, NTs know when they're being told a euphemism and not a truth. And many, if not most, do resent it deep inside. Proof of it is that "It's not you, it's me", which used to be the euphemism par excellence, is nowadays looked down upon and if someone uses it anymore they're resented for it.

I'm more annoyed when i use a euphemism, only for the aspie i've used it on to completely misunderstand it, even when i've explained it TIME and TIME again. The whole "I'm more aspie than you" competition, quite frankly get's boring very quickly.

haha oh wow, it's amazing how much the therapist has hit the nail on the head. People sometimes do it on purpose as a joke among friends, but now that I think about it, it's actually used quite often. I think this is the root of the "don't care" attitude: if you don't care, then you can't lose at the game. If one overdose on the guilt-tripping though, it becomes really obvious and there's more pathetic than seeing someone trying to guilt-trip you

So would you say that absolute bluntness is the best policy in every case?

I think you're lumping people together too much. Some people react positively to being guilt-tripped, some don't. Would you claim that 100% of the NT population will react positively to being guilt-tripped for asking for a ride? Or is the figure more like 80%, or perhaps 50%?


That's comparing apples to oranges. Here there's a positive emotional aspect to the communication. There's a display of affection plus going to the beach is actually an enjoyable activity. The 'guilt-trip' is only a minor aspect, like a little dab of salt to add to the sense of urgency. It's not the main intent.

If guilt-tripping was the only intent it'd be more like "Why don't you ever take me to the beach anymore? Am I suddenly not important to you?". Then the response wouldn't be very positive. It'd probably be something like "What do you mean not important? We went out for dinner at your favorite restaurant last week. They're talking about laying people off at the company. Maybe we should sell the house. I just can't take it any more!".

We had a thread on that lately, "Bluntness and honesty vs. politeness and white lies."

I'm used to use euphemims or else people say I'm exagerating, that it can't be true, that I don't know what I'm talking about and so on.

And also, sometimes, I'm hurted by people saying things with such brutality, looking as if they didn't know what they are saying and how they say it and the effects it may have on someone. I can understand that way of speaking but it can be awfully hurting.
And it's not a matter of maturity or immaturity, it's just sensitivity.

marshall, please bring back the results of your own research so we can compare findings.

Ok guys, I'm really starting to wonder if you guys are actually dealing with "NTs" and not Sociopaths instead. Most of my friends and family are NTs and while some of them display this anti-social attitude, they don't display it to this degree.

Your more negative NT SOMETIMES does thing with a conversation, if they do it in a persistant pathological way you are probably dealing with a Sociopath and not an NT.



Yup, normal NTs have a word for abusers, SOCIOPATHS!



Yeah it's a really bad idea to generalize all NT's as sociopathic monstrousities, there are plenty of good NTs with a conscience, morality, and integrity.



Agreed, mind games are one of the most disgusting things invented by humanity.



It does in this context, especially if the salesperson at hand is a hustler, you have "mind game" the "mind game player", or you can tell them bluntly to "screw off", but that takes a bit of courage.



I don't the think the innocent victim of the mind game is going to react positively, being deceived is not fun or nice at all.



The buisness world seems tailor suited for those with sociopathic tendencies.



This is what happens when humanity forgets the wisdom of our ancenstors and puts "Narcissus on a pedastool", you get a social plauge that ravages the land. But I agree with you entirely, society has alot of people have become spoiled and self-centered and have completely abandoned their conscience.



Not really, infact most NTs have no clue about the rules of social engagement at all, they aren't mind readers despite what they might insinuate to you. Real life example....

(Me and my friend TH are talking about a subject, the subject is discussed to it's maximum potential at the time, so I shift into another subject)

Me: (Shifts to another topic)
TH: What the heck? How do you go from one topic to another?
Me: When a topic is discussed to it's maximum potential at the current time, you naturally shift into another topic.
TH: ????? (looks puzzled) I knew that! I'm not stupid!

NTs really have no clue, some of them just BS, as I said alot of "social rules" are nothing more than mind game/cheat codes they use, they're illegal manuevers so to speak in the game of "intellectual chess". I have zero tolerance for illegal manuevers.



If by "hit the nail on the head" you mean "advised someone to act like a social deviant" then yes.



Friends don't try to "mind ****" each other, jokes are jokes, mind games are mind games. Quit trying to blur the other, it's socially deviant.



You mean the sociopathic attitude, the one remorseless, empathyless, conscienceless, narcissistic attitudes that make some fools believe they're above the rules, funny thing is, these clowns can dish it out but can't take it.



Are you sure you're NT as in (Nuero-Typical), I'm starting to think that NT to you means (Narcissistically-Tarded).



...........



My stance is blunt honesty is better than a long-term dangerous lie, I don't being lied to even if it's harsh, it's more insulting to be deceived just so the person can ease their so-called "conscience" which they only give lip-service to.

Again: True kindness comes from the heart, not the mouth.

They can cause me problems since I'm very likely to take them literally. I think using them is daft anyway, why wouldn't you just say straight in someone's face what the deal is. I really hate those who give you hope or are very vague. Perhaps they aren't euphemisms, but plain lies, because they definetely are misleading. They made me get into trouble in my school years since I took them literally, sometimes on purpose to annoy teachers and sometimes not.

I think they're very confusing.

That's why they drive me mad, because I don't fall for them anymore but I know they mislead so many people still. It's unfair play unless the listener is very savvy and knows not to take them literally.

Some of you are very young, but I remember a few decades ago when "I need space" meant seriously and honestly only "I need space". People said this when their partner, whom they loved no doubt, was too choking. Psychologists would advice to tell them this. It was only later that people started to take advantage of this to get rid of their partners whom they didn't want anymore, or whom they wanted to see much less of.

Same story happened with "Be spontaneous!" A few decades ago, Psychologists came out with this need for people to be spontaneous in romantic relationships, as a sign of mental health and readiness for a relationship. So people used this phrase honestly at the beginning. Then it became an euphemism for "I expect you to be at my beck-and-call according to MY spontaneous whims." Young people today don't use this euphemism and wouldn't like it one bit if it was said to them, because people don't fall for this one anymore.

My thoughts exactly! I mean, what the HELL was wrong with 'blind' and 'deaf'?! Now it's completely buried under jargon! What once took only two syllables to say is now TEN: "visually impaired" and "hearing impaired"! *sighs* Christ...

Usagi1992

To the big part it's because liberals and such have been pushing hard for a carebear hug society. ret*ds became handicapped, then people with disabilities AND THEN people with special abilities. And don't you dare call a black guy anything else but African-American