worried i dont have AS

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Super taster tests are those strips that only select people can taste. The point was not about the test but just the anxiety of wanting to be or not wanting to be and fear of results etc. Its such a simple matter yet still I'm anxious about it, just like the OP is anxious about AS.

@go_around: yeah, you can only be shocked once, but that was a pretty big shock. A professional should be able to see everything from the proper perspective to make a judgment call, at least in theory.

oh, i get this. one of the most nerve wracking things is seeing a new photo of an internet friend for me. isnt that silly? i even start shaking some times.

I too wonder if i really do have it. My son has been dx'd with it so there may be a chance that i do have it as well. He reminds me a lot of myself, but then we are also very different (when i was his age). I don't really care if i get a dx or not. Most likely i will only tell my son if i do and maybe my daughter.

I only suffer from the social part of it. I hate not knowing what to say. I hate doing rehearsals of what i should say in my head only to find out when it does come out, it didn't come out the way i had rehearsed it. Or it came out just like i rehearsed it, but actually hearing sounded like totally the wrong way to say it and i end up having to re-explain myself. I hate being scared of what others will think if i say something stupid. The other stuff i can live with. I have mild sensory issues. Nothing i can't bare, except being tickled. Noises do not hurt my ears physically, but some sounds do bother me...it just isn't painful. Or maybe i don't get what they mean by painful? I am not preoccupied or have strong special interests. Unless reading about AS counts?

I want friends. I want late night garage parties like everyone else on the block. I want to go shopping with them or have play dates with them. If i did make some friends, i am afraid i won't be a good friend. One who could listen to their problems and lend them a shoulder to cry on or whatever. I just don't connect to people like that. I wish i did, but i don't. I don't want to hear their problems. I don't want them to come unannounced. I don't want them to drag me shopping when i don't feel like going. The things friends do, i don't feel i can live up to those expectations. I think it would completely stress me out. And i can barely use up all my time with the kids (only two), how the heck would i be able to juggle friends in there...and even a job? So overwhelming just thinking of it.

Even though i have had difficulties since i was a child: Sensory issues, motor coordination troubles, social adjustment troubles...all kindsa stuff that is associated with being on the spectrum...and even though I was assessed as having AS, and a psychiatrist agreed with the assessment...Even though I feel detached from the vast majority of people..and all this other stuff....

Sometimes I am prone to having doubts and wonder if I have managed to brain wash myself into thinking I am on the spectrum, and my issues are caused by something else...

As my mom said when I was little..."You're not autistic, you're artistic"...but why was "autistic" brought up in the first place?

What if my issues are simply the result of mild head trauma, PTSD, left-handedness and ADD?
I am different from the folks who would show up at the aspie meetings...but I am sorta different from most people...

I think a lot of us have a tendency to analyze and analyze and analyze ourselves. I believe that can be a good indicator of AS right there. I have mentioned a few things to my therapist before and he says, "I understand what you are saying, but in my professional opinion, you have Asperger's." Looking at the diagnostic criteria---I see that nothing else seems to fit me any better. So it is Asperger's.

I believe that genetics plays an important part in autism. One of my son's was diagnosed with Asperger's this past August at the age of eight by a well-known child psychiatrist in our area. Then our school ran their own battery of tests on him in order to get an IEP for him---and they said it was an easy IEP to write because my son fits the Asperger's critieria so well.

The problem is that there is no medical test that will come back with a positive sign in a window saying "Autism." Instead, we have to go on a set of criteria to see if we fit. And the problem is, not everyone with autism fits the same way into this criteria. That is why Asperger's is a syndrome which is a part of the autism spectrum. That's the important thing---autism is a spectrum---a range so to speak.

Remember this important statement that is often heard at autism conferences when you wonder about having AS/autism---"You've met one person with autism...you've met one person with autism." No two are alike.

well, i do do that, moreso than the average human, by far.
and my uncle is believed to be on the spectrum.

Hi Spazzergasm---If you have an uncle who is believed to be on the spectrum, then that should be a good indicator of the genetics in your family. Right now you are on a journey of discovery about yourself. I went through obsessive analysis of my life from the time I was professionally diagnosed with Asperger's (November 2008) until this past August 2009 (after my son was diagnosed with Asperger's). Then, even though I was still extremely interested in my life and seeing Asperger's in it, it wasn't as obsessive as it had been. And right now, I am still quite interested about Aspeger's in my life, but not to that obsessive level. I believe you are in that obsessive analysis mode. And you are not alone---I have spoken to others who have gone through this exact same thing. So you are learning right now---and that is good. What will probably happen is that you will keep analyzing yourself and eventually go in for a professional diagnosis.

i heard the genetics are something like 40% of it?
i'm def in the obsessive mode. thank you for understanding. i dont want to seem like a narcissist or something. i'm just really curious about myself right now.

