I Lie Alot - aspergers vs. dishonesty.

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Thinking about someone lying disturbs me as well, unless *I'm* the one lying...

Fracked up much..? Yeah, color me guilty.....

I am an aspie and I rarely lie, and then only for "social" reasons.

ruveyn

I know this was posted last year (as usual) but I thought there's no point in starting a new thread since there's a lot of topics on this same subject, except they all seem to be out of date (damn the stupid WP rules and the way members get annoyed with such things!! !)

Anyway, I find I lie a lot, and when people say that people on the spectrum find it hard to lie, you wouldn't think that was so. Lying can make things easier at times. I sometimes make up things about my obsession, so that I can talk about it more (unless you're obsessed with facts. But I'm obsessed with certain people, and my family don't really know these people that well, so I can make up some lies about them ).
Also, sometimes I lie just a tiny bit so that I don't have to explain myself so much, then I can skip the interactive part. Once somebody said, ''I remember you were saying about that car boot sale you really wanted to go to? Did you go?'' and because I didn't feel like talking about what happened at the car boot sale at that time (because I seemed in a low mood that day), I just said, ''nah, I didn't go in the end,'' just to get me out of having to say, ''yeah, it was interesting, I brought this and I brought that, and....'' I really didn't feel like it.

I actually find I lie more than NTs do, because if an NT had gone to the car boot sale and somebody asked them the next day if they had been, they wouldn't say no like I did. They would have said, ''yeah, it was great...'' and ect, ect.
So I would have thought that Aspies would be more prone to lying than NTs, if you know what I mean.

i lie only with pigs in mud.

I lie a lot, but I do it to "survive"; so that people won't bother me and I can be left alone. Like when a "friend" whom I do not like very much called today to ask if I wanted to hang out I made up an excuse. He just doesn't take a hint, so I have to continue lying. I don't really have the guts to say "Sorry mate, but you're not my mate".

I do not lie when I don't have to however. I am a very honest person except for when I have to lie. I am not afraid to voice my opinions when other people have a "generally social accepted" opinion that I disagree with.

You might be a pathological liar as stated above or you might just have told so many lies that you've gotten used to it. Maybe you find it easier to lie than to tell the truth at times to protect the image you have created of yourself. You probably don't want to feel like a "weak person".

I find this kind of lying, image reproducing, to be common with those with severe childhood traumas that were never really addressed. I used to be a constant liar like that because I thought that people would not like me if they knew who I was...but over time I realized that my uniquness made me far more interesting than my lies...so I went around telling people blatant truths about myself...which has some pitfalls too, but at least I managed to heal my self esteeme so I dont have to create an image for others to see. I think that once I got out of high school, my lying went away quite a bit as high school was quite traumatic for me. I still lie some usually to avoid hurting people...but that backfires too when they find out otherwise. Other times I can be "too honest" and hurt people without knowing it.
One can have AS and be a liar...that is a myth that the two are not compatable...if you had a severe childhood trauma that deeply affected your self esteeme while having AS...you can quite possibly be a person with AS that is a compulsive liar.

One of my friends who was phsyically abused by her natrual father, and sexually abused continuiouslly by her step father....lies more than anyone I ever met...she rarely told the truth unless she was really mad or caught off guard but would make sh*t up 90.0 percent of the time. I love her dearly and wish that if she knew how special I thought she really was and her lies are not who she is and I can see through them. She is a very sweet, lovabable person underneath all those lies, but she cant see that because her self esteem has been totally crushed as a kid. People who lie like this need compassion to heal, because the more others beat you down about lying to them, the more it will cause you to retreat behind your lies to protect yourself. It is a really bad cycle.
This is how it goes:
childhood trauma damages self image and self esteeme
person begins to lie in order to hide self esteem issues and to sheild the injured inner child
lies are discovered and person is further abused
person lies more but more uniformly
some lies are still discovered and person is further abused
person lies more and lies are all encompassing
all the while the abuse disolves more and more of the self seteeme making person lie more and more
This downward spiral only stops with compassion.
You need to find a therapist who knows about childhood trauma and who is very compassionate who can help build your self esteeme in a safe relationship.

The best way for someone to deal with a person who lies like you and caught you lying is to say, "you said such and such, I hope you can learn to trust me to where you dont feel you need to lie to me to be safe."

pm me if you feel you need to talk privately,

Jojo

I find this kind of lying, image reproducing, to be common with those with severe childhood traumas that were never really addressed. I used to be a constant liar like that because I thought that people would not like me if they knew who I was...but over time I realized that my uniquness made me far more interesting than my lies...so I went around telling people blatant truths about myself...which has some pitfalls too, but at least I managed to heal my self esteeme so I dont have to create an image for others to see. I think that once I got out of high school, my lying went away quite a bit as high school was quite traumatic for me. I still lie some usually to avoid hurting people...but that backfires too when they find out otherwise. Other times I can be "too honest" and hurt people without knowing it.
One can have AS and be a liar...that is a myth that the two are not compatable...if you had a severe childhood trauma that deeply affected your self esteeme while having AS...you can quite possibly be a person with AS that is a compulsive liar.

One of my friends who was phsyically abused by her natrual father, and sexually abused continuiouslly by her step father....lies more than anyone I ever met...she rarely told the truth unless she was really mad or caught off guard but would make sh*t up 90.0 percent of the time. I love her dearly and wish that if she knew how special I thought she really was and her lies are not who she is and I can see through them. She is a very sweet, lovabable person underneath all those lies, but she cant see that because her self esteem has been totally crushed as a kid. People who lie like this need compassion to heal, because the more others beat you down about lying to them, the more it will cause you to retreat behind your lies to protect yourself. It is a really bad cycle.
This is how it goes:
childhood trauma damages self image and self esteeme
person begins to lie in order to hide self esteem issues and to sheild the injured inner child
lies are discovered and person is further abused
person lies more but more uniformly
some lies are still discovered and person is further abused
person lies more and lies are all encompassing
all the while the abuse disolves more and more of the self seteeme making person lie more and more
This downward spiral only stops with compassion.
You need to find a therapist who knows about childhood trauma and who is very compassionate who can help build your self esteeme in a safe relationship.

The best way for someone to deal with a person who lies like you and caught you lying is to say, "you said such and such, I hope you can learn to trust me to where you dont feel you need to lie to me to be safe."

pm me if you feel you need to talk privately,

Jojo

sorry for the repost....jojo

I don't lie or cheat, pay too big a price in the guilt and worry after the fact, already have enough of that stuff!

My experience with those that lie all the time is that it comes from a need or desire to continuously manipulate people and situations, based on fear, which can be fear of all kinds of things: being hurt, losing someone or something, ego needs to feel important while not really believing oneself of much value.

My prohibitions about lying were set aside when I was manipulating people who were the most horrid bunch of gossips (another thread), and I accomplished it by telling "stories" that were incomplete, or slightly varied from the truth, but still I felt like crap, and had enormous disdain for the people I was interacting with by the time these events occurred, and then just left that bunch (and town) behind.
Small town with three times as many churches as businesses, hmmmmm

Oh, and once someone has lied to me, they drop several notches, and I am on guard with them about everything else. I have pointed it out to some people in the past, that they said this, and it was actually that, but I have found that it just enables people to get better at lying.
A few lies and then I have to be done with them.

Its very rare for me to lie. The only types of "lies" I do is sarcasm (if you can call that lying) and sometimes exaggerate. 99% of the time I tell the truth because I think lying can send you down into hell. Honesty is one of the best qualities someone can have.