Son spends too much time on the computer?

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This here. My friendships formed online have been more enduring and satisfying than any I have formed with people I never met online. Further, I have met several of my online friends in real life and the friendships continued or strengthened as a consequence. Meeting people online makes it easier to make a good lasting impression.

Also, as for obsessions and careers: I nearly supported myself for a handful of years (before burning out) on a freelance career derived from one of my special interests, and despite my parents trying to dissuade me from that interest for the duration of my teen years. This dissuasion, however, made me resent them powerfully.

Exactly. It's practically the only means I have of communicating these days.

This. I learned a lot about communication and translating my thoughts into words starting on the old BBSes, and then moving on to usenet.

God yes, with the modem warbling & scratching away as it connected.
I still dip into usenet a few times these days - there are many useful technical people out there, still posting away.

I haven't been to usenet in a long time. My ISP cut off access and I never got into using deja news (and later I guess yahoo, then google.groups) for my usenet fix.

It had a lot of good stuff, though. No doubt it still does.

If you make something a forbidden fruit they'll want it more.

Your son is using the computer in what I see as a controlled and normal manner, safe as well for the most part. This might change if you made the computer and computer time a forbidden fruit.

You are absolutely correct. I have several very conflicting feelings about the Internet. The heavily commercialized websites seem filled with low quality information, deceptive advertising, and an abundance of eye candy. Other places such as wikipedia, wrongplanet, and artrenewal.org provide valuable information and entertainment.

Many of my friends at work love Facebook, instant messaging, online chat, and online 3D social gaming. None of these services appeal to me. I prefer face to face interaction. Just because I do not understand the value of these services does not mean that my friends are engaged in a fruitless endeavor.

My advice, as an adult with Asperger's that is not and never will be a parent, is that you should leave him alone with this, so long as it's not causing problems (like with the BIOS).

Special interests, which very often seem to include computers, protect us from a world we find hostile and dangerous. If your child does indeed have Asperger's (which it sounds like he does) it is the computer, not other people, who will bring him joy in life. While he needs to learn how to survive in the world of humanity, and interact with other people as is necessary to find and maintain employment, if he's not interested in playing with other children he shouldn't be forced to. If he wants to spend all his free time creating logos... let him. Neurotypicals have a hard time understanding this concept, that we are usually just happier by ourselves, and that to try and change this opens a huge can of worms.

My special interest has always been maps and exploring back roads. Here I am 29 years old and all I want to do is go on road trips-- by myself. If my parents and teachers had encouraged me to focus on my hobby instead of trying to "socialize" and imprint on me that there is something wrong with me because I don't want to, I would have avoided a lot of pain and suffering my life.

Anyways, I hope you can find this advice useful, and understand where it's coming from.

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Great point.

I should respect other people's preferences for socialization.

Every friendship I've had so far where the contact has been all or mostly in person has fizzled out. I've only barely managed to maintain a passing acquaintance with my next-door neighbor.

The internet is great. It helps me keep my friendships from dying.

Communicating online actually makes me sound intelligent unlike the garble of 5 thoughts that come out of my mouth at the same time. And they are not really full thoughts but individual words.

Forums have taught me a lot about people. Even the really nasty ones. They taught me to hold my tongue and that some people are best to avoid.

I started out on Yahoo Answers where I helped people diet and gave them medical advice, and still told them to see a doctor. I even got PM's from some that I tried to talk out of suicide.


I get into rows about that with my mum. Because she likes to socialise and she can't understand why I have little desire too. She's trying to get me out of the house while I'm telling her I'm not doing nothing, in fact I'm giving my brain such a massive workout with my special interests.

We are both also set in our ways and get into little arguments about how and when the dishes should be washed.
It would be hilarious if I wasn't so over sensitive.

But that's your job as the parent to teach him that these are deceptions and lies. This is your job.

That's like those parents who hate video games because children cannot separate reality from fiction. Its the job of the parent to teach them that.

My mom is always telling me to not believe everything I read online. Okay she can say the same in real life "don't believe everything you hear." To me it's the same thing but the difference is I am online reading things people write about their experience or reading their opinions about stuff or reading their perspective on things.

Why would you want to keep him from something he likes to do and obviously has a gift for?

You are under the impression that doing a lot of one thing is bad, but it's only bad when it's keeping other vital tasks from being performed.

If he is completing his homework, doing his chores, and getting enough exercise then there is no reason to keep him from his passion.

Instead, why don't you nurture that interest? Parents should invest more in things their children are good at, enjoy, and show a dedication to.

I think you are "throwing the baby out with the bath water."

By not having a cell phone, you limit your ability to communicate with your family in emergencies. Unless you live in a community that operates with the same philosophies and at the same pace, you are putting yourself at a disadvantage relative to society.

As for TV, sure, much of it's crap. Most of the stuff I'd find relevant to watch on TV, such as the news, or documentaries, I can find online.

But anyway, you do your family a favor by teaching them how to use technology responsibly and productively. Not keeping them from it.

My mother refused to let me show her how to use a computer, over the course of about 15 years. She would always come up with some excuse, initially thinking computers were for "techy" people, and then, that it was a young person thing, and so on, and then one day she realized, not only could she not find a job to apply for because employers no longer posted them in the news paper, they posted them online, but she didn't have the skills to search for them online, and she wouldn't qualify for any of the jobs because she was not computer literate. It's a massive problem for her. If you are going to live in modern society, you must keep up with it.

Yes indeed. I find it paces my thinking, and I regain the time needed to respond that I simply don't have with face-to-face communications.
And I know exactly what you mean with "the garble of 5 thoughts that come out of my mouth at the same time".


Time to study the responses, time to work out the reply - and time to decide whether to do it at all.