I also worry sometimes that what I think I see as AS that runs in my family might also be something else...because nobody is diagnosed...nobody really understands it...I only have anecdotal evidence of my older relatives who died years ago...My chemical engineer paternal grandfather was very rigid and repetitive and obsessive and always wore the same clothes like a uniform..and collected the same things over and over again...and used the same phrases over and over again...Am I wrong to think of those as AS traits? I remember reading that autism is more likely to exist in families where there are lots of engineers and such...and I have several...
My paternal grandfather was also the main member of the family to openly address the fact that I was not developing quite normally. His brother lived in extreme isolation and never married and had a massive hoarding problem...(but what if that was just from survivng the Depression?)..and my grandfather was brought up to have an extreme amount of discipline to compensate for having English as a second language...and perhaps that is what made him so repetitive...
Maybe the strong streak of eccentricity on my dad's side is just OCD....but am I wrong in relating that to AS?
What if what I see as my mom's AS traits really are just manifestations of her lifelong depression...and her repetitive and obsessive interests are just her outlet for coping with that depression...

Last edited by poopylungstuffing on 30 Oct 2009, 1:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Something else you could do is invest some effort into trying to match yourself with something other than AS or anything on the spectrum. That way if you do get a diagnosis and it ends up being negative you will have something to fall back on other than the empty black hole of depression.

You may find that AS isn't the only thing you have.

That's how I ended up thinking I have AS. Thought one problem was related to such and such, but eventually uncovered that there may be more to it.

Hey Spazzergasm,

I’m reposting this here for you. I can relate to your situation! After many years of beating myself up over problems I couldn’t figure out solutions to, I came to the conclusion that I’m just not going to beat myself up over it anymore. I created my own syndrome to diagnose myself with while I wait for a doctor to figure me out. Since I created it, I’m more than willing you let you share the diagnosis with me as long as you promise me one thing. Don’t be hard on yourself regardless of what label you may or may not have. No good comes of it.

You seem to be quite at home here. I hope you continue to hang out and share with us.

Hey, I've just noticed this thread and read most of it... and that's exactly how I'm feeling right now! It's, like, I have to find out what I have! I don't care if it's not Asperger's, as long as I get an explanation for my problems and a suggestion/diagnosis that will help me connect with other people who think like me. I've felt out of place in this world for my entire life, and it would give me more selfconfidence once I get to meet more and more people who I can identify with. Especially those of my gender and my age. I am fed up with meeting men who just want to have sex with me, which is the LAST thing I want in my life right now. Once I've been through a long, stressful period, discovering how well I could relate to people on this forum was like the light at the end of the tunnel for me. I'm obsessed with getting feedback from other people on and off the spectrum to see how they can relate to my experiences, so that I can figure out where I belong. And I, too, have a tiny bit of doubt because I was never told about it until very recently. There are also some NTs whose experiences I could relate to. Some people say that AS is just an extreme variant of normal, but do I really have it to the extent that it would be considered AS?
I feel normal. Maybe other people see it in me, and maybe they have suspected it all along, but they just don't go up to me and say whatever they think about me and why. That's why I need a confirmation. I need someone to actually give me an explanation. I wish that whoever assesses/diagnoses me would also have observed me in my day to day situations, and not just listen to my explanations because it's very difficult for me to explain what I go through accurately enough. I've learned phrases by rote, and usually just end up picking the closest phrase in my mind to describe something, which will not necessarily describe it very well.

I am from the UK. It is very easy to get a private diagnosis for about £400. This is private and won't go on your nhs record. Getting one for free on the nhs is difficult as an adult (depending on the city you live in). Ultimately you might not want it on your nhs record (I don't thats why I went private) as it might disqualify you from some job opportunities and you could run into legal problems if faas get their way.

It is very easy to get into UK universities that are not highly sought after (oxford etc..). My brother works as an international officer for a london college trying to get university status and his job is to go to countries around the world and try to persuad students to come. He even offers schools money and various favours in exchange for getting students as they need another 148 to get university status. Other places that already have university status still do this as the more students they get the more funding they get.

Or You could wait and hope you get EU membership (stop your police beating confessions out of suspects) and then you can just move.

I'd bring your sister if you ever go for a dx. They can't really tell for sure without someone that watched you grow up. Any dx you got on your own would be dubious as subconciously you might be trying to "win" one.

My point is that ultimately it doesn't really matter what you want; it matters what you have. And I'm not saying that you do or do not have AS or that you do or do not have schizophrenia; those aren't things I'm qualified to diagnosis, obviously.



This is sympathy. Empathy is when you haven't had the same experience or a similar enough one.

Even if your parents don't want you to go to a specialist, can you go to a general psychologist? They may not be as experienced as one would like, but they might be able to give you a better idea of whether or not you fit the criteria.

Ohhhhh that's interesting.

Just go to the bookstore or library, find the Asperger's listing in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual Of Mental Disorders and see if you fit. It tells you exactly what you do and don't need to have going to have the diagnosis. Any questions about what the terms mean, PM me.