Is there any Aspie who wish they are born normal?
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七転び八起き
No - I've never much cared for "normality" because I don't bleat and don't eat grass.
But I sometimes wish I had followed my music obsession before following my electronics obsession. Things would have worked out much more creatively, I'm sure.
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Giraffe: a ruminant with a view.
It's different for every Aspie. But to me, I would give up my personality just for a life where I'm not bitched at on a daily basis for the little things I naturally do. Mainly because as the aspie that I am my personality consists solely of a crippling depression due to being mentally traumatized by all the years of being chewed out by family, friends, and peers. I also would have a career and would've done my extracurricular activities with a lot more accomplishment. In essence, more of my lifelong dreams would've came true by now if I had been born normal.
Sure, if everyone else was born "normal" too. But they aren't. And a lot of people are far less "normal" than I. Being just different enough to know it, and to be aware of those more different than myself in a way that "normal" people aren't, is not a bad position to hold. Not always pleasant, but needful.
Glider18 - "For me, being an Aspie is normal. I don't want to be NT. I have found that Asperger's has given me gifts in life that I enjoy."
- Yes, there are people like you who feel proud to be an asperger or autistic - because they have the special gift of creating something unique, like what Einstein and Bill Gates did. But how many asperger or autistic people have such incredible gifts? Sadly, I should say, very, very few. To be honest, I believe majority of aspies and autistics still wish to be NT, wanting to be free of the loneliness, bullying and neglect that most of us experience. We want to have the kind of happiness and friendships that we see others experience so easily.
When I first read about AS, the people writing seemed to paint a very rosy picture, of quirky geniuses or rational thinkers who are loyal and honest to a fault, and who have special talents that are unavailable to other people, including in art. It seemed so admirable to be an Aspie that I even felt presumptuous calling myself one.
But the reality is one of isolation and confusion. Nowhere did I read about meltdowns, or of becoming so confused and bewildered by other people's actions that one makes oneself into an unwanted pariah by questioning their motives. it's very difficult to be Aspie, and I for one would not choose it if somehow given the choice.
To PanoramaIsland: Could you change your sig? It's stretching out the page.
- Yes, there are people like you who feel proud to be an asperger or autistic - because they have the special gift of creating something unique, like what Einstein and Bill Gates did. But how many asperger or autistic people have such incredible gifts? Sadly, I should say, very, very few. To be honest, I believe majority of aspies and autistics still wish to be NT, wanting to be free of the loneliness, bullying and neglect that most of us experience. We want to have the kind of happiness and friendships that we see others experience so easily.
I agree there. This is what I've been trying to say on some of these threads all along, but haven't worded it as good as you.
I'm not a very bright person either, and life sucks where you're someone who fails socially and intellectually. I'm not all that great physically either - I walk around with an awkward gait, and I keep twisting my ankles so now I have to walk in a different way on my feet, which ruins all my shoes.
All of my cousins are around my age, and they are all NTs, and I see them a lot too, and I just feel so downhearted when I see them all getting along fine with friendships. When I see people having a conversation, my heart sinks and I always think, ''why can't I just naturally fall into conversation like that?!'' And it's no good other Aspies saying to me, ''oh there's more to life than social and communication,'' because that's not true. Humans are social creatures, and the majority of humans are NTs, and it's just so hard when you're caught in the middle - where you are just as aware of the world as any NT, yet you can't express yourself as well as they can. It just makes things so difficult, and it makes it worse when people don't understand you. It will be nice if I was bright enough to land myself a career what I was really interested in and could cut out the rest of the world and focus on this one thing for the rest of my life, but I am not like that. I am too aware of the world and people, and I enjoy communication, and sometimes I get it right, then comes a day where I have a ''bad day'' (which is when I make a lot of social mistakes).
I wouldn't mind if I was born NT, and failed intellectually, but was socially normal. That way I will still find employment easier in retail. It's so not fair - this f*****g AS has ruined my life.
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Female
- Yes, there are people like you who feel proud to be an asperger or autistic - because they have the special gift of creating something unique, like what Einstein and Bill Gates did. But how many asperger or autistic people have such incredible gifts? Sadly, I should say, very, very few. To be honest, I believe majority of aspies and autistics still wish to be NT, wanting to be free of the loneliness, bullying and neglect that most of us experience. We want to have the kind of happiness and friendships that we see others experience so easily.
I agree there. This is what I've been trying to say on some of these threads all along, but haven't worded it as good as you.
I'm not a very bright person either, and life sucks where you're someone who fails socially and intellectually. I'm not all that great physically either - I walk around with an awkward gait, and I keep twisting my ankles so now I have to walk in a different way on my feet, which ruins all my shoes.
