24 Sep 2010, 1:28 pm
Jaydee wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Morgana wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
I do relate to what Robinson says about his wife falling and not being hurt. Why show concern if she isn't hurt? Why make a fuss about it? She is okay, move on. I don't think that is rude and inconsiderate at all.
Yes, I´m having trouble understanding exactly why this is considered rude. What was he supposed to have done?
I think they make a huge fuss about it and a big deal while she keeps saying she is okay I'm guessing.
I get very annoyed when people fuss over me when I say I am okay. Seesh don't they listen? I just want to snap at them to get them to leave me alone because I figure if I get bitchy, they won't want to deal with me so they leave me alone. Maybe people love being fussed over when they fall?
To me, an "expressionless" look on my aspie friend's face if I should fall, will not seem rude, because I know he cares about me. However, you cannot know that a person has AS by looking at him/her, and a seemingly uncaring glance will then be judged as callous or cynical by many people.
So do people say they are fine when they really aren't?
Why would someone lie about being fine if they aren't fine? Could it be because they may not realize they are hurt or they think they will be fine? So NTs fuss over it anyway just in case?
So if my friend falls or my loved one, anyone I am with, I should offer to help them off the ground even if they say they are fine? What if they said they were fine and they can get up themselves? Do I keep trying to help them of the ground ignoring what they say?
I wouldn't know how to react in these situations except asking if they are okay and then ignoring them when they say they are fine.
24 Sep 2010, 1:57 pm
24 Sep 2010, 2:03 pm
24 Sep 2010, 4:16 pm
24 Sep 2010, 9:50 pm
flyingkittycat wrote:
Something I noticed about dialect. I'll hear someone say "Not meaning to be rude but...." Then the person says something that is insulting. Is that some strange way of getting out of trouble for being rude? If so, does it really work? It doesn't work on me when someone else tries to say it to me because I usually call the person out but maybe can try it. Everything I say for now on will start off with "Not trying to be rude but..." Even when saying hello.
"Not meaning to be rude but...." really irritates me, but I try not to let it, because I know someone who does it a lot. It seems to be because she is unsure how critical of others it is acceptable to be, yet she really wants to express herself. I think she is very sensitive to negative reactions, so it's a self-protective measure, just in case. The things that she says are usually valid comments. However I think many people do it in order to be downright offensive.
In conversation, I do the opposite, and it can be quite successful. I pre-warn people about things which make sense to me, but might bother them, by saying "This might sound rude / offensive / bizarre / outlandish etc", then I pause slightly and launch my idea. I've found that people listen better, and don't tend to 'react', except sometimes with a slight laugh, which I think might be a hint of relief that they were warned.
I also say things such as "You may find this strange, but listen first."
24 Sep 2010, 11:29 pm
24 Sep 2010, 11:43 pm
Dnuos wrote:
I disagree with the stereotype completely. I find myself as being "too considerate". I value kindness even too much. The "rude and inconsiderate" stereotype doesn't align with me 1%. If I am rude, I don't try to be. Really, unless I'm attacked or there is a legit reason for me to raise my voice, I'm too nice to others. I'm incredibly passive, which is a fault on my part, but I usually avoid saying anything or doing anything that would offend anyone, unless I'm 100% sure that I know the person well enough that he/she would be fine for it, in comical purposes.
I like to think I've adapted to much of a peaceful mindset. "Angelic" would probably be too much, but I would definitely be a "Hippie" if this were the 60's. We should all just get along!
I've done numerous activities that involve helping the community and others in need, helping others is one of the things that makes me happy in life.
I like to think I've adapted to much of a peaceful mindset. "Angelic" would probably be too much, but I would definitely be a "Hippie" if this were the 60's. We should all just get along!
I've done numerous activities that involve helping the community and others in need, helping others is one of the things that makes me happy in life.
This is how I see myself and relate to this well. It's uncanny too consider where I came from. As I have aged and gotten older, I am less caring or sensitive to others however, namely around people, but still very much in regard to animals. That is the essence of me. Life or people have toughened me up a little bit, but not that much really. I will never completely grow to be the way they are, no matter what. I have rarely seen anyone with that nature or spirit.
