I will not have children because I dont want to spead AS

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On topic.

I never wanted kids and to be honest i wouldnt want disabled kids even with something as simple as an ASD.

to your pic.

But I don't think having a kid with an ASD is simple. If it were something like juvenile diabetes, say... well, it would be hard, of course, but at least we would know what the right things to do were, pretty much. Living with the uncertainty of never knowing if we're doing the right things and helping our son in the right way is very stressful. And that's with a kid who can actually communicate. I hate to think how in the dark we'd be if he couldn't.

Having a child is awesome, though. (For those who want them.) They're funny. They show you the world in new ways. They make simple things special. You see yourself in new ways through them. You love them.

i am non-autistic, so i never contemplated whether my kids would end up on the spectrum. i have my own quirks, but i just figured that if i could deal with them, so could my children if they had them. we didnt know my SO was autistic until we already had kids, so it wasnt a choice for him either. having kids is a crap shoot anyway, you never know what you will end up with.

but as an NT with at least one diagnosed asd child, i am not regretful in any way for having my son. he is who he is. he is the most beautiful of all my children. he makes me laugh and smile every single day. ironically, he is the only one of my children that was a planned conception, the others were surprises. i guess i planned well with him since i wouldnt want him any other way.

raising an asd child isnt a walk in the park by any means, but very few children are easy. generally each child offers its own difficulties. even my completely NT son creates difficulties for us that eclipse some of his autistic brothers issues. the sports and activities calendar of a social butterfly child is a nightmare for two non-social parents! and dont get me started on his need to have friends over all the time, which creates problems for the autistics in the house who feel their space is being invaded.

as for whether you'd have children if you could guarantee they were NT and not autistic.... i guess that really depends on your definition of NT, doesnt it? for most it means non-autistic, and there are a LOT worse things in this world your child could be afflicted with than autism. your child could end up with a fatal disease or genetic defect, but hey, at least they arent autistic, right?

(that was sarcasm by the way, for you literal thinkers out there =P)

On the subject of Asperger's and raising kids, it is too early for me to tell. My family does not have Aspergers down the line as such, but there is a very strong history of Depressive Disorder on my Mother's side, and there are a couple of cousins on both sides with cognitive delay - but its a family secret. Hush! Hush! Sad.

At the foreseeable future, I would be unable to look after a child(ren). I'm too much into myself ( HA HA HA - that is to say, I can BARELY look after myself properly). From what I've read, children need lots of kisses and cuddles and "I Love You's", some praise from time to time and effective discipline; be washed, groomed, clothed, vaccinated and treated for illnesses at random times; a clean and tidy home and good food, education and exercise. These are things for which I would be be unable to do satisfactorily at the present.

Having a girlfriend is out of the question for me as well; I don't have the financial or emotional capital, and without a Mommy around, it would make life a bit tough for these hypothetical kids.

As to whether I have children in the distant future, time will tell.

What I do know is that there are genuine reasons why many auties and aspies cannot or choose not to have children. As for the kids inheriting autism from their biological parents; unless there is a strong history of ASD in the family, I don't believe that there is much to worry about. The main concern really is how the parent with ASD is able to effectively raise his/their children - a moral conundrum similar to the plot of "I AM SAM", without getting into too much dumb-ass hyperbole.

I totally agree, and this is the primary reason we only have the one. Finding the patience and energy to be a good mom to just him kicks my ass and I could never manage without an incredibly helpful and supportive partner.

And when people, like my therapist, tell me the things I should be doing to help him get socialized, I just want to scream. Talk about the blind leading the blind! I try, I really do, but having to entertain another mom during playdates is absolute murder for me. And large groups of children intimidate, if not terrify, me.

So what? I think you're over analyzing.

CockneyRebel only picked it for the title. Trying to educate her about 60's Brit rock is like preaching Catholicism to the Pope.

I refuse to endure the poverty alone - if the NT's refuse to employ me I can always start a baby factory and let them pay for it! Parenting is a fullfiling carreer. Also breeding a larger funding group of autistics would improve services for all of us. I also encourage what I am calling experiential learning - take a crow bar, find an NT and help them to better understand what it feels like to have a brain that doesn't work right[i] - what ever it takes right

It's comical how you assume that autistic parents can only have autistic children.

If I had an NT child I would accept them and hope they had everything they deserved out of life, I just recognise that an autistic child would be the ideal - more desirable pregnancy outcome.

If I had an NT child I would have to work really hard to help them develope honest and a rational mind, it would be so much more work! They are so emotianally demanding and have so little identity of their own. It would be very important to ensure they had a group from which to derive a sense of identity - poor little herd monkey

While I do not agree at all with the OP, this is not at all helpful.

I don't assume that autistic parents can only have autistic children, I assume that autistic people have a responsibility to the improvement of the human genetic and that autistic children should be desirable above all else.

Wanting to raise chidlren isn't selfish!It's one of the most selfless and generous things you can do! I think more people (regardless of their genes) should adopt because I think that there are too many children stuck in the care system and they need to be brought up in a stable home. However, if aspies decide to have their own kids (whther or not their children end up having the disability) they have every right to. If they end up with autistic kids, then so bleeding well what? That child isn't necessarily going to suffer just because they're autistic. Also, what if that NT child ends up suffering anyway? How do you know what will ahppen to that child? You don't know, that's what! And chances are that your sister will end up with an AS child (they share your genes afterall and are probably a carrier).

I'm sorry, but an awful thing to say about others!

topic

My children are fine, thanks. They have their owns minds and ideas. Being NT is not as cut and dried as you describe.

Good taste in music, mechanicalgirl39.

Unfortunately it's not trivial to change country usually, unless you're rich. There's everything from language barriers to that you're normally required to get a job in your target country before you're allowed to move there.



This is a good point, and in a different world, I'd be thinking of looking into adoption in couple of years or so - I'd like to raise a kid, and I don't even like babies, and I'd have no problem with the majority ethnicity here. But here, even married, young, middle class couples adopting a disabled child have to jump through all sorts of hoops. The chances of a weird single male being allowed to adopt - well, I'll tell you how it goes ice-skating in Hell. Couples have, however, more opportunities.

No raising NT's is not so cut and dried, they are very complex socially - they are at greater risk for social problems like gangs and drugs and unplanned pregnancies . . . oi vey!

and they need churches to help them feel safe and give them a sense of group identity (belonging)

and they need to feel validated by being included in every stupid fad - Aspie children dress so practically and tend to understand frugality!

I just think raising aspie kids would be so much more fullfilling and rewarding, I feel sorry for those poor moms streatched to them max chasing after every extracuricular activity, driving kids to sleep over parties, blah blah blah.

I am hoping for nice quiet independant smart little aspie kids (like their PDD parents)
who don`t need a billion little whiny and vicious NT freinds who will then turn on them and send them home crying.

@ninzot topic

Have fun in your cut and dried life.
EDIT: My reply got buried in the poster's self promotion. Now it is free.

Last edited by sartresue on 19 Sep 2010, 6:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.