Asperger Meltdowns

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It's funny, I usually skip the meltdown posts because I never really categorized any of my behavior that way. After reading some of these posts, I've realized that I guess I do have meltdowns sometimes, but they're outwardly pretty mild. Whenever I've reached my limit, I'll seek out some alone time and as soon as I'm away from any distraction it starts. I basically re-live random social faux pas I've made. It's really odd, they can be things that happened years ago, that I'm sure the other people involved don't even remember, but I sit there going through them word for word, realizing where all my mistakes were and dwelling on them. It's sounds really trivial, but I can feel how stupid I must have looked, or how rude I was, etc. It's almost like I'm being haunted by social situations lol.

I probably didn't word it very well, but does anyone else get this?

I have problems with that too, but people don't generally bug me about it on foot. It's when I'm driving that I have the problem. Because I will not pull out into traffic until it's totally clear, but it seems like everyone else wants me to pull out without thinking and they start honking at me. This only makes it worse because then I totally freeze up and start screaming at them instead of looking for the road to clear. Ugh, people are jerks.

I've been diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorder and I think that what you are describing here is kinda borderline pd, at least what its like for me. I'm able to control my emotion well half the time (meaning i'll be able to ignore any sad or funny things at will and be like a robot) ....but when too much pressure, anxiety from noise/too many ppl/cross chatter and temp pile up I lose it and go into a angry rage where I want to lash out at people and get frustrated with everybody and everything. I'll either be openly hostile and irritable or just isolate myself until I can calm down. this happens pretty often for me- 2 to 4 times on an average week i'd say. I',m starting to think that my inability to control my emotions (its a BPD criteria) is more of this meltdown type than emotional dysregulation caused by trauma ( though I do have emotional trauma). this is probably why there is a misdiagnosis between the two conditions and that they are co-morbid sometimes.

..damn this actually explains why I breakdown so often ..i have a double whammy of the aspie meltdown in addition to BPD sensitivity to any sign of critisism/rejection and the perception that i can't do a lot of things like NTs...because I cant

Ok, I kept the previous quotes for anyone who may want to refer to the specific quotes tangomike was working from. My reply is directed to tm:

I think you make a valid point in re: your irritability May be due to sensory/processing differences. As an AS, I have read that I process slowly. I have to rethink that. I always thought I was a quick thinker blah blah blah. What I have learned is that I don't process what is going on. I just make socially accepted responses at the time. My processing happens slowly. I need time and less distraction to 'get it'.

My husband and I struggled with whether or not I and some others in my family have BPD, but since we learned about Asperger's (with a helpful suggestion from my g'daughter's psychologist), we know it is autism, in the case of our 9-year old g'daughter and I ... and, as I said, some others in my family.

I too have emotional trauma and think I may have some PTSD, but those issues I can and have work(ed) on. The other sensory and processing style issues fit Asperger's. My husband is relieved (he is a very intelligent NT) and with his understanding we are changing our communications style, and rethinking the social interactions we set up for me and our g'daughter.

The relief in our home is palpable. But, to those of you who are following this thread, it is a daily effort. Yesterday was crappy and with my slow processing I have wonderful hindsight. Too bad life doesn't happen at my processing speed. lolololol

Meltdowns still occur.

Wow. Very interesting. So many similarities. So wild to find this whole world of people like me.

I am still new to a lot of the information, terms, etc., so please excuse my misdefinitions.
I had classified my issues as: tantrum, meltdown, shutdown.

Shutdown.. when I feel indifferent, but unable to extract from a situation, typically social, or too demanding emotionally or sensorially.
Tantrum and meltdown.. similar. A tantrum is an explosion for me, while a meltdown is an implosion, with resulting "scatter," maybe similar to a super nova, type II? A tantrum for me is when anxiety/frustrations/sensory input builds to a point that feels like.. bursting. I have never, and do not think I would ever, hurt someone intentionally or directly as a result of this. I just need to smash something, throw something, scream, flail, etc. Something.

A meltdown is different, sort of. For me it is sort of like a tantrum that goes the other way, and I begin smashing stuff inside me. Then it begins to compress, I feel similar to when I shut down, but there is far too much pent up, boiling, screaming.. something. Before a meltdown occurs, I am aware. And then there must be moments of something, but I have no idea what happens, as I "blank" over these retrospectively. The cause(s) will be similar in each case of tantrum, shutdown, or meltdown; sensory, social, violation of routine/order/logic, and only after these compound to a point I am unable to handle, whether over a short or long period. At least this is how it seems to me.

Been having them all throughout the week and seems like every few hours for the last two days. Don't even know how I am still functioning at all. Stress makes sensory problems and executive dysfunction worse. Sensory and executive issues then make stress worse. It's a vicious cycle that can ultimately only be stopped by totally removing myself from everything for a significant period of time (like, weeks). But since that's not possible, here we go again.

For me it can involve anything from crying uncontrollably to screaming and lashing out physically. I'm working hard to shift from banging my head on the wall to banging objects on the wall instead. Impressive progress, eh?

When spending time with an "unfamiliar" (not family member, so to speak) person, and I get a meltdown, I hand flap frenetically, run in circles, hum and body rock. If I'm being at home with my family, I scream, hit myself, hurt myself and run around in our flat hysterically.

It happens whenever someone mentions directions, scheduling, or something too close to linear reality. It usually happen during the day and often at places like the post office or grocery store. Too much information related to confusing topics (directions, scheduling, etc.) that I am unable to process. I break down completely because I am unable to take all the information in and mentally flip out. The world shuts down and I start screaming, breathing heavily, covering myself, etc. Sometimes I feel a desire for violence but I'm able to ignore it.

I deal well with general stress, so to speak - for instance, I was working in a bookshop over Christmas last year, and worked on Christmas Eve. I really enjoyed having to deal with hustle and bustle (i.e. absolute bloody chaos) of the service sector at Christmas, in fact I really thrived on it. But when something is personally directed at me, I find it hard to cope, possibly related to being unable to take criticism. In one instance over the weekend, my boss was quite aggressive in the way she spoke to me, without proper reason or prior provocation. I never see any reason for anyone to behave like that, and try as I might (because she really is just a vindictive person), I am quite distressed when things like this happen. I managed to remain calm for the rest of the duration of the calls I had to do, and when I got home, it was plain i was obvious. My nan apparently noticed this, but did not ask what was wrong, and when I tried to explain the situation, said what she normally says (my problem is that I never learn never to tell her anything like this). I knew I needed to cry, but as I rarely do so, and never in front of anyone else, I went upstairs, sat on the floor in my room, and had a big, silent, prolonged weep on the floor. I also made myself better by stimming, my stimming in situations like this being to repeatedly hit myself on the head with the heel of my hand or my fist.