Can you sense if somebody likes/dislikes you?
Verdandi
Veteran
Joined: 7 Dec 2010
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,275
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)
Unless people are being very obvious about it, I really don't have a good way to tell if someone dislikes me. I've known a lot of people who made it clear they were putting up a nice "front" and I really couldn't tell until they made it clear. I've also known several people who said they liked me but found me difficult to deal with, and I can't say whether they actually liked me or not or they were being nice by not just saying "I can't deal with you for very long before you become annoying." I know one person I heard this from stayed in contact with me far longer than most other people I've known, and did her best to keep me in touch with another friend who has more difficulty keeping up with people than I do.
So, It is a mystery.
Nobody else interested in whether people are reacting to you versus reacting to their own demons?
I can always tell exactly how someone feels. They radiate the information. I can never tell how someone feels about me.
Without watching them with other people, how do you know if what they're feeling is about you? Some of you have said you can sense it. Is it possible you're sensing how they feel rather than how they feel about you?
One of my biggest flaws is not being able to read people. I tend to think just because somebody talks nice to me that it means they like me, and if they say something that comes across as harsh they must not like me. It's gotten me in trouble with trusting the wrong people many times which is why I've come to shut myself away from everybody in real life. I've always thought it was an Aspie trait to not be good at reading other people's minds.
I can always tell exactly how someone feels. They radiate the information. I can never tell how someone feels about me.
Without watching them with other people, how do you know if what they're feeling is about you? Some of you have said you can sense it. Is it possible you're sensing how they feel rather than how they feel about you?
The way I am affected by people as I described in the last post is indeed related to how people are to their own "demons", and not to how they are towards me.
When it comes to understanding if somebody likes me or not, it is more a thing that I notice by watching, but still my attention is catched by it, so I dont know if noticing or sensing comes first.
I know it because they react towards me, even if they seem not to (to others). I notice that they are aware of my presence while they are talking to somebody else etc. (or doing other stuff). It is based on movements that are direct responses to my own movements. This disturbs me and I become aware. I know they dont like me because such an awareness of me implies that they are not relaxed with me in the near. I know it out of own experience because if somebody makes me uncomfortable I "always" know where the person is.
I am not only talking about the easy examples, where the person is not good at hiding that they dont like me, or not wanting to hide it to me, but hiding it for everybody else. ->Like intentionally overseeing me, but looking at everybody else, standing in my way shutting me out and so on. These are (bad examples of) movements that kill the vibrations of my own movements, and therefore its a direct attack, even if it can be so inconspicuous to others that the person seems innocent. (These movements can be anything, eg. how they put down their glass. It just has to cut my vibe.)
Im mainly talking about the people who try to forget me to become comfortable, and really try to hide that they dont like me. I dont think these people notice their own reactions to me that Im able to read, and if they do, I doubt they notice that I read them.
If people are comfortable with me, my presence doesnt disturb their vibes. I dont affect them from far away.
The other version is when somebody wants to impress me because they like me. Its not difficult to find out which feeling causes the attention to me. Just difficult to describe. Since I notice it when someone wants to impress me, (and therefore is reacting to me even by looking complete other directions) I can never be impressed by them (because I know what they are up to and feel trapped into a forced role). I cant describe it other than that they search for my acknowledgement to what they do (sometimes without looking at me at all). If they search the acknowledgement I have the attention because they like me and not because they dislike me. If they dislike me, they leave me out (well, sometimes Im observed if I am affected by their show). This is obvious from the beginning, but I need to think about how that actually is clear.
If I play the role and do as if I react positive to an act to impress me, even if I never have direct contact with the person, ->and the person reacts to my reaction, I accomplished something. But for me its fake. The person can happen to get overly exited by this acknowledgement.
Because this has not been theoretically existent for me, its hard to put it down. This looks like one of the first texts I do when I start mapping things, so its definitely unfinished and may miss important points.
To any of you who want to analyze me on this, just please dont think I have no feelings. Thats not true. I have them all. Maybe more complications even implies further feelings? Its difficult for me!! !
