NT Women...how do you deal with them as an aspie male?

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They need not be mutually exclusive.
If you are interested and still have access to those girls who told you the 2 week-from-first-meeting rule, you could double check with them. I suspect that they just took it as said (and therefore didn't say it ) that the girl has to consider the male at least vaguely attractive to themselves. Invitations from males not in this category are not something females tend to welcome.


At the end of the day, what are you willing to risk? Because it's your risk, and your potential reward.

Every time you ask a female, you risk a rejection and or reaction. Do you agree?
So if you don't mind the rejection or certain reactions, fair enough. Your risk, your reward.

BUT if you are asking how to minimise the instances of the rejection/reaction, the physical cues thing is a simple rule. I'm trying to be helpful here. I can't make womankind change. I'm giving away the "tells" they give out, like poker player secrets.

Don't forget that there really is no risk! If the girl accepts: great! If she says "no": you never had a chance in the first place, so you haven't lost anything. Also, just because she says "no" now doesn't mean that she will say "no" later. Don't take that as like the next day or a month down the road. I've been down that road you just seem creepy when you do that. Give it six months. If you're still talking that will have given her pleanty of time to process the prospect and if it's going to happen you'll be in a much better position.

And, why does it have to be a date. Ask her to go see a movie as a friend. I know that there were a lot of girls that I thought that I liked until we were in a setting alone together. A lot of the time they turned out to be boobs that I woulndn't want to spend any significant amount of time with anyhow(pun not intended... but very funny).

Find yourself a nerdy sort of girl. They often like talking about interesting things. Then, if it doesn't turn into romance, you've got a friend.

Unfortunately I can't check. It was a post I read somewhere on the internet.


In my case telling them is usually a last resort, when I cannot take it any more and there's no other way to get rid of the crush.


Agreed, although I think we're getting away from the point I was making, which is that conventional wisdom is contradictory: some women say you have to make a move within the first two weeks, others say, "Friends first". There are casualties on both sides of the line. The love and dating boards here are full of men who've tried to be friends first, only to find that when the moment comes to ask her out, she turns him down because she doesn't want to ruin the friendship. Then they've tried asking them out right off the bat and, just like the OP in this thread, they get rejected because they moved too fast. It seems there is no middle ground, or if there is, it is highly subjective and exactly when that period is varies from girl to girl. Essentially it means the best the man can do is guess, making it a complete fluke if the guy gets the right timeframe and the girl as well. I believe this is the point the OP is trying to make, too. Is the situation really this extreme, or is this point of view simply the result of bad advice?

Manipulating body language to send certain signals CAN be done, but it is not recommended, actors often practice for decades to be able to carry off certain characters and roles, and many months to research for one role. Which is so often why they find themselves type-cast after years in certain character roles. Matthew Perry from friends for instance can only get roles similar to his Chandler character, and Jennifer only seems to play comedy romantic roles.

Do you really want to waste your time figuring out how to speak to this woman effectively and have two outcomes, one of which makes you really realise you do not infact like her? (the other is spending so much time practising that she goes off with someone else)

Mating dances are spontaneous for just such a reason, they depend on two people knowing their roles to perfection and if you just try to short-circuit that and take shortcuts you are going to be disappointed.

I have been watching and observing body language for decades now and I still do not have the dance figured out because you do not simply respond with standard moves, you have to do it all in time and if you screw up one little thing it is ended.

Do not try to be NT on this, you will fail...instead just let it be known that sometimes you fail to pick up signals and ask bluntly if she is trying to work up the courage to ask you out. (I have actually had far more success with this because it immediately disarms someone and catches them offguard...they expect you to do the asking, and you are instead shoving the ball firmly in their hands to deal with)

Make a joke of it, make light of the situation...whatever but do not try to manipulate her because it will be doomed to fail.

*By the way, another sexual signal that few people are aware of are the lips, when painted red they mimic the labia

High heels push the hips forward and make the calves look leaner than they really are, also artifically making the legs look younger denoting adolescent youth..

The breasts are a mimic of the buttocks...they have no logical reason for being how they are when basically nipple studs would likely work just as well...

Men actually look at other mens chests just as much as they do to women in order to gauge their strength as a rival...however these days it has been misinterpreted as sexual interest of course by people who do not know any better.

And so on and so on, you really cannot hope to learn it all, understand it all, notice it all and above all emulate and respond to it all in good time so why bother?

The only thing about that is, just because they've put on bright red lipstick doesn't mean they're wanting a date with you.

Yeah, this is definately being over simplified. Some girls dress that way to manipulate men into giving them more attention with no interest in the men at all. Sometimes it's to get more respect at work. Sometimes it's just to make another guy jealous. Some times it's to make another girl jealous. Sometimes it's to get free drinks at a bar. Dress is no indication whatsoever of whether a girl would be interested in you unless she changes the way she is dressed when you are around. Most of the girls that are worth your time are the ones that do not primp themselves when they go out. The ones that do are usually shallow and Aspergers and shallow do not go together.

Of course it is being vastly simplified, however most girls themselves do not actually know the true role of lipstick and what it signifies.

Would it interest you to know that last year PsychologyToday reported on the role clothes play in dating, they revealed that the closer to ovulation a woman is the less clothes she will generally wear...of course before you come back at me with a rebuttal, it is of course vastly simplified but it is interesting don't you think?

You will have to read the whole article instead of just challenging it offhand

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles ... life-women

And

http://www.psypost.org/2010/01/interest ... n-women-38

Unfortunately for them, I knew this years ago and they are only just now figuring out what I thought was common knowledge lol

The best approach to take appears to be 'Do what you want, and just have fun' when in a conversation. If you both end up opening up to one another then great - try and take it further. Otherwise you risk appearing creepy. Be wary of what might be inappropriate of course. If you have a male friend, see if they can catalyse the situation, so you can find out what she thinks of you?
Important thing is not to objectify her, which is a natural inclination of aspies it seems. Practise, and you'll get there in the end though.

I usually just avoid them. women are f****d up, they never mean what they say or say what they mean, so if its hard for an NT male to read them, its impossible for an AS.

I sometimes wish NT women didn't exist.

its not to say I haven't had girlfriends, I've just had to scrape the bottom of the barrell, and its not fun. so I stopped.

Sparhawke,

You have to remember who you are talking to. We all take things too literally. Sorry.

So long as you work on the assumption that I am always correct in whatever I say, regardless of how obscure the topic you are on the right track

lol

Coming at it from a different direction as some of the others here. While it is possible that you weren't reading her non-sexual body language, the reason that she would be 'shocked' is more likely because you weren't sending any sexual body language of your own. Usually we can see it a mile away when someone likes us and is working up the gut to ask us out. It's all just fun waiting around trying to set them up for the punchline

You seem to be most concerned about the 'shocked'edness of the reactions to you asking them out. And that seems like the most plausible explanation to me. To her experience, you're having an aloof conversation, not seeming all too emotive or interested (No offense meant, of course) and then you ask her out. She was under the impression that you weren't all too interested in her. So she is shocked.

Seem about right?

Unless this is a situation where a female knows that you are on the spectrum and writes you off as mentally deficient and therefore asexual. In which case I wouldn't really worry about seeing her in heaven or anything.