Learning to handle playful teasing / witty banter

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Thanks for explaining. The second response effectively describes the "role playing" that I described in a previous post. You basically act and react as if the comment is to be taken seriously - that the truth of our real world is suspended and you act as if the comment is serious. The difference between being seen as funny or naive comes from the way the response is delivered. If people realize that you are serious, your reply falls flat, and in my experience, you would be chastised for taking things literally when all reasonably intelligent NTs understand it to be a joke.

For the second response, it's interesting that you would use it to help control the direction of the future banter, because you recognize that it would be difficult for you to respond if someone else were in control. Looking at your thought process, this is where I would differ from you: 1) I already perceive the person who made the first crack as being in complete control of the situation, and I feel as if I've been "put on the spot" 2) I don't visualize anything, but instead my mind goes completely blank, 3) I don't feel "loose" enough to be capable of doing things like gesturing or mimicking actions, especially if they are meant to be funny - instead I feel very uptight, serious and inhibited. I would also feel that to mimick drinking would be mean, and here is where it is critical, even though I do not believe the premise that she drinks and I know that my actions would be viewed as non-serious . I don't see myself as a mean person, so doing this would produce considerable anxiety for me.

I think dissecting your response helps me understand the reasons that playful teasing/humor and banter are so far out of reach for me. I think that I'll just have to work on responding better with more genuine-sounding laughter which is less-tinged with discomfort. That'll be tough because my quick nervous giggle has become so automatic that my conscious mind will have trouble intervening, but it would be easier than trying to engage in a witty response. Part of the reason that I hate giving in is that my inability to engage in banter is one of the reasons I think I have so few friends. I am a likable person, and people will tell me that. However, I am nowhere near a FUN person, and those are the ones most people want to be around, and get invited out, etc.

I agree, barchaeton, that my two responses might be socially inappropriate around people other than close family and friends who know me well and are used to my antics. The "I took it seriously" one would just show off how oblivious I am to social cues and might even be considered a killjoy for someone else's joke. The "chug-glug-glug-glug" one might look immature or be offensive to someone in a casual social group. Of course, I will do these things amongst these people too, because my social filter is lacking, and I will forget that these things might be socially inappropriate. If I monitored my social appropriateness at all times, then I don't think that I would be able to interact at all. That would be too much stuff for me to do at once, since I lack the automatic social processing that NTs have. I think that the automaticity of this processing varies amongst NTs too, with some people lacking a lot compared to others, but they all seem to have more than I do.

I don't know if I could even successfully monitor what is and is not socially appropriate if that was all I had to do during a social interaction. A lot of things that I don't consider to be socially inappropriate are. I don't know what social appropriateness really is. My social-emotional processing is not in same direction of other people's.

I'm getting better at detecting it and just laughing along. I have to to be able to avoid meltdowns around my family members.

btbnnyr, I reread my earlier post and I wanted to make it clear that I didn't think that you were mean, or that your responses were inappropriate. I think they were brilliant, and actually very funny. If I had done either around my family, everyone would have laughed, including my wife, and they would have been surprised at my newfound joviality!

What's funny is that when I was younger, say college-aged, I was less serious and would have lots of fun with friends. That's what makes me wonder if somehow the social anxiety that I've developed in adulthood is somehow linked to this, or that they feed off each other. (Well, I don't wonder, I know they do!) Now, I've always been terrible at banter, and worthless at comebacks to insults, but I never used to worry too much about looking or doing silly things with my friends in college. I think that I've gotten more reserved with age, which just kills spontaneity in so many ways.