Friends

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I've been labeled as a b***h or as the "troublemaker" over and over in the past because I won't pretend. I don't cause a scene or anything, I just won't pretend and fake that I'm their best friend, I'll stay away from that person or won't go along and then they all get to talk about me!

Knowing how bad they talk about others TO me tells me how bad they talk about me to others.

The person I got so frustrated about (that got me to start this thread) - she is on Facebook and ranting to me privately about how much she hates this other person. I am not friends with the other person. We all went to school together but only for a couple of years, and weren't very close even then, and that's been 30 years ago. So why force yourself to pretend you like someone you don't even know?

She was hiding her presence on FB, ducking the person and trying to avoid talking with her rather than defriending her. I told her just to click "remove from friends" and get on with your life. Why not? Oh she can't do that - she's trying to be "kind". How is it "kind" to lie to someone and pretend you like them while you're forcing yourself into seclusion and can't even come and go as you please becuase you're avoiding them?

Well now the other friend's husband has died. Of course that's sad but I didn't know either of them or their families or anyone involved, so I'm still remaining silent. The fake friend however is going all over the top - driving hours each direction to go spend the day there and sending messages on FB about how wonderful it was to see her and how much she loves her.

iiiiiiiick

I don't get any of it. The fake person has a trip planned to come to my state in Sept and has already been gushing over how great it will be to come here and we must meet up and see each other, etc. Why in the world would I want to do that? Now less than ever since I am watching what a phoney she is.

The only way to be Friends with NT people is to not really be friends at all. You have to be an actor - act in ways you do not feel, are not genuine, be all goofy and emotional and worked up and then talk bad about them to everyone behind their back. I guess that's what is considered friendship.

I have two really good friends. That's all that I need.

I really don't know if NTz lie more than us; maybe they do

What I do know is that they often DON'T say what they really mean.

For me (and I believe other Aspies) when we hear something (and read something) the information is IN the lines.

Aspies tend to take things literally.

NTz seem to have an elaborate language where much of what they mean is BETWEEN the lines.

take note of what Earthmom said, and explain that one then ':B-)

Well, I think I might have the answer actually: social status.

It's what seems to drive the majority of people to do things like that.

It's funny you mentioned the example about Facebook, because several of my former classmates are now removing me from their Friends; no, I don't care, but I find it interesting based on the example you gave.

I think they do this, though because they want the social status that accompanies those undesirable people.

As for us..we kinda don't have any social status; never have, never will. No matter what those people tell you about thinking you're much more respectable than the child molester living in the woods, or the skinhead down the street, as Tom once said it best in a T&J cartoon: "don't you believe it!"

Does it make sense? No....but from my experience society usually doesn't.

The OP is right I think.

I agree with the sentiments of everyone here. You have to be an actor to be able to befriend NTs, because if you act like you they will be put off by something eventually. Some Aspies can handle it, I can't act or sing to save my life. I worry how bad this will affect me once I get a career job (trying to avoid office job at all costs)