It takes me a long time to figure out how other people feel about me--unless they do or say something that makes it very clear one way or the other (e.g. they explicitly insult me in ways that are impossible to imagine as "friendly teasing", or they say something very nice about me that includes the words "I like you" or "What I like most about you"). With some people (acquaintances) I never figure it out.
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"Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving." -- Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky
Love transcends all.
I never ask people flat out. I think I know better than that.
I just know when people would rather spend time with anyone but me. I've seen people sharing photos with eachother at work, and never let me have a look, and I don't like to just go upto them and say, ''let me look.'' Yet I've had other people show me photos, which means they're giving me the time of day - which is what I like.
I've always noticed that some people don't even have to do anything and they still get liked and included in social activities. When people have photos to show, or have sweets they want to share, they pick certain people who they like and show them first or only. It doesn't always necessarily mean they don't like me, but it still indicates that they probably wouldn't be that bothered if they never saw me again, type of thing. Some people can be so cliquey like that.
I can also tell if somebody is just obliged to like me because they don't want to appear horrible, and when somebody really does like me and enjoys my company.
Also, say if I said something really stupid to a person, and that person still comes upto me each day at work and likes a chat and sits and has lunch and just finds some of the stupid things I say comical rather than weird, I can tell that they like me, or don't mind putting up with me. But say if I've said stupid things in front of another person, and that person just talks to me when he or she wants to know something, otherwise never bothers to ask how I am or make conversation (even if I try with them), or doesn't look that bothered if I turn up early or get a job done quicker than usual, but does act bothered if another person turns up early or gets a job done quicker than usual, then that's a little sign. (That's one of many signs).
And it's no good just blaming the Aspie for all of these things. Some NTs can just be nasty, or too cliquey, or too irrational to give people like me a chance, or is too popular to worry about what people like me are doing, or any of those things. Then you get some NTs who look for the nice person in me, and go by that, and doesn't judge me by my odd ways. I like those sorts of people.
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Female
Maje, we definitely see things the same way. I'm always aware of my vibey relationships with people. Also between other people. Can you spot when someone is manipulating another person because the vibes don't match the words?
I have to make a big leap to suppose that someone uncomfortable with me dislikes me, when I know I'm awesome and they have childhood issues. Also when I watch them with people they like and can see them being manipulated, I know if I could be bothered acting they would like me. I don't need to be liked, so I try to be friendlier to them in my own way, to bring them back into the world and away from the demon land inside their heads. It usually just makes them angrier. :-/
I already have to add some important points
People affect the surroundings and each other continuously. I identify the natural reactions that people have when other people move, and therefore I also can state if the reactions are natural awareness or disturbance because of my presence or disturbance because of another persons presence. It depends if the reactions are too many. It is also a question if the person reacting has a pesonal problem or if the person reacting has a problem towards a spesific person. Only by observing further its clear and not by first sight.
And just to add that I know people like me when they react positive to me. -> Its not that I think people like me if they are not affected by me. I know they like me if we can have a good atmosphere with each other.
I have to make a big leap to suppose that someone uncomfortable with me dislikes me, when I know I'm awesome and they have childhood issues. Also when I watch them with people they like and can see them being manipulated, I know if I could be bothered acting they would like me. I don't need to be liked, so I try to be friendlier to them in my own way, to bring them back into the world and away from the demon land inside their heads. It usually just makes them angrier. :-/
wow
I definitely spot manipulation.
And Im the same, dont need to be liked -> only giving people chances to help themselves. This is done with a wit that only me and the person will ever notice. Sometimes this takes a couple of seconds, also by random people at random places.
Some people are too deep in it and I just have to move on (orelse I put myself in danger)...
With someone who actually wants an honest connection but they're holding onto something recent like grief or whatever (not childhood stuff because that's too deep), if you're around them for long enough to bring them back into the world and then you touch them, they'll comment on how warm your hands are. I'm sure it's the 'healing hands' thing from throughout history; just autistic people being near injured people who want to be brought back. It's a neat effect anyway.