Kiley wrote:
If you want friends you've got to find ways to connect and stay connected with people. Don't worry about trying to act like an NT, just try to find ways that work for you.
angelbear wrote:
I am NT, and I can say that there are varying degrees of friendship.
Just keep pursuing your interests, and work on being a good friend yourself, and I think you will find a friend.
I appreciate the kindness and thoughtfulness with which these thoughts are being offered. My response is meant in no way to disparage the good intentions of the posters. However, for Aspies, this will not work.
I'm in my 40s myself, and I know from my experience that what I lack is the ability to understand and implement the subtleties that go into creating a friendship. I can do the surface stuff to some extent, like carry on a conversation, provided the other person is animated enough to do most of the heavy lifting (otherwise I will run out of things to say and the conversation will drop like a stone), and even make jokes and laugh etc. To an outside observer, I might look like I'm having a pleasant exchange with another person or even with a small group. But I am not in fact connecting with the people I am talking to. I simply don't know how that's done or how to do it. With NTs this comes naturally when they're with someone who "clicks". To me it's a mysterious brick wall that I have no idea how to breach.
When I was a kid I sometimes had one close friend, but that's because kids have this guileless way sometimes of just accepting someone who wanders into their life, and you are suddenly officially "best friends." Adults do not accept a strange person who turns up at their house every few days like 8 year olds sometimes will. (That is somewhat acceptable if you are wooing a romantic partner, which is why I have a bf, but no close friends.)
06 Jun 2010, 2:01 pm
