Does anyone just try to fit in with so called normal people.

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I recently told one of my (only) friends that I have Asperger's and he thought I was joking.

We had lunch during which I gave him a running commentary of my behaviour;

Lack of eye contact (with me moving my head back to center position with my hand to exaggerate it)
Launching into a speech with FAR too much detail
Talking too much
Not paying attention to the other person

I asked him how he managed to put up with someone like me to which he responded that if he needed to put up with me, he wouldn't spend time with me.

He then told me that I am one of the very few people in our city that he considers to be a close friend???


I will however be trying harder to improve the quality of our time together.

Yes they're out there. And I always find it a lot easier to make the effort with people who don't seem about to dismiss me as "too strange" - so much of it is about relaxing.

that's sweet. i love people like this.
my best friends think i'm wierd, but they like it, they think it's interesting and makes me funner. (that IS a word in my book.)

We are a small minority. Rubbing blue mud in my navel is a small price to pay for having a roof over my head and enough money to keep the greyhounds fed.

I did the whole trying to fit in bit when i was in elementary school. It wasnt until i age 17+ that people would find me interesting . . . but only in a professional environment (ie working). I pretty much shut down to society prior to that point since i didnt know how to play with the other kids. Shoot, i was already using a computer when they had just learned what one was (my father worked for a computer intensive company back in the 80s and so was granted one of the first PCs due to his job requirements. The ancient ones that cost $4000 at the time). Ah, forgot to mention my Magic (card game) group in high school and a Battletech group in middle school. Those were fun.

I never really tried to "fit in". There was something about me that was so obviously different, even as a little kid, that prohibited me from being a real part of any large social group. I was not allowed in, and I didn't know how to pretend to be somebody else so I could join in on what everybody else was doing. I still don't know how to do that. Even now, as an adult, I am excluded from a lot of the social things that go on around me. And it hurts, sure, but I'm starting to learn that sometimes people don't want me around. I can't blame them. A lot of the time, I don't want most people around, either.

I have always described myself as the leader of the outcasts. I know the reason for this now, why I attracted (and still do attract) people who are different in some way. I treat everyone equally. I'm not saying that I'm this great person for doing that-- I'm just incapable of doing anything else. Power, authority and systems have no real meaning to me. I don't understand social heirarchies or the "games" that people play. I don't know my place. This makes people who like power not like me (think: 'popular' kids in school, egomaniacal bosses and professors).

But even in the social groups I have been a part of, I have had very few true friends. It's probably because I don't connect to people well, or if I do, I don't know how to show it. People seem to connect to me, much in the way that a barnacle attaches to a ship. People even come to me for advice, which is something I did not understand until very recently, when I asked a true friend why he came to me with his problems. He told me it is because I am objective and trustworthy. That was a nice thing for him to say, but it's not like I'm those things on purpose. It's just interesting. I'm sure more people would say that I'm their friend than I would say are my friends. But the people I do manage to connect with, and with whom the connection goes both ways, I would die for.

I know that I'm different. I'm learning that some people actually like me, some people just think I'm safe, some people want to use me, some people just want to hurt me and others just don't care. Now I still don't know where most people fit in those categories, but at least I'm realizing those things now. And I'm realizing that it's OK to be myself. I have always been myself, I just thought for a long time that there was something really wrong with me for being that way. But now I'm accepting that I'm different, but that different is not bad.

I don't think i've ever tried to fit in, i've always accepted that im different and shoulden't try to fit in with other people. But i've found out that by only talking to people when they talk to me has got me really good friends who want to be my friend (I doubt they would talk to me if they didn't) and even though I have hardly any at all, i'd rarther have a few friends that respect me rarther than trying to fit in with people who might not even like me.

I find it really painful. I WANT to fit in, but I can't. My whole life has been one big frustrated attempt to fell accepted.

I suspect there is a personality difference in responses. In terms of MBTI type I would speculate that Aspies that have a desire to fit in but can't tend to be xxFJ types (I'm INFJ), and to a lesser extent ExxJ types.

Last edited by Odin on 03 Nov 2009, 7:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I can't really fake it for that long; I can't keep up a conversation and then the thousand-yard stare begins. If I had a circle of friends more like me it wouldn't be that big of a deal, but if I am going to have friends, it would be nice to be able to fit in enough to appeal to "normal" people. I feel that I'm generally well-liked (I've never given anyone a reason to hate me), but not close to being anyone's ideal person with whom to socialize.

same. except for my few friends, i'm just that slightly wierd girl who doesnt talk to much, but is nice enough.

Laney2005 wrote,

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My experience/s and attitudes too.

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I have also met and had/have friendships with some wonderful NTs whose breadth of human spirit was/is great.

Laney2005 wrote,

+



My experience/s and attitudes too.

+
I have also met and had/have friendships with some wonderful NTs whose breadth of human spirit was/is great.

I will take quality ANYWHERE I can find it, especially as I have AS.

Somewhat but I fail at it.

I've tried to be normal, but failed miserably. I don't even bother pretending nowadays.

My friends know I have aspergers syndrome, but I have been trying to fit in with other "normal" people sometimes, which hasn't been comfortable. Over the years I haven't been able to get a word into a conversation (whether in a casual meeting or at a party), so I've just become "the quiet type", and soon I got labeled as "the quiet person".

I've been rather lucky because my mum has been taking me aside and practically teaching me how to be "normal" (normal as in how to start a conversation with someone and keep it going).