Claire_Louise
Blue Jay
Joined: 30 Aug 2010
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 99
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
25 Sep 2010, 12:33 am
25 Sep 2010, 12:12 pm
ill tell a small story related to that..me and my friend were at store while my friend trowed up an idea:what would happen if all customers would take up one item and run away and i said :it would probably be kinda like who is afraid of black man game after that i spottet there was black man in line 
we were laugthing so hard
25 Sep 2010, 1:00 pm
26 Sep 2010, 3:42 pm
Jaydee wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Morgana wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
I do relate to what Robinson says about his wife falling and not being hurt. Why show concern if she isn't hurt? Why make a fuss about it? She is okay, move on. I don't think that is rude and inconsiderate at all.
Yes, I´m having trouble understanding exactly why this is considered rude. What was he supposed to have done?
I think they make a huge fuss about it and a big deal while she keeps saying she is okay I'm guessing.
I get very annoyed when people fuss over me when I say I am okay. Seesh don't they listen? I just want to snap at them to get them to leave me alone because I figure if I get bitchy, they won't want to deal with me so they leave me alone. Maybe people love being fussed over when they fall?
To me, an "expressionless" look on my aspie friend's face if I should fall, will not seem rude, because I know he cares about me. However, you cannot know that a person has AS by looking at him/her, and a seemingly uncaring glance will then be judged as callous or cynical by many people.
However, in the article the man DID ask the woman if she was okay, and she said she was, so that was that. Why wasn´t this perceived as empathy??? This is exactly what I would do; if someone fell, and I asked if they were okay and they said yes, I´d just say "okay", or "good" or something, and move on. That´s why it was unclear to me why that wasn´t enough??? When I´ve fallen, I don´t remember people ever making fusses over me! Why do I have to do it *more* to them?
Also, it would not have occurred to me that falling might be "embarrassing", and that people might need empathy over that! If I fell and wasn´t hurt, I´d most likely laugh at myself. After all, it happens to all of us at one time or another.
26 Sep 2010, 4:03 pm
27 Sep 2010, 12:17 pm
CockneyRebel
Veteran
Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 116,882
Location: In my little Olympic World of peace and love
27 Sep 2010, 12:32 pm
27 Sep 2010, 1:05 pm
27 Sep 2010, 4:22 pm
League_Girl wrote:
Jaydee wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Morgana wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
I do relate to what Robinson says about his wife falling and not being hurt. Why show concern if she isn't hurt? Why make a fuss about it? She is okay, move on. I don't think that is rude and inconsiderate at all.
Yes, I´m having trouble understanding exactly why this is considered rude. What was he supposed to have done?
I think they make a huge fuss about it and a big deal while she keeps saying she is okay I'm guessing.
I get very annoyed when people fuss over me when I say I am okay. Seesh don't they listen? I just want to snap at them to get them to leave me alone because I figure if I get bitchy, they won't want to deal with me so they leave me alone. Maybe people love being fussed over when they fall?
To me, an "expressionless" look on my aspie friend's face if I should fall, will not seem rude, because I know he cares about me. However, you cannot know that a person has AS by looking at him/her, and a seemingly uncaring glance will then be judged as callous or cynical by many people.
So do people say they are fine when they really aren't?
Why would someone lie about being fine if they aren't fine? Could it be because they may not realize they are hurt or they think they will be fine? So NTs fuss over it anyway just in case?
So if my friend falls or my loved one, anyone I am with, I should offer to help them off the ground even if they say they are fine? What if they said they were fine and they can get up themselves? Do I keep trying to help them of the ground ignoring what they say?
I wouldn't know how to react in these situations except asking if they are okay and then ignoring them when they say they are fine.
And yes, an NT would expect another person to more or less insist on helping a fallen person get up on their feet, even if they say they are fine. However, if the person clearly and firmly, and without laughing/smiling, says: "Don't help me", he would be left alone physically, but would still be given worried looks and questions like: "Are you sure you're fine?" Insisting on asking and trying to help is extremely common among NTs from around the world. It's a little bit like the insisting on serving too many helpings of dinner in many cultures, or insisting on serving food at all, even if the guest declines at first (he is expected to decline, at least once). The host won't take no for an answer. Interesting communication. Words are not the only way we can communicate.
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