I'm diagnosed NVLD and they also gave me schizoid/schizoaffective. Court psych eval, at that time 2.5 years ago. I concluded I had turned my emotions off to deal with all the stress, so that's the possible reason why the schizo thing. They said I didn't have Aspergers because I didn't display the intense interests thing, and they just in general thought it too severe, but anyone who knows me knows I'll ramble forever worse than James May from Top Gear, yes, about random things like electronic fuel injection.
As for my looks, I didn't know until recently that they were quite good. Long eyelashes (which I've heard is an ASD trait), dimples, perfectly straight teeth, and eyebrows that everyone asks if I wax. In like, early elementary school, girls were almost my only friends, almost no male friends, and males would make fun of me for that and how I'd talk about Star Trek and stuff. Eventually, I learned to fit in and ditched the female friends, and just became a huge as*hole in the process, to "fit in." This started at a "Christian" school, and continued on til high school.
Anyway, I very much loved (and still love) anime in late elementary school, so that while the anime in and of itself isn't bad, made it easier to align with the "nerd" crowd of people, so because most of them were ugly and didn't care much of athletics, I also didn't either, so that really hurt me, helped make me fat. As a kid, though, I actually loved athletics, but my quest wasn't so much how to "win" at them but more to learn the best technique and way to do things, so I'd for example, play by myself in my yard, kicking a football on a stand, just trying to beat myself.
Oh uh, looks, back to that. Anyway, I've lost weight now, but even when I was chubbier, girls still thought I was hot. Alot of confusion for me, though. For example, in health class, these 2 girls kept grabbing my butt, I told them to stop, got angry, etc, I didn't understand for the longest time that she thought I was hot, and that a man having a big butt is apparently the same thing to them as a woman having one to me. Another time a group of hot girls drove by me walking home from school, again joking with nice butt, etc.
I'm good looking, and very verbally skilled, in fact, how I'm speaking now in writing is basically how I talk to others, which now that I'm 20 looks sorta impressive, but back at 14-15, you basically get the "Ideocracy" "fag talk" treatment. Also, I've never been in a relationship, so people keep asking if I'm gay or not (not making fun so much as just questioning.) I think that happens alot due to my looks, as they figure I'm good looking, so wtf is up. So yeah, I'm good looking, talk very intelligently, so people usually get OK first impressions of me, but I just have a seeming I'm diagnosed NVLD and they also gave me schizoid/schizoaffective. Court psych eval, at that time 2.5 years ago. I concluded I had turned my emotions off to deal with all the stress, so that's the possible reason why the schizo thing. They said I didn't have Aspergers because I didn't display the intense interests thing, and they just in general thought it too severe, but anyone who knows me knows I'll ramble forever worse than James May from Top Gear, yes, about random things like electronic fuel injection.
As for my looks, I didn't know until recently that they were quite good. Long eyelashes (which I've heard is an ASD trait), dimples, perfectly straight teeth, and eyebrows that everyone asks if I wax. In like, early elementary school, girls were almost my only friends, almost no male friends, and males would make fun of me for that and how I'd talk about Star Trek and stuff. Eventually, I learned to fit in and ditched the female friends, and just became a huge as*hole in the process, to "fit in." This started at a "Christian" school, and continued on til high school.
Back in my elementary school days, I actually loved sports. I was clumsy at many of them, but loved them. But the weirdness was a factor there, too. Playing football, I didn't get past practices before I quit, I wanted to play the game, but the kids I was playing with basically bullied the hell out of me. After that, I shyed away from sports, the last sport I remember doing is ice hockey, in a learn to play camp, which I loved, but my parents didnt have money to pursue it. So, I stopped playing sports, and then hung out with the " nerd" crowd of people through highschool, so because of that (and partially because a divorce, and my mom only buying processed food) I gained weight. I guess as a kid, I was a "jock," but whatever it was about me that made me different got me ostracized, thus made me uglier.
Anyway, I've lost weight now, but even when I was chubbier, girls still thought I was good looking. Alot of confusion for me, though. For example, in health class, these 2 girls kept grabbing my butt, I told them to stop, got angry, etc, I didn't understand for the longest time that she thought I was hot, and that a man having a nice butt is apparently the same thing to them as a woman having one to me. Another time a group of hot girls drove by me walking home from school, again joking with nice butt, etc.
I'm good looking, and very verbally skilled, in fact, how I'm speaking now in writing is basically how I talk to others, which now that I'm 20 looks sorta impressive, but back at 14-15, you basically get the Ideocracy "fag talk" treatment. Also, I've never been in a relationship, so people keep asking if I'm gay or not (not making fun so much as just questioning.) I think that happens alot due to my looks, as they figure I'm good looking, so wtf is up. So yeah, I'm good looking, talk very intelligently, so people usually get OK first impressions of me, but I just have a seeming inability to "connect" with people.
One minor thing too, I think that goes along with being good looking, and to an extent, being semi-alpha as I am, I think some girls get almost too intimidated to talk to you, I found after losing like 30 pounds figure skating, dropping from 215 to 187, girls seem to almost talk to me less. I wasn't talking to them very actively, so I think they just assume I'm out of their league. I kinda think it's similar to what some of the girls describe in their thread. Girls might be just as shy as me, who'd have thought.
Clothing, too, goes along with looks, and in highschool, I just wore the worst clothing choices, probably looking almost homeless. Nowadays, I have a collection of "preppy" clothes I bought from Salvation Army, found in trash (lol), etc. So I wear them, everyday, Hilfiger, Abercrombie, Polo, thus contributing more to me looking very normal, if not "cool" but when people talk to me, I tend to...do what I'm doing now, and then yeah.
But really, it is good to be good looking and considered cool, it does cut you alot of slack, people might still think you're weird, but they won't say it to your face, and they'll often overlook it. It, like ASD is a blessing, and a curse at the same time. If you're ugly, you won't be as "cool" but at the same time, you won't have to deal with people's high expectations for you, but then again, high expectations means people think highly of you.
Also, I didn't really realize I was good looking until very recently, but I now realize a lot of my problems stemmed from others jealousy, even back with girls for friends in elementary school, jealousy. If only I remained as I was, damn... If only I realized at the time their opinions were insignificant. I had good looks, but the social and nonverbal understanding of a rock. For me to catch on that a girl liked me back in middle/high school, I'd probably have to have her literally explain that she does to me. But being good looking, intelligent, hell even a bit charismatic, but with a nonverbal IQ of like 80, and just being weird and quirky, it's an odd experience.
Anyway, sorry for my long post. Anyway, despite the possible downsides to being good looking, I'm so thankful to God I am. Learning I was attractive helped my self image alot. Alot of those years, my attractiveness was hiding under bad hygiene and bad clothing, and it all stemmed from bad self image.
So yeah, sorry, long post. To sum up this post, I became "ugly" over time just from choices I made, from what haters/jealous people told me. Now it's getting fixed, I believe with God's hand, and it's amazing to me, I wonder though, what it would have looked like if I didn't let those people influence me.
04 Aug 2011, 12:53 am
for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.
