Why do NT people not tell you how they feel?

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Sometimes I wonder if people just think you are pretending you don't understand. I mean you can ask someone what did you ever do wrong to them that made them not like you or be mad at you and they don't tell you. I was told by one of my aspie friends it's because they expect you to know. Gee look who lacks TOM? And they say we lack it. I think both parties lack it and sometimes I feel I have a better TOM than others.

People love to twist your words around I see. You say something but yet it means something else to them. Do they do it on purpose or is it how their minds really work?

Sometimes with me people can say something and I can think they implied something even though they didn't say it but it looked that way so it doesn't hurt to ask. But it seems like some would get offended by you asking. Gee would they rather have a misunderstanding?
Maybe this is how it is with NTs, things always imply something you say so they twist your words around unintentionally. Sometimes I swear they do it on purpose just so they get offended and have something to hold against you about and pick on you about. If I think I was clear enough and it still got taken out of context, I think it was done intentionally because they wanted to target me and be the victim and be mean. Why do they do that?

I have been told online I make rude comments and I have no idea what rude comments I have made so now I am realizing maybe I wasn't making rude comments, the person was just taking them out of context because I was saying things that imply something else so the person took it as rude. Even if they do know I am saying what I exactly mean, they still think it's rude because of what the words are implying but they don't take it personal because they know I don't mean it. My husband for example, he has told me lot of things I say he would be offended by if they were said by someone else or if he didn't know me.

Yeah people suck.

@ katzefrau, I completely agree with you that we have to meet halfway. I also agree with you that sometimes it is not practical to explain to everybody you meet that you may not get what they are trying to communicate to you. However, I feel very strongly that in close relationships it should be disclosed because not knowing it renders communication on a deeper level practically impossible and causes a great deal of pain to both parties involved. I was with a man that I figured out after we broke up he is very likley an Aspie (I put the pieces of the puzzle together). I cared deeply about him and liked him a lot (still do), still all the time we were together I did not feel treated very well. If I had known I would have been able to work on a way to communicate with him that was more effective and I would have taken some of the things he did in a different way. There is a big difference between not wanting to do certain things and finding these things challenging.

Well, in the context of ordering a meal and having it brought to you, I don't think it means anything. In this context, it reflects upon the restaurant, especially with two people as close and mother and child who would expect to be able to make familiar comments to one another. In a buffet or other situation in which the person has loaded their own plate, possibly, it could reflect badly if the person took a huge amount of food. In the restaurant scenario, it may be a common reference to the fact that a lot of restaurants are making meals ridiculously huge (they are) and I've often heard comments of that sort as we marvel at how much they think we want in a meal. But yeah, if someone has a plate and are told they have a lot of food on their plate, the implication is "you sure took a lot of food" not that the party seems to have a pretty good spread. A better way of making the point would be to say that the food looks great and that you are going to get some too.

Well, I would just say people in general, not just NT's that hide how they feel because I often do that and it's actually not a good thing and it would all just bottle up to the point where it would lead to more anger and frustration and the feeling wouldn't be pleasant and can become very depressing.

But also people hide their feelings for insecurity, they want to polite or whatever?

Nobody really told me how they really felt but I was always able to pick up if they weren't feeling themselves.

That's interesting. Gestures like this make me uncomfortable because they don't create any emotion in me and I feel guilty for not being able to produce the desired response (which I suppose is an improvement over when I was younger, and would simply become annoyed with people for expecting me to display set emotional responses).

Thankfully, though, the people in my life have mostly all been there long enough to know how I am. My mother seemed to love the last birthday card I gave her. It was accompanying a gift, and it didn't even occur to me that the note would be compared to the "proper" cards other people gave her. I just gave her a gift and torn scrap of paper saying "Happy birthday! Love, [Kaybee]."

I don't think the percentages mean anything real, in fact I think there'd be a problem counting it all up (how do you weight it? How do you know you've included everything in the experiment?). It would be great to have an objective answer to the question "which is more important in normal human communication, the verbal or nonverbal component?" I don't know, but I suspect that the nonverbal part would win. I think nonverbal is the oldest part as far as the brain is concerned, I think nonverbal stuff would be deeply "buried" in the NT psyche, who would find it hard to divert from.

It seems that when the words say one thing and the body says another, the NT observer tends to believe the body, and I doubt whether that process is entirely under the conscious control of the NT. But humans are learning animals, and the ones who understand autism will have (hopefully) adjusted their sensors to communicate with us better. We can help the process along by studying our own nonverbal output and modifying it, though it's not often easy and there's too much material for anybody who doesn't want to make it a special interest.

Because we are brought up in a social setting that promotes playing "the game."

That game is pointless but let them play it. Anyone who does with me will find I can play back hard and ignore any negative outcomes, so I have my way of dealing with it