Why Are People Offended by Honesty?

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It took me a long time. And a lot of listening. I think I went through a period of not asking questions and listening to how other people asked questions. I was often thinking "perhaps the third person wants to ask the second person the same question I want to ask the second person, but doesn't because they know it is insulting". I think it helps to have a person who knows you cannot tell the difference and helps you.

I read through most of these replies and most of what was said sounded normal to me.

I might not tell kids about the weekend drinking just because I realize that it may project a bad *image* to a teen, but everything else that was said sounded alright.

I say things like this often and have been told that I come off as *blunt* and *real*, lol, but have never been told to my face that I offended anyone.

If these are the kinds of things that get people with AS in trouble, then people REALLY need to loosen up.

My grandmother told me last May how bad the bus transportation is in her city and how she got mugged and didn't get her purse back. So how do you know what to keep to yourself and what not keep to yourself when they're bad stories?

Just so everyone knows, she is NT and told me these horror stories.

I agree! People tell me the same thing, that I am "too honest" or whatever. They don't say to my face I have offended them. I only realize it after when things become awkward.

I don't see anything wrong with that. Maybe if she told strangers this story it would be considered inappropriate? I don't know...

That's exactly the point. Even NTs tell horror stories so why was it so wrong when you did it? Is there some social rule about when it's okay to do it and when it's not? But why am I even asking this here, I am asking a bunch of autistic people. Maybe an NT here will pitch in.

hahaha I think it has something to do with WHO we tell. We can't just say these things to everybody, it seems.

TBH this might happen to me, too. I do sense that some people get creeped out by me or just dislike me and they pull away from me, BUT the people that do like tend to like me A LOT and honestly....I was never concerned about not offending the people that pulled away, anyway.

I usually get a good first impression from someone and I can *generally* tell if they like me or not. I'm never really rude to them but If I use the kind of honesty that I always use and they don't like it, they aren't worth having round. IMO.

I used to think I don't offend people or else they yell at me or tell me I had offended them. So I figured they must know by my appearance I don't mean no harm so they never get offended. Then I started to figure out "How do I know I don't offend people? Just because they don't say so doesn't mean they weren't." I finally figured it out by noticing I don't ever tell people I was offended because why would I? So they can offend me more? So if I act like I don't care, they won't keep offending me thinking "ah she doesn't care so why bother?" And how do I know it's unintentional? Bullies is the last thing I need so I would rather keep my mouth shut about me being offended, plus I don't want to come off as all sensitive so I want to be tough and strong. I also figured it out by reading online at babycenter and I was noticing posts by women when they mention someone made a comment to them and they were offended. They never said anything about telling the person they were offended. So it occurred to me people don't tell others they were offended. They just think you were rude or stupid if you weren't intending to offend. So maybe I have came off as stupid to tons of people. I think lot of us come off as stupid when we offend because they don't know we have AS so they are going to assume we are too stupid we had told them something offensive and didn't mean to. Yes they have said how stupid people are, so stupid they say things they don't know is offensive so I am sure that is how they would think of someone on the spectrum if they didn't know. Even though I doubt they were talking about autistic people when they said that. People are never talking about people with disabilities when they talk about people in general so I don't take it personal.

found this in a new book by the "year of living biblically" guy:

http://www.esquire.com/features/honesty0707

'course, there's a difference between radical honesty on purpose & radical honesty because you can't help it maybe...

It is because of the ego. The ego is made of certain viewpoints anything that contradicts this view is a threat to the ego, Because people identify with the ego they will feel threatened by the source of this contradiction which is you. They might get angry offended whatever.
Unfortunately most of the worlds society/economy is built around the ego its the only thing that ensures people keep buying all the crap they dont need. So we probably wont live to see an egoless world.

Do some research into the ego and you will understand.

this guys videos are really great, all about the ego.
http://www.youtube.com/user/ThereAreNoS ... VDWC9Ez5Jg

What has not been mentioned is that while honesty is good, there is a time and place for everything.
It really is a gray area some of the time. It is not obvious what is apropiate.
I prefer not to give an opinion if no one asks, but if asked, I will give an honest opinion although I try not to be mean.

People are wimps, total wusses. I can't say how I really feel or think, or tell the truth without my mum yelling at me to not say it anywhere else. I think get lost, people should just grow balls and handle the truth for a change. *grumble grumble*

Because it often paints uncomfortable truths about themselves that they either cannot or don't wish to fix. It feels like a personal attack on their very life, their way of being.

Call a woman acquaintance fat and see what happens.

I feel the same way and I have seen some none spectrum people online who also feel the same way.