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Verbal Expressions That You Don't Get

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Clyde
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03 Sep 2010, 4:56 pm

This is an idiom I absolutely absolutely despise:

"Tail wagging the dog"



greenturtle74
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03 Sep 2010, 6:06 pm

"Please advise."

This is more a written one than verbal, but it's a pet peeve of mine. Usually closes an email, after the writer has already indicated they're awaiting a response from me. It's like adding an unnecessary layer of formality, or even subtle hostility, as I read it. "Advise?" What are we, senior members of the Cabinet? I advise you that our meeting is at 9:30, not 9, and that it is your turn to bring the doughnuts.



bee33
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03 Sep 2010, 9:47 pm

I've always had trouble with "people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones."

Does it mean that if you're vulnerable you shouldn't go on the attack? (If you were to throw a stone at someone, they could easily get you back because they could see you standing in your glass house with nowhere to hide.)

Or is it saying that if you were to throw a stone randomly while you are in your glass house, you would break your own house. But who would do that? And how would that apply to a real circumstance?

I'm confusing myself even writing this...



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03 Sep 2010, 10:10 pm

bee33 wrote:
I've always had trouble with "people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones."

Does it mean that if you're vulnerable you shouldn't go on the attack? (If you were to throw a stone at someone, they could easily get you back because they could see you standing in your glass house with nowhere to hide.)

Or is it saying that if you were to throw a stone randomly while you are in your glass house, you would break your own house. But who would do that? And how would that apply to a real circumstance?

I'm confusing myself even writing this...


I've always understood it as a warning against hypocrisy. Criticizing someone for a flaw that you share is as dangerous as throwing a stone in a glass house.

Please advise is something I use regularly because of where I work. It never bothers me though, I prefer a level of formality in these settings. I don't think it's appropriate in a non-professional setting (unless it's in jest).

I hate "on the same page" and "touch base" also - the visuals are annoying. Oh, and giving something time to gel. Eew.



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04 Sep 2010, 3:20 pm

Clyde wrote:
This is an idiom I absolutely absolutely despise:

"Tail wagging the dog"


What does this mean? I have no idea....in fact, I don´t think I´ve heard it before. Please advise (ha ha).


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Clyde
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04 Sep 2010, 3:24 pm

Morgana wrote:
Clyde wrote:
This is an idiom I absolutely absolutely despise:

"Tail wagging the dog"


What does this mean? I have no idea....in fact, I don´t think I´ve heard it before. Please advise (ha ha).


"The expression comes from the saying that 'a dog is smarter than its tail', but if the tail were smarter, then the tail would 'wag the dog'."

But I still hate the expression. I hate the way it sounds, I hate the way it looks. I just don't like that expression and will never understand it.



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04 Sep 2010, 4:45 pm

Clyde wrote:
"The expression comes from the saying that 'a dog is smarter than its tail', but if the tail were smarter, then the tail would 'wag the dog'."


This makes no sense to me. Why would one part of the dog be of greater intelligence than another part? Isn´t the "whole dog" smart? I have no idea how this expression would be used in conversation, or in what context.

:shrug:


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04 Sep 2010, 5:10 pm

hartzofspace wrote:
Morgana wrote:
mysassyself wrote:
Being told that 'others are going through this too' or phrases with any similar implications annoys the heck out of me


Oh, that annoys me too! First off, no one else really knows what I´m "going through" anyway, and just the knowledge of someone else experiencing something similar doesn´t automatically make me feel better.

Yes, this is one of my top ones to dislike; this inference that it is important or meaningful to me, to hear this. I usually feel minimized, if anything. For instance: If I am puking my guts out, should I feel better because somebody tells me that my next door neighbor is puking her guts out, too? :? :x


i finally cornered my therapist about this one, after being angered all my life by similar statements (recent examples: "lots of people have chemical sensitivities" and "it's normal to have trouble with eye contact, especially in the therapist's office"). she explained that saying someone's problems are small is supposed to make them feel like they're small. (or maybe being told "you're just like everyone else" is supposed to be comforting?)

so there you go - i guess that's the NT explanation. i find it invalidating, like apparently i need to scream to be heard.


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Morgana
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04 Sep 2010, 5:31 pm

katzefrau wrote:
(or maybe being told "you're just like everyone else" is supposed to be comforting?)
so there you go - i guess that's the NT explanation.


Yeah, I guess maybe that *would* make an NT feel better..... :lol:

katzefrau wrote:
i find it invalidating


ME TOO! This is why I dislike it so much. And then I feel even worse for not being able to "snap out of" whatever it is I´m feeling.


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katzefrau
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04 Sep 2010, 6:56 pm

Morgana wrote:
katzefrau wrote:
i find it invalidating


ME TOO! This is why I dislike it so much. And then I feel even worse for not being able to "snap out of" whatever it is I´m feeling.


yes. it's similar to "snap out of it."

it implies your problems are a result of failing to try hard enough to overcome them.


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05 Sep 2010, 11:20 am

MotherKnowsBest wrote:
Pseudeos wrote:
"Hook up". NT teens seem to frequently say this, but I still don't know what it means..


It means connect to communicate ie meet up, ring each other, msn. I think it comes from when the phone operators had to hook you up to the person you were calling.

That is the older sense of the expression, which is the one more commonly used by people older than maybe 35 or 40. The more contemporary sense, at least among younger people, is to have some kind of (usually casual) sexual encounter. But it doesn't necessarily imply sexual intercourse. This is a useful and concise expression in a society where people have a lot of casual sex but don't necessarily "go all the way."

