Women who have aspergers: A non-issue for them

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To add a positive note: I'm female, 30, aspie, and I far prefer dating aspie guys (assuming that you don't have the kind of additional issues that this guy seems to have). Anyone else prefer aspie/aspie relationships or am I alone here?

I am also female, not AS but NLD, and the only guy I have dated had AS. I see myself in the future with either an Aspie or a guy with at least Aspie tendencies, since I find myself most comfortable with Aspies and Aspie-type people. But to echo Wuffles and others in this thread, I would not want to date a guy who has the attitudes towards women that the OP has displayed.

Im not so sure I qualify here I am technicly NT my aspie score is 116/103 I just seem to have a ton of aspie traits . My husband is total aspie and I certainly would not go back to an NT if anything happened to him . I am willing to bet you are not alone either . My other long term relationship was with an NT .. never again ! Its so much easier to have a relationship with someone who understands at least part of where you are coming from .

I wouldn't mind autistic or nonautistic, it really depends on the person. Easier to get along with disabled people in general (as friends) because there are so many issues of able-bodied privilege with nondisabled people, and that might extend into romantic relationships but I don't know because I haven't really had any.

I do have trouble finding romantic relationships because of being autistic, because I don't get out much and when I do I often don't focus on new people. But I am not desperate either, and don't flip out about the fact that I'm not in a relationship. If it happens it will happen, if it doesn't happen it won't, that's all there is to it. I assume that if it happens it will be through a friendship that changes into a romantic relationship, or something like that, rather than seeking out a relationship for its own sake. Which means it's more likely that if such a relationship happens it will be with an autistic person, or a different sort of developmentally disabled person, because those are most of the people I interact with regularly. Possibly some other sort of disabled person too. Most of the nondisabled people I know are support staff and even they are often not actually nondisabled. I can easily see a relationship with a nondisabled person working, I just don't know many and there are often issues to work through before we can get close, it'd have to be a pretty unusual person who was aware of all the little differences and did their best not to stomp all over them. But I have a cognitive doppelganger (er, that's my term for it anyway, mentally we're so similar that it's uncanny) who has a mostly-non-disabled boyfriend who is really cool, so it can happen obviously.

Another self proclaimed nice guy going on about how we have it so much better

I've had nothing but rotten luck with being happy with someone and I'm an aspie female. I also agree that you have non aspergers related underlying problems.

I think a shy Aspie girl might have more luck attracting guys but she would still face the same problems in maintaining a relationship and letting someone into her world. I was a good-looking girl and attracted a lot of attention but wasn't able to maintain relationships - problems socialising contributed but there were many reasons.

I'm approaching the invisible stage at 42 but instead of developing my social skills and finding it easier to maintain relationships I haven't moved on.

I was vulnerable to abusive relationships. Married someone who wanted a passport, got involved with someone else who used my identity for fraud - I have learned from that luckily! When I was a teenager experienced an attempted rape and my first boyfriend beat me black and blue.

Some people seem to find it easier than others - maybe it's to do with confidence or self esteem like someone else suggested.

this was a troll, don't dignify it. drop it.

That is f*****g sick. I know of one aspie guy who thinks women "owe" him and NT women especially deserve to be demeened because of it. I blocked him on MSN btw. That sort of bullsh*t attitude not only means you won't get a date.. but also lose potential friends.

I thought trolling was about people looking to hook up for the night ?? does it also mean just pushing buttons and watching the froth ? Is that right ?

now I feel stupid !

I think you are projecting your own abilities onto others who conditions might be quite different (AS affects us all differently).

Getting hit with autism is like bowling: sometimes its a strike (low functioning) while for others it leaves different pins up.

In my case I have never had any problems with employment and have had 6 jobs that have lasted longer than 1 year (longest one was 5 years at the same job). I have never been bullied at work or fired, and I have left every job voluntarily. I cringe when I reads posts from people saying that they have had 30 jobs in 10 years and can never sustain employment even at the lowest rung of fast food employment.

However relationship success eludes me just like the OP, and I can't imagine how you pulled off your successes just like I can't imagine why it is so hard for some to stay employed.

Yeah, I have to agree that it's not just a self-fulfilling prophecy. I know plenty of autistic people, men and women, who can't flirt and didn't know they were autistic until after they started having trouble with it. In fact, sometimes that aspect was part of why they sought a diagnosis. Many of them resorted to things like personal ads in newspapers, and even still couldn't keep a long-term relationship out of it (and some of them met quite dangerous people in the process -- a common problem for autistic people trying to date, in that often dangerous people pick up on our social problems and hone in on us as vulnerable).

But one thing for certain is that having an attitude of entitlement, or of desperation, does not help a person get women to like them. In fact, it's best not even approaching it as "getting women to like you", which can get quite manipulative (some guys do it, but that "pickup artist" stuff is slimy and disgusting). Another certain thing is that if your sexual frustration gets so bad that you're extremely depressed about it, you really need to rethink your priorities. It really is possible to be happy with oneself and at the same time not be dating anyone.

I didn't think the original post was a troll (and still don't really), because I have heard these sentiments from a lot of autistic guys. Not that I agree with all the guy's assumptions about the world, but it didn't strike me as deliberately trying to manipulate people into responding.

You seem to have a HUGE issue with Women. I'm doubting that it's your AS alone contributing to these problems forming a relationship. I'm thinking it's the fact that you don't have a good view of women AND seem to have a lot of blaming issues with females.

As well, I'm not trying to 'blame you' What I want to say, though, is that you've made a rashly generalized statement that AS women have no problem with relationships and have men flocking to them. Thing is, that's grossly unrealistic and makes it appear that you've placed women as a 'collective' and assumed that they are the reason you're not happy. I understand that things can be difficult, I've had extreme issues with relationships of many different types and doubt I'll ever be in one which would last a long time, but the fact that others are pointing out possible other things associated with these problems is moreless helpful. Wouldn't you rather know the opinions others have on your situation? Isn't that why you posted in the forums in the first place?

I wonder who is then? The boogie man?



You sound to me like a complete jerk after reading your posts in here. "good, nice guy"?? You're deluded.

Women don't HAVE to date you. No-one HAS to date anyone. I've been rejected. They've been rejected. WE ALL GET REJECTED. The reason douche bags get women? Because they pick themselves up after each rejection and keep trying, not sit around hating women on a message board all butt-hurt.

Theres your difference.

If anyone IRL tried to tell me that my life was easy just because I was female and that I had no problems in social interactions/relationships just because of being female and reasonably attractive, I would break their nose. Just saying...

I'm similar.. I wouldn't break their nose, but I would be extremely furious.

Probably not a troll - I've heard this same sentiment here and elsewhere enough times to where it's started to really piss me off. It reduces women to being a computer-like object, where you perform the right amount of inputs (dinner, movies, being "nice," etc.) and get sex or companionship as the output, and if that doesn't happen - it's the woman's fault for being a faulty machine, and nothing to do with them being misogynist jerks.


Agreed.