Popularity on WP: A question

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Geez ... Another popularity thread?

Am I totally clueless? I never even think about liking or disliking the other people here.

There are some posters that I look forward to reading because they are insightful. There are some that leave me scratching my head. But it is REALLY hard to judge a person based on things posted to an internet forum. My default position is that my Theory Of Mind deficits render any assumptions about others here effectively useless.

I suppose it would be interesting to meet some of the WP denizens in real life, just to see the differences in their internet personas and their "real" ones.

Reading here now, I'm surprised my shock waves are still bouncing around in many posters psyche's. Too much hard surfaces on the inside?

Mucho ego invested here................. how can this not be a popularity contest?

Go outside and switch off that Morrissey record!!

I think its funny, the thought of some pissed off autistic person complaining about another autistic person finding a place where they accepted but they are more accepted than the pissed autistic person so they b***h about it. Get over it that person who they are pissed at is just as awkward, lonely, and depressed as them. If the shoe was on the other foot the pissed off autistic person would not say anything in defense of their less popular counterpart to help make that person more popular.

You seem to enjoy causing a ruckus. But there's none of your ego invested in that, right?

This is probably the only post here that I agree with.


I tend to stutter and spit more and bounce up and down. Besides that, I'm exactly the same.

BTW I do enjoy your posts a lot, dear sir.

Popularity on this site is ret*d. It's bad enough I have to see it everywhere in real life; I don't want to see it on here. This is the one thing I hate about this site.

Exactly. You can even see it when people post in the Haven. The "popular" folks have threads several pages long of gushing support. Us "normal" people get, usually, about 6 to 10 replies, not including our own back and forth. I don't really care that much, because it tells you who really supports you and who doesn't give a rat's ass, but this place is just like any other when it comes to clique behavior. I've been excluded from cliques my whole life and I'm used to it (I presume it's an aspie thing), so it doesn't make a hill of beans of difference to me, but nobody should think it doesn't exist. It does.

~Kate

I think that's why, although it's not that big a freaking deal in the scheme of things, I felt like commenting on it.

~Kate

I dunno - I read a lot of the stuff you people put up here, and from time to time I add a few words.

Mostly, they go unnoticed. Now and again, though, someone reads and comments.

It's seven years now since I first self-diagnosed, and two since it was made official. Once or twice over that period I've exchanged a word or two with other autistics, but on the whole it's still pretty lonely where I am. I've yet to gain a clear understanding of what I am and where I stand, and - pushing sixty - I'm running out of time.

I've noticed and read your posts, but I don't usually have a reply.

Regarding replies to other posts, I already spend WAAAY too much time here
(I think I am over compensating for the sense of isolation experienced up until now. It has been amazing to find a group of people that actually GROK my existence.) so I pick and choose the threads I participate in. I suppose that might appear a little clique-ish, but it is entirely unintentional.

Hehe, yeah, that's definitely true though I too haven't been particularly bothered by it -- I've kind of accepted that some people are going to dislike me and if I happen to have "more foes" than average, oh well, c'est la vie. If that's true, it's most likely largely due to personal qualities assigned to me by fate, and a battle with fate seems like a losing one. It's better to embrace it and optimize your lot in life however you can.

I've been wondering about the properties underlying "likability"/"popularity", and it seems to come from those who are generally more 'clever' / 'funny' / 'imaginative', more agreeable, more empathetic or have greater TOM abilities, those who more closely fit the popular "communication norms", and those who have a way of thinking / way of speaking that's more commonly accepted (That is, they hold popular views.). Aside from agreeableness and holding popular views, that basically means though who are 'more aspie' will tend to be less popular (Since imagination underlies the trait called "humor" and the "more aspie" among us will tend to have less imagination), which is kind of ironic for a support site.

Also, a funny implication of that is the more NT among us will tend to be more popular, and the most popular people tend to rise to the position of a moderator, so ergo...

(Note that being NT doesn't mean you're "normal" or a "gossiper" -- there's quite a bit of variation within the NT spectrum.)

That must be called...

Positive assortative posting. (Likes attract likes; OPs with a given way of thinking tend to attract posters with a similar way of thinking, as they tend to be interested in the same kind of topics/information.)

People THINK they want to be popular, but they MAY do little to achieve that end.

People who ACTIVELY TRY to be popular massage others ego's, comment positively toward others higher up the food chain.....MAKE SUBMISSIVE CHIRPING SOUNDS to be permitted to enter the inner circle.....

Gruff rogue males like myself barge about without a care, as position within the inner circle holds no great value to me. Once in that inner circle, constant maintenance and preening in front of others is required when holding court.

Many women seem to have active primordial reproductive programming and gravitate toward alpha males, which is probably a good reason to get with the program and get popular.

Popularity is an active state requiring the constant giving of gifts and consumes a great deal of energy. I cant be bothered as my focus is somewhere else

You don't have to be submissive in order to pay someone a compliment or show visible appreciation for what they do. To think that you always put yourself down to raise someone up is erroneous. Or to think that people are only nice to receive something in return. Some of us genuinely enjoy making others feel good by giving them feedback when they please us. It also helps them know what pleases us, leading into positive feedback loops.



I think you need to get smarter about maintenance of relationships and 'preening'. If it's taking up so much energy, there's probably a lot of room for streamlining.

Last edited by Moog on 04 May 2011, 5:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Hey, I got my first 'arrogant' and 'immature'. Does that put me in the 'popular' clique or am I back in the geek clique?

Wow, I haven't even thought about that since 10th grade...

I'm just curious who everyone thinks is popular. Is it just the people who happily schmooze among themselves? Is it the people who come on strong and opinionated in every thread with some substance? Is it the 'without researched and linked facts your opinion means SQUAT' crowd? There's a fair share of rabble rousers too... you know who you are! (Rabbles need rousing every now and then too...) In general, I just see groups of like minded people finding each other. I haven't actually been told to bugger off by anyone yet - I'm sure that'll happen at some point but not yet. I'm pretty sure that internet forum popularity doesn't get you anything other, than maybe some narcissitic, imagined pleasure. It's just a bit of ego masturbation really.

I'm more drawn to the quiet ones. Most of the time, their the ones that have something to say that I actually want to hear.