All of my cousins are around my age, and they are all NTs, and I see them a lot too, and I just feel so downhearted when I see them all getting along fine with friendships. When I see people having a conversation, my heart sinks and I always think, ''why can't I just naturally fall into conversation like that?!'' And it's no good other Aspies saying to me, ''oh there's more to life than social and communication,'' because that's not true. Humans are social creatures, and the majority of humans are NTs, and it's just so hard when you're caught in the middle - where you are just as aware of the world as any NT, yet you can't express yourself as well as they can. It just makes things so difficult, and it makes it worse when people don't understand you. It will be nice if I was bright enough to land myself a career what I was really interested in and could cut out the rest of the world and focus on this one thing for the rest of my life, but I am not like that. I am too aware of the world and people, and I enjoy communication, and sometimes I get it right, then comes a day where I have a ''bad day'' (which is when I make a lot of social mistakes).
I wouldn't mind if I was born NT, and failed intellectually, but was socially normal. That way I will still find employment easier in retail. It's so not fair - this f***ing AS has ruined my life.
If you want to be happy, you must begin to adapt a positive attitude and quit looking at the challenges so much. I acknowledge challenges---but I tend to look more at the positives (interests and talents). But my quote is my personal outlook---and I realize not everyone else's. But I can say that I believe Asperger's has gifts to offer almost everyone with Asperger's---if only they look for them, accept them, nurture them, etc.
As for the socializing thing---I know that most people seem to want to socialize. I don't. My interests and family are enough for me. The last time I went out with other's was last summer (my neighbors for dinner---I took them out because they had helped with my yard work, and I wanted to pay them back since they wouldn't take money for it).
I am a teacher of the gifted. My students do their independent contract project work---so I don't have to interact much. I am fortunate there---the administration put me in a position that works well for me. I acknowledge that I have been lucky in life.
My wish is that everyone can be happy in life. That is why I try to stress looking for any positive that you can find, no matter how small it is. Focus on it more than focusing on the challenges. Trust me, I have been in some pretty low states of depression before. It has been the positives that have worked for me---so far. Please believe me when I say this strategy can work---though it may take some time.
My college years were spent searching for who I was. My twenties I spent adapting to a career and marriage---I don't regret either. My thirties I spend lost in searching for myself as my wife and I began raising our two sons. I always tended to seem unsettled, though I stayed ungulfed in interests. Now, in my forties, I realize my eccentricities are a result of autism. I felt so relieved to know why I was the way I am. I embraced autism and celebrated. I now have a better understanding of who I am, and I have so far been much more relaxed and settled in life.
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"My journey has just begun."
I just always think about how much everybody who knows me under the age 25 would like me better if it wasn't for the damn condition. I always think about how the only reason why I am not friends with people who aren't my friends is because of the damn condition.
I just had an odd thought Corydaman93. When I was your age in the early 1980's one of my favorite pasttimes was obsessing over house plans. I preferred them over friends. There was one particular plan I was incredibly obsessed with---it was called the "Enchanting Mansion of Luxury." I could stare at that plan for long periods of time studying it's every nook and cranny. That house became a part of me. It haunted me in ways. It captivated me the first time I opened the pages of the house plan book that it was in. I can still remember that feeling of seeing it for the first time. It was magical. It still is magical. I bought the book and still keep it beside my bed. It is strange that a few years after I saw that plan, my parents and I moved into another house that just happened to be designed by the same man who designed the mansion I obsessed over. In 2003 I began writing a novel centered around the mansion. I finally called the house plan company and bought around 8 sets of the blueprints for that mansion. They dug it out of a closet because it had been sort of retired from their books. I studied those blueprints and noticed I had a connection with that house---it was designed in 1964---the same year I was born. I still study that house to this day. In fact today, I spent quite a lot of time with that house plan.
I guess what I am saying is, although there seems to be absences in many of our lives who are autistic (like a lack of social contacts/friends), there are things that can give us company---even if they are inanimate. Do you have obsessions/special intense interests? If so, what are they? Often times we can find other people who are also interested in what we are.
Anyway, I hope you can find the happiness you deserve in life. You are young---and although you may feel unsettled in certain ways now, there is plenty of time to find yourself. It took me many years, but it happened. But I know that things can change, and I pray that I continue to feel settled---but it can take effort. As I have said many times---there are challenges. But everyone has challenges.
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"My journey has just begun."
Corydaman, I've just started reading your website, though I didn't finish reading it yet, but I sort of liked it already! Your explanation seemed so accurate. I think you should think of becoming a special kind of psychiatrist or psychologist for our sort of people as well as the NT. What do you think?
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