This is perturbing when, say, my mother asks if I've hooked up with one of my friends - causing me to bug my eyes in shock briefly - but, of course, she means it in the older sense of "meet up."

Morgana wrote:
This makes no sense to me. Why would one part of the dog be of greater intelligence than another part? Isn´t the "whole dog" smart? I have no idea how this expression would be used in conversation, or in what context.

It's not that commonly used, though I think it has rather strong expressive power - anyway, the usual context is of a subordinate member of a hierarchy gaining control by exploiting some minor situation. The more I think about it the harder I find it to think of a good example.

katzefrau wrote:
i finally cornered my therapist about this one, after being angered all my life by similar statements (recent examples: "lots of people have chemical sensitivities" and "it's normal to have trouble with eye contact, especially in the therapist's office"). she explained that saying someone's problems are small is supposed to make them feel like they're small. (or maybe being told "you're just like everyone else" is supposed to be comforting?)

so there you go - i guess that's the NT explanation. i find it invalidating, like apparently i need to scream to be heard.

This is just an NT quirk, yeah. I've never really thought about it. If I'm alone, puking because I have food poisoning, I may feel in some way alone and forsaken, but if somebody comes along and says my friend is puking too, then I'm comforted by the fact that I can commiserate. (and perhaps it later becomes sort of an anecdote between us. "Remember the time we ate those kebabs and got food poisoning?" etc.)



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05 Sep 2010, 12:48 pm

If this counts, rap. Oh, and most pickup lines confuse me, as does modern slang.



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05 Sep 2010, 1:10 pm

dunomapuka wrote:
katzefrau wrote:
i finally cornered my therapist about this one, after being angered all my life by similar statements (recent examples: "lots of people have chemical sensitivities" and "it's normal to have trouble with eye contact, especially in the therapist's office"). she explained that saying someone's problems are small is supposed to make them feel like they're small. (or maybe being told "you're just like everyone else" is supposed to be comforting?)

so there you go - i guess that's the NT explanation. i find it invalidating, like apparently i need to scream to be heard.

This is just an NT quirk, yeah. I've never really thought about it. If I'm alone, puking because I have food poisoning, I may feel in some way alone and forsaken, but if somebody comes along and says my friend is puking too, then I'm comforted by the fact that I can commiserate. (and perhaps it later becomes sort of an anecdote between us. "Remember the time we ate those kebabs and got food poisoning?" etc.)

That makes sense. The problem is that sometimes it seems like there's an implication of "your problems aren't significant" when the reference is to "lots of people" having the same problem rather than a specific anecdote which would be more personal and meaningful.

Maybe the problem is that I don't feel I can relate to "lots of people" as I'm used to most people being very different from me. Therefore if someone says "lots of people" have the same problem with the same degree of severity as I do I tend to be skeptical. When I feel skeptical the fact that someone is trying to comfort me yet lacks a true understanding just makes me feel more isolated in my problems. The same when people give seemingly trite advice or platitudes. It only serves as another reminder that people really don't understand me.



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05 Sep 2010, 1:55 pm

marshall wrote:
Maybe the problem is that I don't feel I can relate to "lots of people" as I'm used to most people being very different from me. Therefore if someone says "lots of people" have the same problem with the same degree of severity as I do I tend to be skeptical. When I feel skeptical the fact that someone is trying to comfort me yet lacks a true understanding just makes me feel more isolated in my problems. The same when people give seemingly trite advice or platitudes. It only serves as another reminder that people really don't understand me.

That is how I feel. I feel even more alienated, when someone says that others are going through A or B, because they never understand me when I am going through something, so how will I grow antennae to understand them, all of a sudden? :?


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05 Sep 2010, 2:24 pm

marshall wrote:
The problem is that sometimes it seems like there's an implication of "your problems aren't significant" when the reference is to "lots of people" having the same problem rather than a specific anecdote which would be more personal and meaningful.


Yes, this is true. It´s particularly difficult when I can easily observe that others don´t seem to have the difficulties that I have with certain things, and yet I´m told: "but everybody has that problem".

marshall wrote:
The same when people give seemingly trite advice or platitudes. It only serves as another reminder that people really don't understand me.


I can´t stand trite advice and platitudes!! !! ! I guess those are the verbal expressions I most dislike, though they are popular, so I guess someone must like them. :roll:


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05 Sep 2010, 3:21 pm

Morgana wrote:
marshall wrote:
The problem is that sometimes it seems like there's an implication of "your problems aren't significant" when the reference is to "lots of people" having the same problem rather than a specific anecdote which would be more personal and meaningful.


Yes, this is true. It´s particularly difficult when I can easily observe that others don´t seem to have the difficulties that I have with certain things, and yet I´m told: "but everybody has that problem".

I think sometimes people really are trying to relate rather than being deliberately dismissive, and even the ones who do seem deliberately dismissive and offer platitudes are often just not that bright. Often people will say something like "I feel that way too sometimes, I think everyone does".

People also tend to project their own experiences and offer thier own personal advice when you talk about your problems. A lot of people seem to think you're expecting some kind of response, whether it's an attempt to relate or to share personal advice - even if all you really want is to be heard.

My solution is that I just don't bring those kinds of things up unless either a.) the person is very empathetic or b) I know for a fact that they have had similar struggles. In any other case it's just a recepe for hurt feelings on both sides.