What do you dislike the most about aspergers syndrome

Post Reply New Topic

Putting up with the sh*t that many NTs heap on the Aspies.

ruveyn

I hate the way I have a monotone voice when I'm anxious or shy. I'm OK whilst having a conversation because you can express opinions and feelings more. But when you're just doing something like asking in a shop for a job vacancy, then having to discuss an exisiting job vacancy, I tend to just use this stupid monotonous voice, which makes me sound unconfident before I've even begun any interviews. There doesn't seem to be a way I can change it.

That no matter where you go aspergers always causes different things.

1. Meltdowns.
2. How other people react to me and avoid me or ignore me for being different.
3. Not knowing how to socially interact well or make people comfortable enough with me to give me a chance, get to know each other or become friends -> social isolation.
4. Sensory issues.

-Lack of motivation in taking care of myself

-Putting obsessions before anything else

-Struggling to look for suitable employment

-Letting people walk all over me, finding it hard to stand up for myself

-Fear of failure, low self-esteem, no confidence in myself, getting impressions that people are laughing at me, looking at me, picking on me

-The meltdowns, getting het up and angry over silly things

-Severe social anxiety, afraid of people, crowds, criticism

-Can't cope with pressure, can't cope if things don't go at my pace, finding the rat race too complicated

-Being afraid of loud noises (trying to overcome this)

-Being difficult at home

-Having bouts of depression because of worrying that I've made the wrong decision (not sure if this is to do with AS, because a lot of people make mistakes in their lives.)


I think a lot of this is all to do with me being the type of Aspie who partly wants to be social, and worries about how my social life is going, and has a fear of loneliness or being alone, since I have quite a large family who are all NTs and have friends and lovers. I'm not sure if in this case I'm an introvert Aspie or an extrovert Aspie.

The worst thing is having to work so hard in social situations. I wish I could easily talk to people from instinct instead of using a list of mentally stored responses. I like having time on my own to do my own thing but I'm terrified that I'm going to end up totally alone one day as I don't make friends easily.

Another thing I hate about it is not being able to give family and friends the attention that they want from me. I always seem to be letting someone down by not meeting their requirements even though I've tried harder than the average person.

What I don't like about having Aspergers:

- I hate my awkward behaviour in social situations.

- I used to dislike the fact that I have trouble with relationships and intimacy in general.

- I really dislike the fact that it's so difficult for me to make proper eyecontact.

- I can be very honest and direct and that's a little 'too much' for some people.

- I can get very angry when I panic or feel powerless

- The difficulties that I have experienced in the workplace in the past.


What I DO like about my Aspergers:

- The fact that I'm actually quite smart.

- The fact that I can do almost any study or course that I'm interested in and succeed.

- My views of the world are a bit different sometimes and I see that as a good thing.

I dislike:
That my mind is completely blank or I'm can't stop thinking about something else (my interests) when I am having a conversation.

I can't remember if I did a simply task like close the door so I have to go back two or three time to check.

Loneliness, I've never had a girlfriend.

Not being able to understand people.

Certain sounds or voices.

There is nothing I like about AS. I'm not very smart, and I generally don't think differently from other people. If I do, I think in a negative way from other people, like wondering why the hell conformity, social society, and mainstream is so important to NTs. But I have to follow it because I'm afraid of standing out or looking different, because then that leads to being picked on all the more, and who likes that? It's no good being the victim when you've practically made yourself the victim. If I do get picked on whilst conforming, then it's their problem, and I then can moan because then sympathetic people can just say, ''well at least she's trying her hardest to fit in.''

But I still hate the way walking out in the street is just a way of getting from A to B but seems to also be a forever compitition with other people, so practically you've got to spend your whole life worrying about blending in and basically impressing strangers. Sad, really.

Sometimes not being able to relate to others can feel pretty terrible, because even when I do share interests with others (which is fairly rare) very specific details or viewpoints captivate me much more than the subject as a whole, so I can feel very lonely because of that.

I've found one thing what I don't dislike. It's that AS has taught me to understand NTs and other people with disabilities too. I've been made to understand NTs, but with non-NTs, I am able to understand them too. So I've got the power to clearly see the differences between somebody intentionally being nasty and somebody just having difficulties social-wise (saying the wrong thing without realising). NTs can't see that. They only understand normalcy. NTs only understand NTs, they don't understand non-NTs like myself. If they did, then I would have been accepted at school, and people wouldn't be laughing at me, and would have had a job by now.

At my vollunteer job, there is another woman there who has some sort of difficulties. She might be on the spectrum but I'm not sure. All I know is she ain't all NT, but she is a really nice, kind person. She just talks too much, which means she comes out with the wrong things, or she would blab things out to other people what's not supposed to be said. Now everybody's calling her ''two-faced b***h'', ''back-stabber'', and ''freak'' (and these are adults who are nice otherwise, but they just act like they hate her so much and can't seem to see that she's not doing all this to cause trouble). Me, on the other hand, is the only one there who likes her and understands her. I think she knows that I understand her, and gave me a birthday present, which was very nice.
Also, I have a close relative with Alzheimer's, and all of the family are good and caring with her, but sometimes can get a little misunderstanding, which leads to frustration, and they sometimes even say, ''is there any memory or conscience there at all?! There must be!! !'' But I am the only person who understands her, and I often sit and imagine how it would be like with half your brain disappearing. Things must get VERY confusing!



So I always know when somebody is being horrible, and when somebody's just struggling through life, like the woman at my vollunteer job. I've come across some horrible people before, and I knew they were intentionally being horrible. And I've come across people with disabilities, and if they are struggling socially, I give them a chance, instead of accusing them of being horrible.